Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Hello, just finished talking to him on the way he seemed like he wanted to go to where I invited him and he also casually told me he had broken up with his girlfriend middle of last term. I could just be feeling a little upset about some other things in my life at the moment but I feel a little pessimistic. Any advice as to what I should be thinking? Cheers! :bunny:
Topper Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Sorry Arachne, For the hijack of your thread TT Package and I have been doing a little Internet flirting and it spilled over to here. Don't worry I'll clean up the mess. " We Need a mop on Ilse four!"
Krytellan Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Well, I'm not the thought police so you can think what you want. However, you have made the first move... congrats. I tend to think that his girlfriend comment was meant to let you know that he is available. I am a bit concerned that he is throwing this out to you so you can make the next move. If this is the case, he is coming off a little too shy I would think. In which case, he may not be a great grab. You did your part. Let him know he is welcome and follow through on what you started. I wouldn't go too far beyond that, for risk of creating a responsibility pattern. If after you do your thing he does not step up and initiate anything, you need to prepare yourself for letting him go... unless you like men with no balls
Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 If this is the case, he is coming off a little too shy I would think. I'm not too sure but I'm also quite a good judge (sometimes): I think he is not shy under normal circumstances, but who knows? Everybody is different and behaves differently in different kinds of situations. So do you think I should talk to him on MSN if he is online or just ignore the fact he may be online and just wait till tomorrow?
Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 You did your part. Let him know he is welcome and follow through on what you started. I wouldn't go too far beyond that, for risk of creating a responsibility pattern. What do you mean by responsibility pattern?
the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think he is still hung up on his ex OR is clearly stating "I see you only as a friend, that's all." A guy mentioning a recent breakup after I asked him to see a movie would make me back off and give me the message he's NOT available.
che_jesse Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Dispite what total thinks people do not always have some sort of sinister underhanded game playing motivation behind every little thing they say, I think your guy (who is in college and is in no way a master of human manipulation this early in life) just meant to tell you that he broke up with his girlfriend. Really, no need to look for some sort of deep meaning behind everything, youll just make yourself miserable that way, be with whoever you want to be with and do it in a way that you are confortable with, the rest will come naturally.
the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 about the exgirlfriend ... actually it's a very nice way to let her down easy. I found it interesting it sounds like he hadn't talked to her about his personal life (gf, etc.) until she finally made a move and asked him out. Then he mentioned that he had just broken up with someone, it took her asking him out to say that. Plus the original poster stated she is very good at judging people and was feeling pessimistic, so she was picking up the vibes from him more than anyone. No, not sinister at all, but I would take that as a message to back off a bit and let him show his interest (along the lines of what K was saying, don't let the pattern develop where she is always doing the asking out and showing interest, he should have some 'balls' soon.)
Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 about the exgirlfriend ... actually it's a very nice way to let her down easy. I found it interesting it sounds like he hadn't talked to her about his personal life (gf, etc.) until she finally made a move and asked him out. Just to clear this out he mentioned the gf way before I asked if he wanted to join us and he also said that he was glad he had broken up.
the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 then why did he feel inspired to mention the breakup again when you asked him out?
Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 then why did he feel inspired to mention the breakup again when you asked him out? When I said "way before" I meant about 10 minutes before
che_jesse Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Just to clear this out he mentioned the gf way before I asked if he wanted to join us and he also said that he was glad he had broken up. Aww, thats cute. I think you and him are just fine. Can we just leave this guy alone about the amount of "balls" people think he does or does not have. It really does not matter as long as Arachne is happy with the person he is.
the_total_package Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 don't spend too much time deliberating over it, he has said he'll meet you out! So now you just has to see how he goes from there.
Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 don't spend too much time deliberating over it, he has said he'll meet you out! So now you just has to see how he goes from there. Sounds good! The thing that worries me is that he will bring his friends but I suppose that's ok since they may leave us to talk alone as well as with them and I am technically going with my friends too so it's not one-sided anyway.
Krytellan Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 What do you mean by responsibility pattern? The pattern of you having to initiate things with him. This happens a lot where one person ends up always being the one to call, or making plans, or whatever. These patterns are created at times like these. What I was saying is if you make these arrangements and he still isn't taking initiative after that, you run the risk of carrying the responsibility if you continue to initiate. He becomes lazy so to speak...
Author Arachne Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 The pattern of you having to initiate things with him. This happens a lot where one person ends up always being the one to call, or making plans, or whatever. These patterns are created at times like these. What I was saying is if you make these arrangements and he still isn't taking initiative after that, you run the risk of carrying the responsibility if you continue to initiate. He becomes lazy so to speak... Oh, I get it, I get it, that kind of makes sense. Would be a rather one-sided relationship if that was the case and I'd probably let it end or grind to a halt so to speak if I was always doing all the "work"
Author Arachne Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Ok, well I just got back from the place and I think I'm rather confused about the whole situation, I must admit. First off, we didn't actually have each others numbers, I thought we would have chatted about it first on-line and arranged something, but we didn't, it was not as if we arranged to definitely meet up there anyway, it was more like "are you going?", "yeah", "oh, me too" - because I wanted to keep it as casual as possible and not just make myself really available and also it was not the best place to arrange proper dates to anyway. But we did meet up and he saw me because I was walking past him (I didn't see him at all) and said "hello" he seemed pretty jolly and happy to see me but I dunno if that was actually specific to me or if he would have been happy to see anyone. Anyway, I had to quickly go somewhere at that point, we were both going in opposite directions, but when I did come back to the main place where he was (I hoped he was) I did not initially see him, but I didn't actively look for him I just stayed with my friends and just behaved normally like I was out with them on any given day. But we somehow ended up behind him and his friend so I went and said "hi", they were looking toward the stage and they were in front of us so it was impossible for him to see us (unless obviously he turned around to check who was standing behind him). I went up and said hi to his friend, to whom I'd just been introduced to and to him and then we had a little conversation, as much as allowed by the noise. And then we kind of split up again, really naturally split up - it felt like a normal transition. So I went off with my friends again and had no clue where they were, because in the mean time his friend left. After a couple of minutes I was just wondering around the place bumping into people I knew and having little chats and stuff, I knew quite a few people there. And I must have walked right in front of him without noticing it and he touched my hand and I turned around and we started talking again and we decided (I said to him I'm going and he followed me - said he wanted to as well) to go to a sitting area and we sat down and talked for a while about personal stuff. And then we went back in and basically we were together for the rest of night. And when he, at some point, decided to go to sit by the wall, I said to myself it may seem obvious I'm following him to the wall if I go, but he did it too by following me to the other place so it means it's kind of balanced, so I did. We had quite a few conversations alone and with other people as well. We practically spent the whole night together, even my friend noticed the extent of the time we spent together. And then at a rather appropriate (in relation to what was going on with the event) point he said I'm very tired and I'm going home and he left. I'm thinking he could have asked if I wanted to go home too, since we are neighbours but on the other hand he probably thought I'd have said no, since I was surrounded by friends who were staying till the end and he would have concluded I wanted to stay as well, and to be fair he did seem pretty tired. I dunno. And after a few minutes when It was properly 100% over I left too and here I am! I'd like your opinions & advice etc please! Thanks xxx
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 It sounds like it went fairly well but all of the behavior could be "just friends" behavior. You asked him to go so he knows you like him. I'd talk to him if he initiates conversation - smile and say hello when you see him - be friendly so you are open to his approach but don't chase after it. Let him make the next move. I've read what the other posters said here and I too have read "the book" (only because a friend of mine said that when she read it - it was like me talking sometimes)- the great message in it is to have self-respect. Interestingly enough, what the book says about dating I have ALWAYS done on my own. It works gals - truly. I can tell you my dating record if you'd like but lets just say self-confidence, self-respect, body language, and eye contact etc. to welcome an advance - conversation if prompted - and letting them do the calling and asking out works if he is interested. Sometimes you have to lay out the breadcrumbs so they can follow them but you do not force feed the breadcrumbs down their throats. Hope the analogy translates.
Author Arachne Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 It sounds like it went fairly well but all of the behavior could be "just friends" behavior. You asked him to go so he knows you like him. I'd talk to him if he initiates conversation - smile and say hello when you see him - be friendly so you are open to his approach but don't chase after it. Let him make the next move. I've read what the other posters said here and I too have read "the book" (only because a friend of mine said that when she read it - it was like me talking sometimes)- the great message in it is to have self-respect. Interestingly enough, what the book says about dating I have ALWAYS done on my own. It works gals - truly. I can tell you my dating record if you'd like but lets just say self-confidence, self-respect, body language, and eye contact etc. to welcome an advance - conversation if prompted - and letting them do the calling and asking out works if he is interested. Sometimes you have to lay out the breadcrumbs so they can follow them but you do not force feed the breadcrumbs down their throats. Hope the analogy translates. Hmmm, so basically I just act nice and sit tight?
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Hmmm, so basically I just act nice and sit tight? Yep. That's it. And do some looking around. This is a guy you've been interested in for 4 months - there are others too. Just be open and friendly - approachable. If he doesn't make a move or he's just not that into you - there are a lot of others that will be.
Author Arachne Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Yep. That's it. And do some looking around. This is a guy you've been interested in for 4 months - there are others too. Just be open and friendly - approachable. If he doesn't make a move or he's just not that into you - there are a lot of others that will be. That's the thing I haven't, I only started liking him now. And yes, loads more guys out there - that is very true!
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