SKATEJUNIOR Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 hi my name is junior. im 21 i was with one girl for 4 years and 1 extra year of on and off. this girl was the best thing that ever happened to me. but i cheated on her and after 4 years i lost my love for her. she begged me to come back for 1 year and i didnt want to go back because beign single was pretty cool i guess well 2 months ago i fell inlove with her again and i would do anything in the world to be with her and make her happy. but the only thing stoping me was that she had a new bestfriend who was a guy who liked her. he was always at her house and her family loves him. so my jelousy kept stoping me from working things out with her for about a month i noticed that she would stop calling me or paying any attention to me. so last night she told me that she is no longer inlove with me and that shes happy now on her own. she also said that she wants to be good freinds but it will take a miracle like a jesus type thing for us to ever be together again. she warned me years ago that once shes gone she never comes back and to be aware of it. i never listened. i been crying all night i did not sleep i smoked a whole pack of cigarettes. the part that is really pushing me to the edge is THE THOUGHT OF HER EVER SPREADING HER LEGS TO ANOTHER MAN. that is what kills me and everytime i think about that suicidal thoughts come to my head. omg this is so unreal and i cant believe its happening. i mean we were engaged and i dont know how long it will take to get over those 4 years we had. im scared and depressed. When we were on the phone i went through this crazy mood that my words couldnt come out all i kept saying was YEA UM OK YEA AH UH UH E E A. that is all i kept saying. i need help someone who relates please replay
justagirlforever Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 OK, sorry if this sounds insensitive, but: but i cheated on her and after 4 years i lost my love for her. when you knew: she warned me years ago that once shes gone she never comes back and to be aware of it. Did you take her for granted? Did you not believe her? It sounds like she's been able to get her closure from you and have moved on. Perhaps you should try and do the same?
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to see a therapist or psychologist. Advice on LS is nice and all, but we are not qualified or certified to truly deal with your needs. Having said that, I guess I would go NC because probably every time you talk to her, you rip open that wound. If she doesn't want to get back with you, it's probably best just to part ways. It's very hard at first, but I can tell you from experience it definitely does get better. Even good old Honest Abe agrees (see below)
justagirlforever Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 i mean we were engaged and i dont know how long it will take to get over those 4 years we had. im scared and depressed. OK, so in the year that she repeatedly asked you to come back you weren't scared and depressed or had suicidal thoughts? she begged me to come back for 1 year and i didnt want to go back because beign single was pretty cool So what happened in that year? Clearly you didn't want anything to do with her or get back with her. Why these feelings all of a sudden then?
McFadden Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think you are so into her now because you realised that she is not into you anymore, and she may be interested in someone else, and you're jealous. When you were the one that didn't want to be with her, she was into you. But now that you're chasing her again she is not into you anymore. Some people just want what they can't have, I am like that and have been in this exact situation. It's not even that likely that she will get back together with you, but if you want any chance of that you should act cool and aloof and date other people or look like youre loving the single life. The more you chase the less she will like you at this point.
Author SKATEJUNIOR Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 I think you are so into her now because you realised that she is not into you anymore, and she may be interested in someone else, and you're jealous. When you were the one that didn't want to be with her, she was into you. But now that you're chasing her again she is not into you anymore. Some people just want what they can't have, I am like that and have been in this exact situation. It's not even that likely that she will get back together with you, but if you want any chance of that you should act cool and aloof and date other people or look like youre loving the single life. The more you chase the less she will like you at this point. you are 100% right this is what i am going through. but what about the sex part? it bothers me so much to think of her in bed with someone else. a movie keeps playing in my head and that is whats killing me
McFadden Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 you are 100% right this is what i am going through. but what about the sex part? it bothers me so much to think of her in bed with someone else. a movie keeps playing in my head and that is whats killing me Me too I can't even think about ex having sex with someone else (or kissing or doing anything we used to do with a new person.) it makes me want to kill him, the other person, myself and an assortment of innocent bystanders. The bottom line is that THERES NO WAY TO STOP HER FROM HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE. The only thing you can do is not allow yourself to think about it. You don't even know whether she is or not so why keep dwelling on it. When I start to picture my ex in situations I don't I just stop the thought, I can't handle it. In fact I don't know how I will handle it if I ever see him with a girl. I will probably have a fit. I get the feeling that you are a jealous and pretty dramatic person and have a lot of the same thoughts as me, which makes me feel like maybe I'm not so crazy.
justagirlforever Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 you are 100% right this is what i am going through. but what about the sex part? it bothers me so much to think of her in bed with someone else. a movie keeps playing in my head and that is whats killing me Again, sorry if this sounds harsh - but what exactly have you been doing the past year? Did you have sex with someone else? Did you think how it might have made your ex feel? And how "pretty cool" was it exactly to be single? Sounds like you have possessive / jealousy issues. That relationship has been over for more than in year - that was your choice. Too little too late if you ask me.....
McFadden Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Again, sorry if this sounds harsh - but what exactly have you been doing the past year? Did you have sex with someone else? Did you think how it might have made your ex feel? And how "pretty cool" was it exactly to be single? Sounds like you have possessive / jealousy issues. That relationship has been over for more than in year - that was your choice. Too little too late if you ask me..... Yeah but he was not FEELING it during that year and now he is but its too late. You can't help it when that happens, it's just crappy.
justagirlforever Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 OK, so what *if* she decides to give it another go & forgive him for cheating? Will Junior not just lose his love for her again once he wins her back? There clearly was no love left from his side when he broke up and had a cool year as a single guy. The only thing that's left is possessive irrational jealousy - not love. I don't doubt it's crappy to feel like that. But Junior needs to understand why he feels like that. And work on that.
McFadden Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think it is possible to fall out of or back in love with someone. But according to this theory, I don't love my ex I am only jealous and regretful because he has moved on. Maybe that is all true and that is the case, gives me a different way of looking at my own scenario.
justagirlforever Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Ask yourself: what make you love someone. I don't mean have a crush on them or infatuation with them. Love is a something that comes over time and because the other person reciprocates in a certain manner. To have mutual respect, admiration, pride (proud to be with the other person), support (giving and taking), encouragement, excitement (in seeing & being with each other) and so much more. Where has the "love" come from all of a sudden if Junior hasn't felt that for a good year and more (a year that they've been apart and also allowing time for the "losing love" and cheating)? She clearly hasn't been reciprocating - in fact, she's moved on and is seemingly happy. So it seems that the true feelings that Junior has left are based on possessive jealousy. Junior, I'm not having a dig at you. But think about what the situation is honestly like and what you honestly want.
thatmatt Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think the world love is related to "obsession" in many cases. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. You said you fell out of love with her, but you still have this obsession with her, which is why when you talk to her, you can't speak. I'm the same way with my ex, I can't talk to her without jumbling my words, and although I don't love her anymore, there's still the obsession. Obsession includes thoughts about who she's having sex with, etc. Obsession is by no means a horrible thing. However I think it is sometimes harder to let go than love. Your best bet is to go no contact. yes, 4 years is a long time, but you also cheated on her, and remember, you're only 21 years old, you have a lot of days left. You're going to have to define why the relationship ended, stay out of contact with her, for a LONG TIME! The thoughts will pass. They are overwhelming now, but going through them and talking them out to someone will replay them so many times that eventually you will become numb to them. You'll be thinking about her less, and when a thought does pop into your head, you'll be able to shrug it off easily. But I highly recommend you see somebody, if not for suicidal thoughts, at least for someone to talk these things out with. It's amazing what just getting something off your chest and out of your head will do for you. good luck!
Author SKATEJUNIOR Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Again, sorry if this sounds harsh - but what exactly have you been doing the past year? Did you have sex with someone else? Did you think how it might have made your ex feel? And how "pretty cool" was it exactly to be single? Sounds like you have possessive / jealousy issues. That relationship has been over for more than in year - that was your choice. Too little too late if you ask me..... actually i wasnt having sex wih anyone. Sex is real sacred to me and i dont have it unless i love the person. do you know how difficult it is for me to go home? im scared to go home everyday because i know night is coming and everyone wll be sleeping and i will have my eyes wide open till who knows when. atleast she had ppl when she was depressed i hav no one ppl see me and think im the happiest guy yet im dying to blow up. a year a go i thought i fell out of lve because my thoughts were this: Dam i cant wait to go home i see this girl to much....If i marry this girl there is no going home for me......Maybe she will fall inlove with someone else. that is what lead to cheating those thoughts^ why cant i be feeling like that now? it would be great if were. so anyway after a while i did some thinking and said to myself i love this girl i need to get her back. and when i came back she had a bestfriend whos a guy and thas what started it all. the other day i called her and i said do u like this guy and she said no he loves this other girl and in the background you hear him say "no i love you" and she put me on hold for a minute. thats when i went crazy i really lost my mind. its real hard to have a girl tell you that shes not inlove with you anymore because i know it will never come back the chances ar real slim
Author SKATEJUNIOR Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 the only good thing that came out of this was that it inspired me to start my own clothing line called The Broken Heart. (TBH) its clothing line with a whole lot of meaning behind it and it will benefit everyone in some way or another. i dont know about you guy but when i am deppresed i want the world to know. it always helps
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