bluetuesday Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I would like to tell her now, but I still don't feel that she would have faith in me like I do. i don't think it's a big deal. you smoked before you two met - it's not relevant to your relationship. it isn't lying to omit to tell a partner everything you did before you met. if you want to tell, that's different, but there is no obligation to. this sentence out of your post jumped out at me. what you're intimating is that telling her might make her doubt you. right now, she doesn't even think to think 'he'd better not smoke'. once you tell her, she will think it. she may even say it. and if she says it, you'll know she doesn't have the faith in you not smoking that she has now. the issue of smoking could then become something between you. her implicit threat that she wouldn't want to date a smoker is not personal right now. why personalise it and make it an issue that could cause frission between you and her? however strong you are now, and i'm sure you are, we all want our partner's 100% support. you doubt that she could give it, so why set her up to disappoint you?
hindsfeet Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 tell her man. besides thats the old you. nothing wrong with someone doing something to better themselves. dont bullcrap her with stuff like i did it for you or anything like that just be straight. thats what you like about her. so be the same way. major props to you by the way for quitting! i know it's tough stuff. i have new addictions now though. im addicted to life. just realised im addicted to breathing. man i just can stop it! good luck -hindsfeet
katiebour Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Don't hide it- I had an ex who was an ex-smoker... when troubles of various sorts would come up he would surreptitiously smoke at work or go to a bar and do the video poker thing. He finally 'fessed up after he came home and I said "Pleghhhh, you smell like cigarettes!" I felt awful that he had been hiding it from me and lying to me about it. I am a non-smoker and I was up-front with him when we met that I didn't like smoking. But on the other hand my current b/f of a year and a half is a smoker (Pleghhhhh~) I hate the smell and the smoke hurts my lungs and my eyes. He is pretty considerate and puts it out if I start coughing, or goes and smokes in another room. He was a smoker when I met him and I accepted that as part and parcel of the package. He knows I'd like him to quit, but I know that he likes to smoke despite all of the health risks (of which he is well aware.) It's his choice and I have no right to make it for him. The rest of him makes up for the icky habit. I accept that because I love him. Be honest with your g/f that you used to smoke, tell her that you quit shortly before you met, and that you have no intention of ever smoking again. If it becomes an issue (i.e. you pick up the habit again in the future) then the ball is in her court as to whether she can live with the habit as part of the total package. Here's to hoping that it never becomes an issue for you
Author Krytellan Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Don't hide it- I had an ex who was an ex-smoker... when troubles of various sorts would come up he would surreptitiously smoke at work or go to a bar and do the video poker thing. He finally 'fessed up after he came home and I said "Pleghhhh, you smell like cigarettes!" The difference is I dont do that, so I'm not "hiding" anything. If it ever came to the point that I lit up a cigarette, it would be a completely different story and I would then feel obligated. But I have more respect for myself than to light up after a fight.
glitzy55 Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 ok we're talking about CIGARETTES here right.. not heroin lol. Um I highly doubt she will make a big deal that you used to smoke unless she's morman or something.
RecordProducer Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Congratulations, Kryt! I smoke and I know how hard it is. Cuddos to you. I think you have two options: 1. tell her that you quit smoking (that will make you a hero, cuz many people can't quit) and if you quit for her, tell her that, coz it will make you very romantic and deicated in her eyes; or 2. skip telling her altogether. I don't think she meant she would never date anyone who EVER smoked, but anyone who smokes NOW. It's really not relevant anymore, now that you've stopped. What would her excuse be: "I had a right to know that I might end up married to a lung cancer candidate so I could choose whether I wanted to date you in the first place"? If that's so then you'll know what you're dealing with. And since you DID smoke for 20 years, that's a part of you and if she doesn't like this part of you, let it be. Just know that your lungs will recover in a year or so and your chances to stay healthy are huge.
Art_Critic Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Just know that your lungs will recover in a year or so and your chances to stay healthy are huge. When Smokers Quit – What Are the Benefits Over Time? 20 minutes after quitting: Your heart rate and blood pressure drops. 12 hours after quitting: The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal. 2 weeks to 3 months after quitting: Your circulation improves and your lung function increases. 1 to 9 months after quitting: Coughing and shortness of breath decrease; cilia (tiny hair-like structures that move mucus out of the lungs) regain normal function in the lungs, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce the risk of infection. 1 year after quitting: The excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's. 5 years after quitting: Your stroke risk is reduced to that of a nonsmoker 5 to 15 years after quitting. 10 years after quitting: The lung cancer death rate is about half that of a continuing smoker's. The risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, cervix, and pancreas decrease. 15 years after quitting: The risk of coronary heart disease is that of a nonsmoker's.
RecordProducer Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Yeah, but it also depends on how much you smokd and for how long. Don't tell me that this statistics is the same for someone who smoked 10 cigarettes a day for 10 years and someone who smoked 30 cigarettes a day for 30 years. On average, I have smoked about 15 cigs a day for 15 years.
alextop30 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 well what can I say if you take the time to throw away this habbit that cripples your health I believe that you should be proud of it. About telling your gf if you believe it will just complicate things more and if you believe that there is going to be negative feelings about that I would suggest you keep it away. I am just the type of person that likes to keep somethings that tend to bring negative emotions away as much as possible.
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