Arazi1982 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Sometimes, the advice you read or receive seems to conflict. What if you really like someone, you ask them out, they reject you but they are still a potential part of your life (like a friend, or a colleague). I hear stories of how some guys who are initially turned down, commit themselves to doing everything they can to win a girl over, which they may eventually do. Or they end up hurting everyone involved. Or they are those who "linger" - stay in close contact with their adored one, but who "accept" the situation and do not attempt any romantic advances, but who hope that one day, the Adored One will finally "see the light". Does this even ever happen? But what about those who say No Contact is the only way to go, and that "moving on" is required. How do you know when to give up? Can a relationship ever be successful if previously one party had turned down the other?
LaughMachine Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 You never should just linger around long enough to win a girls heart. If anything you will only annoy her by doing so. I know this is a little cliche but " when a girl/guy wants you, he will do anything to get you ". I often times notice this to be prevalent in a guys actions, why ? psh beats me. I guess alot of guys think that staying around long enough will get the OP to give in. No is no. There is no " other meaning" to no...it is what it is. are you speaking on your behalf? or something you have just noticed? Moving straight to Nc is easier said than done....
Krytellan Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 NC is only relevant for those who had relationships previously. If someone blows you off, you are very likely wasting your time in pursuit. Only in the movies does that crap happen.
Walk Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Well... in my experience.. it's kind of creepy to have a guy continually try to get me to change my mind about dating him. Even the low level stuff becomes really creepy if kept up for extended periods of time. On the flip side of the coin.. if I like someone enough to want a relationship with them, then I respect that person too. And if i respect them, then I respect their decision. Which means I have two options at that point. Continue to be their friend and only their friend, or cut ties with the person. I guage that on how strong my feelings are for the person. If it's too hard for me to remain friends without pushing my want for a relationship on them.. then I leave. If I can remain friends, respect their decision, and am able to improve their lives by being their friend, then I'll stick around. Mostly it comes down to one thing... can I continue to be around the person without allowing my wants to overshadow the other persons, and improve that persons life by being in it (even in small ways like friends do)? Or am I sticking around because I want something from the person and think I can get it still?
phyrespryte Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Hey Arazi, I completely agree with Krytellan. It's probably a waste of time to keep pursuing that girl. But I think that NC is a simple answer to a complicated situation. It really does help people, but it's not something that everyone should just jump right into. Especially if you think there's some kind of hope. I get the feeling you're asking permission to do what you really want to do. If you want to ask this girl out again... ASK HER OUT. There's a chance that she's still not interested, but you'll never know unless you try. I mean it's your life. Make your own decisions. See what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe you'll get hurt, but at least you'll learn from it and you'll know what to do next time you get into a similar situation.
Author Arazi1982 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Hey, thanks for replies. I am not currently pursuing the girl any more, and after a brief period where I comtemplated "just being a friend", my feelings (and constant thoughts) to/of her have not subsided and hence I have decided not to contact her anymore. This topic was instigated by speaking with my friend; she has been with her boyfriend for a couple of years - she was initially not interested in him but she described how he "fought for her", by continuing to pursue her, and how she eventually went out with him and how she "loves him" now. I had considered my own situation and comtemplated taking a similar course. However, in truth, I don't believe she would currently go out with me - partly because of where she is in her life right now, but almost entirely (I believe) because she simply does not feel that way about me. What's difficult is controlling my thoughts not to always daydream about future possibilities of her finally falling for me - which of course would require me to continue my friendship with her, to socialise with her. These fantasies are always complex and appealing, which is why its hard to avoid them. Do I believe that she could ever go out with me? I really don't know how to answer that question. Sometimes I think that she'll never ever feel anything for me, and that I'm torturing myself by not coming to a final decision of completely dropping her from my life. Of course, the humilation I anticipate by explaining my decision of going NC with her, with someone I did not have any type of romantic relationship with, and, in truth, was just a short-term friendship, is off-putting. Sometimes I think that by breaking contact, by giving up, I end any chance of being with someone I feel so strongly for; that no-one could ever be "out of my league". That this is just "weakness" and a tougher guy would just go after her and get her to fall for him. Or at least shrug his shoulders, get over her and move on. But, being honest, I know what I have to do. It just feels like I'm ready to be with someone, to have someone care about me and I'm just being impatient.
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