silktricks Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 As a former BS, I want you to know a couple of things from my pov. I hope that you stay on LS, and I hope that you get at least some of the things that you want. (I was going to say need, but figured that would start something.) It has seemed to me (I've been here for a little over a year, so I'm neither old or new, just a little used), that the forum takes swings. For awhile, the BS get trounced, then the OW get it. The strength seems to ebb and flow between the two groups. The group that always gets beat up the worst, though are the MM --- maybe they need their own forum??? There are some people who have been in both situations, and sometimes they are the most middle of the road, and can keep things on a slightly more even keel. Probably most, though, tend to "side" with the group they have most recently been part of, as that is they pain that they are either still experiencing or best remember. BS and OW/M are always in a lot of pain. It would be good if we could ALL remember that. And remember, that almost undoubtedly, the MM (or MW) is in pain as well. Just my 2bits.
Freedom Now Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I agree completely, silk. There is pain everywhere. And sometimes, with the brutal posts, the pain is increased for the person that the post is directed at. And that certainly is not healthy for ANYONE. Afterall, I think that most of us here are seeking to get OUT of our pain, not increase it. Peace.
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I agree the MM also have a tough time. And sometimes have no outlet. I wonder even if there was a forum for them if they would even use it.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I agree the MM also have a tough time. And sometimes have no outlet. I wonder even if there was a forum for them if they would even use it. Course they do! It certainly can't be easy, all that lying and sneaking and cheating, bless their hearts! :lmao: Thanks YSM, ya started my day out with a biggggg laugh! Just the way I like it!
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Seriously all joking aside it has to be tough. Whether they are cakeeaters or not. It cant be that easy.
magichands Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I agree the MM also have a tough time. And sometimes have no outlet. I think you'll find they have at least two outlets for their plug.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 OK, now I won't even need a comedy central fix today! LOL, two outlets, tee hee hee hee!
Jinxx Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I agree the MM also have a tough time. I somehow don't think they do have a tough time.... well speaking of MM in my case anyhow.
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 JMO. But i think they do. If the MM really does care about the OW then I think there is a struggle for them.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 So it is the OW that's the cause of his stress?
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 No, he causes it for himself. Not the OW. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. So it is the OW that's the cause of his stress?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 No, he causes it for himself. Not the OW. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Would you also agree that everyone is responsible for their own REactions?
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Whats your point? If your asking was i or am i responsible for my actions in the situtations then YES. I admitted this before. Would you also agree that everyone is responsible for their own REactions?
Author silktricks Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Do you really think the MM would be in the situation if he was truly happy with either option? They've got to be looking for happiness as well. I know my H, and how destroyed he has been over what he did. I simply can't believe that he's the only man who goes through that level of pain. Some men must be in that level of pain over hurting the OW, some over hurting the BW, and some over hurting both women. But I absolutely believe that many (and possibly most) are experiencing pain.
Ripples Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Um, Silktricks, don't you think any pain the MM feels is as a result of being found out?
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I think whether or not the MM goes through some pain. If he is a cakeman then I am sure he must go through some guilt. If he is in a M that he cant seem to leave as of yet then he goes through a battery of emotions. I dont think that it is easy for them. It isnt eay for anyone in the situtation whether he has been found out or not.
Author silktricks Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Um, Silktricks, don't you think any pain the MM feels is as a result of being found out? I was first talking about the pain he must be in to get into the situation in the first place. After all, something must be missing in HIS life to consider getting into a 2nd relationship. Secondly, I was talking about the pain of realization of what they had done. And I really think it's more then being caught out. My H, for example, was not caught. Sometimes, I think that people get involved in things that they don't really intend (witness all of the OW who have said that same thing about themselves). I know that I (for example) can get caught up in work, to the exclusion of all else. I don't mean for that to happen because my family is far more important to me then work is. But, because when I am at work, my attention becomes acutely focused on the needs here, I can completely close-off all thought of my family. Then, when I go on vacation or whatever, I realize how f**ked up I've gotten. I know that's a fairly lousy simile, but I hope that you can get what I mean out of it.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Whats your point? If your asking was i or am i responsible for my actions in the situtations then YES. I admitted this before. NO, I am curious if you are someone else is responsible for their REaction to your action.
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Sorry, This confused me. what is that again? NO, I am curious if you are someone else is responsible for their REaction to your action.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Sorry, that should have you OR not are. How do I do that. I understand that we are responsible for our own actions. I'm wondering if there is a reaction to an action taken by someone, who is responsible for that reaction. Do you consider someone elses reaction to an action a consequence of the initial action or a separate action in itself?
yousaveme Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 HMMM... Good question. Not sure how to answer that. I know I have responsiblity for my actions and my reactions. I can make a choice how to react about something. And if I react badly I have to take responsiblity for what I did or said. ( Does that make sense?) I dont think anyone is really WITHOUT responsiblity. Things just dont happen. Everything has a beginning and a end. Trying to answer your question as best as I can. I hope I am making some sense. Sorry, that should have you OR not are. How do I do that. I understand that we are responsible for our own actions. I'm wondering if there is a reaction to an action taken by someone, who is responsible for that reaction. Do you consider someone elses reaction to an action a consequence of the initial action or a separate action in itself?
Author silktricks Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Sorry, that should have you OR not are. How do I do that. I understand that we are responsible for our own actions. I'm wondering if there is a reaction to an action taken by someone, who is responsible for that reaction. Do you consider someone elses reaction to an action a consequence of the initial action or a separate action in itself? I personally consider every action I make to be my responsibility, whether that action is an initiation by myself or a REaction to someone else's original action. To me, saying "I wouldn't have done this if you hadn't done that," and then say it's all the other person's fault is simply a cop-out. Now, that said, I also know that I want people who I associate with to cut me some slack. I want them to be willing to accept some of my more onerous actions, and take some of the heat themselves by owning up to the fact that people do REact, and that both people have some "fault" in the situation. I am also willing to take some of the heat myself, and own up to those same facts for people I associate with, and most especially the people I love.
jag13 Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I was first talking about the pain he must be in to get into the situation in the first place. After all, something must be missing in HIS life to consider getting into a 2nd relationship. Sometimes, I think that people get involved in things that they don't really intend. Wow you certainly try to see all sides. I think you are right..I don't think that most men or women go out looking for an affair but all the right ingredients and something happens. I know that my MM desperately wants physical intimacy from his wife but after 20 years she doesn't. He says that it has been like this for years but before you think that this is a story/line he gives me I want to point out that he has never said anything negative about his wife. He considers her his friend and they still share friendship and children and he doesn't want to break up there family. But he longs for more intimacy and that does hurt. To think that all M/M are just having an affair for selfish reasons is wrong.
Author silktricks Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 Wow you certainly try to see all sides. Yeah, I do. That's not to say that I always succeed, mind you!! :lmao: To think that all M/M are just having an affair for selfish reasons is wrong. Well, there's selfish, and then there's SELFISH. I do think that when you boil all the oil out, the reason(s) for an affair are basically selfish. That's not to say, though, that it means that any of the three people involved are at root bad people, or totally SELFISH people.
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