JULES72 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Ok, quick background. I'm 34, divorced, 2 kids and "Dave" was my boyfriend for a couple of months when I was 21. I have thought about him for 13 years, I always felt he was the one that got away, you know? I broke up with him on good terms long ago and we remained friends for a little while after. A couple of months ago I got up the nerve to email "Dave" to see how he was doing. He emailed me right back, he is doing well, never married or had kids, owns his own business, a total workaholic. We emailed for awhile and then started instant messaging. He was getting more and more serious as we went on. It was going better than I had ever imagined in 13 years of dreaming about it. Tuesday, Jan. 23 he IMed me and we made plans to meet in a week and a half. Then as we were saying goodbye, he said, out of the blue, can you deal with someone who has to travel a lot, but would always come home and give you lots of attention and respect you and make you a priority? I said yes, he said that's good, I'll talk to you tomorrow! Well, tomorrow came and he never signed on, I didn't hear from him until Sunday, Jan. 28 in an email. He said his business just got a huge order and he had to travel to Japan next week and he'd be back 10 days from then. He said he'd try to email me from Japan and he was sorry he couldn't make it but maybe he'd have a break soon. He said his business was starting to take off and he needed to take advantage while he can. That was 2 1/2 weeks ago and I've heard nothing from him since. I sent him an email right after his saying I was happy for him and his business and if he had a chance to email me great, if not, don't worry, I know how busy he is at the moment. We live 700 miles apart, he is a total workaholic which he told me from the beginning. Usually when we chatted he was at a hotel in some other state. He travels constantly and works 18 hour days usually. So, did he blow me off? Can I expect never to hear from him again or at this point in our "relationship" (which is basically in the flirting, just talking stage) is it normal to not hear from a workaholic in over 2 weeks? Should I do anything? I have just not contacted him at all, except that one email to tell him to have a nice trip. What do you think? If he didn't want to talk anymore, why did he take it to such a serious level only nights before? And why if he wanted to end things did he not just say it? It's pretty easy to end things via email isn't it? Why'd he just leave me hanging? I need closure, especially after dreaming about this relationship for 13 years. This is a really unsatisfying way to end it. Jules
Guest Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 It wasn't really serious to begin with, he was talking in hypothetical terms when he Imed you "can you deal with someone who will make you a priority" and whatnot...like IF you did become a serious couple. You're just going to have to see what happens, and live your life without hoping. Maybe someday he'll come around but right now he's apparently unable to do a relationship thing with you.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Maybe he rethought the whole thing...Freaked him out. I think you need to let go - For now. Don't call or email him, see if he contacts you. It could have been an ego feed, to see if he's still got it - It could have been the fact he isn't ready to be stepfather to your kids...But, in all honesty I think he isn't ready to settle down, be committe to ONE person. No serious relationship.
the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think he was being hypothetical with 'can you deal with someone who will travel a lot but will pay you a lot of attention when you get home....' he was telling you how he WOULD treat a woman when he became committed, and you read a lot into that statement. I think you have had a lot of long talks, maybe giving away too much of yourself before you have even gotten together. You had this big relationship going in your head because of all the deep long talks over IMs and such. I would let this one go, and I'm sorry you got so wrapped up in it. i tend not to get so wrapped up in someone emotionally until I have spent significant time with them in person. I think your feelings may have become magnified, maybe his too, but now he's back to reality.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 i agree with everyone else..when he asked u if u could deal with someone who traveled a lot he was trying to get ur take on the situation which he knows he is in. he travels a lot, just picks up on goes. if u can deal with a bf thats great, if u cant i dont blame u. i wouldnt want a bf who travels constantly like that and is never around. let it go, he probably isnt in a position to settle down with anyone if his life is that hectic. workaholics make crappy bfs, believe me. maybe keep ur options open and try to show interest in guys with less hectic lives.
Author JULES72 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Thanks for your replies so far. I agree that he was just being hypothetical, I didn't think he was asking me at that moment to begin a relationship with him like that, but what has me confused is that he hasn't contacted me in almost 3 weeks now. We weren't really serious, just talking a few times a week, but is he not emailing because he is so busy or has he disappeared on me? And if so , why? I answered his question casually, only emailed him casually once since then and haven't IMed him since the email. I am trying to get him out of my head but then I start thinking maybe he's just busy. I just want an answer, I guess. I don't mind only talking to him every once in awhile, I'm really not looking for anything serious and I went into it thinking we'd be friends for awhile at first. I just wish I understood why he didn't just say I am too busy for a relationship right now or I am totally freaked out by this right now or this is moving too fast. Why all the mystery? Why leave me hanging? jules
the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 It seems he's really busy apparently. Maybe there is another woman involved. Maybe he just lost interest, I mean none of us can answer that question. the 'disappearing act' is a common breakup strategy, I've had it done to me (except it was a year long relationship and we lived in the same town.) Don't call, don't email, just....gone. It's hard and you want an explanation and frustrating as it is, you might not ever get one. I take the 'disappearing act' strategy as a "I'm breaking up with you" explanation, so then I don't have to keep torturing myself wondering what is going on in his mind because if you think about it it's pointless, analyzing why he didn't email back, hasn't contacted you, etc....so...take his 'disappearing act' as 'I'm not into this relationship, I'm gone' at least for now, until he does contact you. OH and when he does contact you, don't be the FBI asking him why he stopped emailing, etc. it will only turn him off, especially in your case where there wasn't an actual established relationship going on. Seriously I would be really pleasant and ask how he's doing, don't reveal to him that you were upset by this, because it seriously could be that he was that busy, I mean this guy is traveling the world for his business. At this soon in the relationship he doesn't want drama.
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