NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Why is it hard to understand someone may want to come here to talk to another who understands them, who gets where their coming from, who wants to share similar experiences? BUTAFLY Its not hard to understand at all. But the same can be said of the OW/OM that post in infidelity. You admit that you posted there, but try to quantify it to a time period. Either way, you posted in a place that wasn't for your situation. And why? Because this is an open board. I'll be honest with you. I'd rather be shot than to have the woman that thought she would end up with my H trying to give me advice on his infidelity. There is nothing she can tell me about how to save my M while she was busy helping to destroy it. I disagree with your therapist. Maybe s/he is just looking for more clients by trying to downplay the value of getting differing opinions. I don't like the arguing that goes on here. I know that I took part in some of it not too long ago too. But I don't like it. Like it or not, we can all stand to learn something from each other. If we aren't so stuck on labels, we can. And for the record, I find the harshest words to be coming from those that are neither BS or OP. Those are the people who mostly don't get it as they have never been in either situation.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Let me ask you a question. What kind of advice or support is someone deserving of when they have no intention of leaving a relationship that is destroying other lives?...the lives of the betrayed spouse and the children? I have seen posts by OW/OM where they seem truly bad about what they are doing to the MM/MW's family...and want advice on how to break away. I actually admire that and don't think it warrants any "venom". But what about the ones that don't care, or put their "needs" ahead of children? Yes I know...the MM/MW is the ones that are primarily responsible for what they are doing to their own family...but that doesn't make it right to be an accomplice to it.
BUTAFLY Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I disagree with your therapist. Maybe s/he is just looking for more clients by trying to downplay the value of getting differing opinions. I understand what your saying but opinions aren't solutions I have weened myself from this board before I began seeing the therapist. The therapist just reiterated what I already knew. I have seen others say goodbye to LS or atleast this fourm. Why? because they came here for a purpose.... to help get over their problem. Either you find what you looking for and move on OR you linger in anger and frustration because your not getting what you need. It's counterproductive if you're truely trying to get over a situation by reading into others post, trying to fit their scenario into your circumstance. It just keeping that 'fire alive', if you will. I have been on here for almost 2 yrs and I finally see why those who left ....left. By being on here is passive agressive. I simpathize with those I think I can relate to and I get angry/upset/frustrated with strangers. I too conviened myself I was giving tough love, but I don't know these people, let alone love them. I can finally see i was furstrated because I wanted to understand my own situation. I'm at the point where I finally realize the only way to do that is to face MY situation head inorder to get over it and leave it in the past.
mopar crazy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 However, I will say that when one woman finds another as a mere "toy" then the one presenting is most often the one who is most knowlegable about being "toyed"... Me, a toy? LOL! And how do you come to THAT conclusion? As a former OW I was just a f#ck toy to him....but I woke the he!! up and realized I was better than just a good f#ck for him and moved on w/ my life to find someone who actually loved me and not just f#cking me. I don't know your story pom but I'm assuming your an OW. I guess if you like getting sloppy seconds from MM then I guess that is your choice and you'll stay there as long as you like. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I refused to be 2nd to a man and not first in his life.
puddleofmud Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Me, a toy? LOL! And how do you come to THAT conclusion? As a former OW I was just a f#ck toy to him....but I woke the he!! up and realized I was better than just a good f#ck for him and moved on w/ my life to find someone who actually loved me and not just f#cking me. I don't know your story pom but I'm assuming your an OW. I guess if you like getting sloppy seconds from MM then I guess that is your choice and you'll stay there as long as you like. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I refused to be 2nd to a man and not first in his life. I was not referring to YOU. Sorry if it seemed so.
puddleofmud Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 is South Dakota south enough? POM Are you from the South? I have to ask because you have a way with words that makes an insult taste like the sweetest iced tea. That was a really nice way to say "it takes one to know one". But I know you weren't trying to insult mopar. Just an observation of your posts when you disagree....
frannie Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 As a former OW I was just a f#ck toy to him....but I woke the he!! up and realized I was better than just a good f#ck for him and moved on w/ my life to find someone who actually loved me and not just f#cking me. You realised you were a f#ck toy and nothing more, and moved on. And that's great. But not every situation is the same. If you're telling every OW that she's 'nothing more than a FT' and she knows she's not, then what value is your commentary?
mopar crazy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 You realised you were a f#ck toy and nothing more, and moved on. And that's great. But not every situation is the same. If you're telling every OW that she's 'nothing more than a FT' and she knows she's not, then what value is your commentary? Oh come on frannie! If a MM truly loved his OW he would D his W to be w/ her! PLZ don't give me the same lame excuse they all give...kids, finances, it's BS to keep the OW mouth shut so he can stay M, bang his OW, and more than likely his W. She may not be just a FT, but he surely doesn't love her enough to leave his W now does he?
frannie Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 She may not be just a FT, but he surely doesn't love her enough to leave his W now does he? Ah, but that's not what you said.
mopar crazy Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Ah, but that's not what you said. Ok, fair enough. I'm done debating. You have your POV and I have mine.
NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 BUTAFLY I agree with you, but not with your therapist. This place serves a purpose. I have weened myself from here significantly and will continue to do so. As far as this place being all bad, I don't agree. It really depends on what the person uses it for. You are right. I don't love anyone here. I don't know them. But I do care about the situations presented. I wouldn't consider coming here passive aggressive. PAs aren't good with actions, they are procrastinators and deflectors. People here are mostly agressive and assertive, IMO. I really admire people that have used this place for the time and moved on. I feel that way about any message board that functions for conversations. It doesn't help to only look to people in your same situation though. Its always good to get differing views. I am not saying that the differing views are right, just that its good to have them. Places like LS serve a point. It helps to see that you aren't the only one feeling the way that you feel. It helps even more when those that have moved on come back and tell the others that there is life after death, so to speak. It doesn't help to only here your own thoughts echoed by others who like you are asking the same questions without any new answers. It doesn't help to start to use this place as a crutch in place of some real life support.
Trialbyfire Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 BUTAFLY I agree with you, but not with your therapist. This place serves a purpose. I have weened myself from here significantly and will continue to do so. As far as this place being all bad, I don't agree. It really depends on what the person uses it for. You are right. I don't love anyone here. I don't know them. But I do care about the situations presented. I wouldn't consider coming here passive aggressive. PAs aren't good with actions, they are procrastinators and deflectors. People here are mostly agressive and assertive, IMO. I really admire people that have used this place for the time and moved on. I feel that way about any message board that functions for conversations. It doesn't help to only look to people in your same situation though. Its always good to get differing views. I am not saying that the differing views are right, just that its good to have them. Places like LS serve a point. It helps to see that you aren't the only one feeling the way that you feel. It helps even more when those that have moved on come back and tell the others that there is life after death, so to speak. It doesn't help to only here your own thoughts echoed by others who like you are asking the same questions without any new answers. It doesn't help to start to use this place as a crutch in place of some real life support. Well said. I've also moved on and healed. This particular forum served it's purpose for me and helped me realize a lot of things that I would never have done without reading so much. There are people from every walk of life in this forum with completely different values in life. Myself personally, I believe that people deserve more in life than to be forced to share something special with multiple parties. If you're willing to settle, that's a personal choice. I won't.
BUTAFLY Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 BUTAFLY Places like LS serve a point. It helps to see that you aren't the only one feeling the way that you feel. It helps even more when those that have moved on come back and tell the others that there is life after death, so to speak. I can agree with this. This is the reason why I came here in the first place. I just feel for those(like the orignal poster) who will no longer get that from LS.
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