Star Gazer Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 If a guy is really into you,not just for sex,but he wants a steady relationship,it doesn't matter when you have sex. Before I met my current SO I would read stuff like that and agree,but my new conclusion is if a man is really into you it won't matter. I guess I just don't see how a guy can be "really into you" if he barely even knows you.
tanbark813 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I guess I just don't see how a guy can be "really into you" if he barely even knows you. I think "really" in this case is meant more like "genuinely".
Pretty Fly Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I guess I just don't see how a guy can be "really into you" if he barely even knows you. Ah, you see this is where men and women differ. I think this quote below sums it up, and I think it's very true (it's from this book... http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mans-Book-Thomas-Fink/dp/0297851632/sr=8-1/qid=1171653661/ref=pd_ka_1/026-6941420-5488401?ie=UTF8&s=books ) "...men fall in love more quickly than women. Where a woman takes her time and considers what is real, a man runs with first impressions and invents the rest according to his fantasy. This invention is both intoxicating and intimidating; ultimately it makes men fear women." And hence explains why a lot of guys get nervous when approaching an attractive girl they don't know.
guin_girl Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Really? What was the book's rationale? I've always waited for the guy to say I love you first. I was with my ex for a year and a half and he never said it, not even once, so I never said it either. We eventually broke up so oh well! I actually had a guy "quack" I love you like Donald Duck... I couldn't understand him the first couple times he did it and then one day he came out and said it like a human being... then it dawned on me what he had been saying all that time... we were together 8 years...
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I wait to have sex because I like to build up the sexual tension and anticipation. You do it right away, and there's no mystery left! Also, in my experience and that of my friends, if you have sex early on - especially the first date - it all goes to hell pretty quick because you have too much physical intimacy long before you're capable of much emotional intimacy. It's like you know each other too well in a naked way, yet don't know each other at all in other ways. The sex often makes things awkward if you're not already comfortable with each other. And, waiting does indeed help weed out the guys that are purely there to score some booty.
StayClose Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Where a woman takes her time and considers what is real, a man runs with first impressions and invents the rest according to his fantasy. This invention is both intoxicating and intimidating; ultimately it makes men fear women." And hence explains why a lot of guys get nervous when approaching an attractive girl they don't know. This was obviously written by a woman. I see women as just as likely to "run with first impressions and invent the rest according to fantasy" This is how successful players get laid a lot, and how older conmen seduce widows and take their money. The reason guys get nervious when approaching women is that we tend to take rejection personally.
Pretty Fly Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 This was obviously written by a woman. I see women as just as likely to "run with first impressions and invent the rest according to fantasy" This is how successful players get laid a lot, and how older conmen seduce widows and take their money. The reason guys get nervious when approaching women is that we tend to take rejection personally. Well the book I took the quote from was written by a guy.
Author the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 if in doubt, wait. because if he doesn't think you're worth waiting for, bye bye. and that one guy who posted if sex hasn't happened by date three, he's thinking she's not interested, not interested in that guy either because he is placing too much importance on sex. sex isn't the only way to show you're interested.
Virginia Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think "really" in this case is meant more like "genuinely". That is exactly what I meant. If he is interested in forming a relationship with you that isn't just based on sex it will not matter if you wait or have sex on the first date. If a guy is really into a girl, it doesn't matter when you have sex, he will stick around. If the guy is only sort of interested, and you don't have sex, it will fizzle out as he wasn't that interested. If the guy is only sort of interested and you do have sex, it will still fizzle out as the having sex doesn't automatically create the emotional bond, it was just sex. He's still only sort of interested and it will still fizzle out. Yep,this exactly.
Violet_Sky Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 he becomes LESS into you....whereas you would have waited a few weeks and gotten to know each other on an emotional and deeper level, you've given him more of a chance to be 'genuinely' into you and he'll stick around without the confusion.
Insomnie_ Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 I don't know that not sleeping with someone too soon gives them the opportunity to "become" more interested or that not putting out increases the odds that it doesn't fizzle out....but a big benefit of waiting until you are sure that you won't get used is that you won't get used. That said, I personally would wait for at least some indication that he wants a relationship with me and is not after just sex. I also like knowing that I am having sex because I want to and not as a means of extricating something (like love or commmitment) out of whoever I am with. I don't buy into timeframes or any kinds of rules about number of dates. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. I spent the night at his place the first day we met...and we had sex a week after. It felt right to me, I didn't feel pressured (I was the one asking him if he wanted to...even though he was my first), he'd already told me he was falling in love and I could feel it. I think rules are silly.
Pretty Fly Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 he becomes LESS into you....whereas you would have waited a few weeks and gotten to know each other on an emotional and deeper level, you've given him more of a chance to be 'genuinely' into you and he'll stick around without the confusion. No! Believe me, this is incorrect. Please read my posts above. I'm a guy, and I'm sure I'm not that much different than the majority of men in the world. I'll re-iterate: sleeping together early DOES NOT make a man less interested. If he acts less interested it's because he wasn't that into you in the first place and it would've fizzled out had you slept together or not. By waiting, you ARE NOT giving him a chance to be genuinely into you. By making him wait, the girl gets to find out IF he is genuinely into her because he will wait.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 By waiting, you ARE NOT giving him a chance to be genuinely into you. By making him wait, the girl gets to find out IF he is genuinely into her because he will wait. I think that's a good quote, Pretty Fly That makes alot of sense if you ask me!
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