friendlygirl Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I met this man a few weeks ago. We met through a friend and immediately knew we were attracted to one another. We hit it off really well and decided to see each other again. Needless to say we have been together every day since i met him. We had discussed that he was not looking for a relationship but just a friend he can hang out with and have fun..... no problem right? In the past two and a half weeks we not only have become intimate..... he stays at my house every night, and both of our families have met (Parents and kids). He shows a little jealousy when the mention of other men comes up. Makes little comments and laughs when my phone goes off at night, Tells me he loves spending time with me, and that since he met me he hasnt talked to any of the girls he was dating before, he can see why the men I was in relationships with in the past always want to stay with me. Tells me that when we go out he loves it when the guys hit on me and all i do is show attention to him. Says it makes him feel good to know that he is going home with the most beautiful girl in the club. My problem is that he and I have gone over every bit of our lives and we feel like we have known each other for ever. We both have been in some rocky relationships and are afraid of getting hurt again so we are supposed to be taking it slow. But im getting mixed signals from him. He treats me as if he wants more and even says it from time to time but then he turns around and says that he doesnt want relationship. Im stuck with trying to figure out wether to stick around and just back off a little and give him time to get over what ever it is he is dealing with or am I being a total dummy about this whole thing and mabey I should walk away.
the_total_package Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Your first mistake was seeing him everyday. In the first month or so, you should be seeing a guy you're dating no more than once a week....twice at MOST (but I don't recommend it.) after that, 2 times a week for a few months...then you can consider spending entire weekends together but make sure sometimes you have plans with girlfriends or something sometimes on Friday. That said, at least you know for next time, LOSE this guy like a HOT potato. Controlling, manipulative, jealous, creepy.....ick. Why would you want him in your life?
Lauriebell82 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 i competely agree..u are moving WAY too fast for only seeing each other a couple weeks. SLOW DOWN. hes unsure of what he wants it sounds like, not to mention manipulative and jealous. u've been together a couple weeks (actually ur not even together) so maybe u should just drop this guy. u are already in way too deep and its just going to get worse. if u dont want to walk away completely, i agree u should just play it cool for awhile. say u have other plans with friends.
Star Gazer Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 We had discussed that he was not looking for a relationship but just a friend he can hang out with and have fun..... no problem right? This means, "I'd like a friends-with-benefits situation, are you okay with that?" He made it very clear to you what he's looking for, and it is NOT a committed relationship. Your decision to continue seeing him after that and sleeping with him indicated that you were okay with a no-strings-attached relationship. I've done the FWB thing before, and realize I totally can't handle it. Some people can, and that's great. But I think we ALL deserve SO much more than that...
Krytellan Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 This means, "I'd like a friends-with-benefits situation, are you okay with that?" We are men. As such, we are VERY simple. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would say so. He is saying contrary and therefore you need to listen to what he's saying, not what you think you are hearing. Star is right here. If you haven't given it up to him yet, don't. He wants to be friends so you need to decide whether that works for you. It doesn't seem that you can handle that. Soooo you will choose to either: obsess about why he doesn't want more from you and give him what he wants when he wants it for nothing in return in an attempt to "win" him over (bad choice), or you will distance yourself from him, and in doing so, acknowledging that you are not in the "mental place" to be just friends with him. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you can't handle being friends with him. It's called being honest with yourself. And we need to take care of ourselves because if we don't, no one else will. You have every right to be selfish here... you owe him nothing. My guess is you're going to go the obsessing route. I hope you make a liar out of me. Good luck
Star Gazer Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 There is nothing wrong with admitting that you can't handle being friends with him. It's called being honest with yourself. And we need to take care of ourselves because if we don't, no one else will. You have every right to be selfish here... you owe him nothing. Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!! There's nothing wrong with admitting you WANT a relationship from him either...you CAN say it's either a relationship or nothing. Like K said, you gotta take care of you, because no one else will!
the_total_package Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 don't you see this guy is an obsessive, creepy, manipulative JERK? Look at the comments he has made. The problem is she needs to lose him, she made her first mistake by jumping in to fast when he wanted to see her everyday, that is just too much too soon, but this dude has gotten the wrong idea, I mean he makes comments because her cell phone rings and it might mean another guy? that is the sign of a very manipulative and controlling man and he also has been somewhat verbally abusive to her, also.
Author friendlygirl Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Thank you all for your input. Its funny how you know the answer but you need to hear it from someone else to make it real for you. I have been in a very abusive relationship before both verbaly and physicaly and I dont see him getting to that extreme. How ever you are all right. There are some issues there I need to take note of. I am going to talk to him tonight after work and let him know that we need to see each other a lot less and get back to the plan of just being friends. Ill post the reaction later.
che_jesse Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Your first mistake was seeing him everyday. In the first month or so, you should be seeing a guy you're dating no more than once a week....twice at MOST (but I don't recommend it.) after that, 2 times a week for a few months...then you can consider spending entire weekends together but make sure sometimes you have plans with girlfriends or something sometimes on Friday. That said, at least you know for next time, LOSE this guy like a HOT potato. Controlling, manipulative, jealous, creepy.....ick. Why would you want him in your life? For the love of.... You give the worst advice, its no wonder you are single. Everyone has a differant pace that they move at. Personally, if someone I was dateing was only interested in seeing eachother once a week I would end right away. friendlygirl, the both of you are moveing quickly and its freaked both of you out, I think as long as your happy just keep doing what your doing but back off with talking about the relationship all that will do is make both him and you try to fit it into some sort of mold your not ready to be in, just let it develop into whatever it will become.
Author friendlygirl Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Well I talked to him. It went well. I told him that I was getting frustrated with the mixed signals and I think that we should not see each other as much. He appologized for getting me confused and agreed to slow it down a bit. He is at home tonight. Actually kind of nice.... my house is quiet lol. Thanks for all the advice.
Violet_Sky Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 a guy will understand and actually appreciate this. Twice at most. try it for a month. You will thank me. However don't come out and announce "I'm seeing you no more than twice a week." Just have plans when he asks you, and don't agree to last minute 'let's hang out' dates, he should ask a few days in advance to have the pleasure of your time.
Author friendlygirl Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 I was reading all your responses last night when I decided to browse around and see what others are going through when i found that the very man im having trouble with is on here too. you can imagine my suprise when i read about all the other girls he is seeing when i am being told i am the only one. Im just the only one he is intimate with. I feel llike an ass. Just when i decide to trust someone WHAM!!!! lol oh well. did piss me off a little to know that he was going out with this girl and thinking about her all the time but was at my house that night. any way i did talk to him about it and he admitted it. I was told that it happened and a couple days later he realized that he didnt want to go out with her because he has me. lmao what a crock!!!!! Why must people play games? I have been in relationships with both men and women and its always the same. Always some lie. Now im being told that he wants a relationship but has a few things he has to get over with his ex. the ex part i believe the relationship part i think is just to keep me hanging on. ANYWAY!!!! My trust is now broken and im sitting here thinking about how i will never trust him again. thats all it takes with me is one lie and im done. thanks all for listening.
Recommended Posts