whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 You can't expect someone to be there for you all the time. Yes it was the first time you reached out........But hey, he didn't let you down, he took you to the clinic, does that not count? Maybe in his mind, that was enough. If he had said no to you to begin with, then YES, you have every right to feel let down...But, to feel real hurt and let down cuz he didn't call and check up on you is unfair....You're putting an expectation on him that he isn't aware of. He isn't a girl, he's a guy....And, he was a guy at work, to boot!
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 The other thought which just popped into my mind...Emotionally - You're still very attached to him. If you weren't this wouldnt' be upsetting you as much...You're emotionally relying on him, and he may sense that......
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 The other thought which just popped into my mind...Emotionally - You're still very attached to him. If you weren't this wouldnt' be upsetting you as much...You're emotionally relying on him, and he may sense that...... I have to agree with this.. maybe you could look into why you feel almost betrayed over something that a friend shouldn't feel betrayal over.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I'm like this too, and that's why I know you're overreacting on this. Everything gets blown out of proportion and makes ya feel worse because of your frame of mind. Been there!! Maybe he isn't able to handle sickness and dealing with someone who is sick. Depending on someone is OK ofcourse, but don't expect them ALWAYS to be there for you. Friends are not family, they have a choice....Even your ex. Well you know, I clearly told him that I was only going to be his friend with the intent of trying to burry our past fights and rebuild new peaceful grounds for a new relationship. I've always told him that there's no way that we can be just friends. I myself have always treated him like family, and I expect no less from him. This is why I feel let down. If I can't expect him to always be there for me like he said he would, then I don't see a point in speaking to him anymore. As I said earlier, maybe he got busy at work and didn't get a chance to call. It is possible he completely forgot -Maybe he had intentions to, but went into work mode and didn't think about it. I know my husband gets real busy at work sometimes and forgets to call me and check up on me. That's probable, but still... I think you need to ask him then if he was joking or not about his text message.. Whether he was joking or not, the bottom line is that he just wasn't there for me as much as he should have, as a best friend and potential boyfriend.
sb129 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 The other thing to consider here too, is you are sick so right now everything seems worse than it really is. You're reacting more than you probably would be reacting if you were feeling healthy. Being sick and down, EVERYTHING just seems to magnify and feel worse than it really is...I know that is how it is for me. So, give yourself afew days and I'm sure you'll see things in a different light when it comes to the ex and how he's handled things. Hey Princessa, last week I was really sick and nobody around, so i know how you feel. I felt soooo sorry for myself, and I was hypersensitive. So WWIU is right about this for sure. I cried because I couldn't get my washing machine to work. Sad huh. Sorry, but if you expected that, this is why you're more disappointed than you realize. I think his message to you was supposed to be a joke...Don't think he meant it in an awful way. I don't think he did either. I think he was kidding. I think most guys display sympathy in a way that is different to the sympathy women expect. (ie the sympathy women GIVE is the kind they WANT) Your ex drove you to the clinic- I think that was pretty cool of him.
JackJack Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Well you know, I clearly told him that I was only going to be his friend with the intent of trying to burry our past fights and rebuild new peaceful grounds for a new relationship. I've always told him that there's no way that we can be just friends. I myself have always treated him like family, and I expect no less from him. This is why I feel let down. If I can't expect him to always be there for me like he said he would, then I don't see a point in speaking to him anymore. That's probable, but still... Whether he was joking or not, the bottom line is that he just wasn't there for me as much as he should have, as a best friend and potential boyfriend. This sounds like its eating you alive. Pick up the phone and call him, right now and ask him was he joking or not? Also just plain out tell him how you feel on the matter.
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 He did take you to the clinic.. albeit almost late but he still did make the effort.. It isn't like he blew you off.. and he is jovial communicating with you in the text message.. I don't get where he went wrong.. okay.. maybe he could've showed more sensitivity towards you and checked up on you.. but you seem to be making this into an almost deal breaker and it shouldn't be. If you guys are supposed to be friends then he did the friendship thing.. he was there for you.. just not in the exact way you wanted him to be.. You both are not lovers anymore so it would almost be overstepping boundaries if he acted like your BF.
sb129 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 PS- I hope you feel better soon. I found trashy magazines, paracetamol, orange juice and lots of rest sorted me out.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I myself have always treated him like family, and I expect no less from him. This is why I feel let down. If I can't expect him to always be there for me like he said he would, then I don't see a point in speaking to him anymore. So, the friendship, if it continues, is on YOUR terms, with strings attached. That's not friendship, that is CONTROL. You are putting a HUGE expectation on him.....HUGE and UNFAIR. Hate to say it, but you're the one who is being selfish here. Christ, the guy TOOK YOU TO THE CLINIC when you were sick!!! And now, cuz he didn't call you to check on you, you're about to end the friendship because you 'expected' him to call ya??? His life and what goes on in it (work) is just as important as what is going on in your life. You are going to continue to be very disappointed in him and your other friends if you have these types of expectations....People have their own lives, their own sh.it and may not be there ALL the time when you want them to be. Just because you have treated him like family and put his needs first, doesn't mean he MUST do the same for you. Accept your friends, and him for who they are...Good and bad faults. The SHOULD's is what is gonna get you feeling worse. He SHOULD do this, he SHOULD feel like this....SHOULD is a controlling word. It's bossy and makes people feel guilty when they're told they "SHOULD" do or act a certain way. Hope this is making sense to you. Sorry to be harsh, but man, you're completely blowing this out of proportion!
JackJack Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 He did take you to the clinic.. albeit almost late but he still did make the effort.. It isn't like he blew you off.. and he is jovial communicating with you in the text message.. I don't get where he went wrong.. okay.. maybe he could've showed more sensitivity towards you and checked up on you.. but you seem to be making this into an almost deal breaker and it shouldn't be. If you guys are supposed to be friends then he did the friendship thing.. he was there for you.. just not in the exact way you wanted him to be.. You both are not lovers anymore so it would almost be overstepping boundaries if he acted like your BF. But see, what he did do, was not good enough to her. He did NOT meet the expectations she had set, and there fore in her mind HE let her down. I think she has let herself down with the expectations.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 That's probable, but still... This attitude is fine if he is your husband or boyfriend, but he is JUST A FRIEND. He doesn't HAVE to do anything he doesn't want to do. You can't ask a friend to do more than they can....And he did enough...Just not enough for you, your standards and expectations to make YOU happy.
VinaAmez Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 So, the friendship, if it continues, is on YOUR terms, with strings attached. That's not friendship, that is CONTROL. You are putting a HUGE expectation on him.....HUGE and UNFAIR. Hate to say it, but you're the one who is being selfish here. Christ, the guy TOOK YOU TO THE CLINIC when you were sick!!! And now, cuz he didn't call you to check on you, you're about to end the friendship because you 'expected' him to call ya??? His life and what goes on in it (work) is just as important as what is going on in your life. You are going to continue to be very disappointed in him and your other friends if you have these types of expectations....People have their own lives, their own sh.it and may not be there ALL the time when you want them to be. Just because you have treated him like family and put his needs first, doesn't mean he MUST do the same for you. Accept your friends, and him for who they are...Good and bad faults. The SHOULD's is what is gonna get you feeling worse. He SHOULD do this, he SHOULD feel like this....SHOULD is a controlling word. It's bossy and makes people feel guilty when they're told they "SHOULD" do or act a certain way. Hope this is making sense to you. Sorry to be harsh, but man, you're completely blowing this out of proportion! Yeah I agree. He's not your bf or H. He owes you NOTHING. Be glad he did whe he did.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I have to agree with this.. maybe you could look into why you feel almost betrayed over something that a friend shouldn't feel betrayal over. Because for one, I made it clear to him that we weren't "just friends". He pretty much seemed to agree and continued to act just like before when we were going out together. Just last week we even had an incident where I got worried about him talking to another girl or something, and he even reassured me that he wasn't looking for anything and wouldn't cheat on me. I think is what's pretty much overlooked here. I do have higher expectations of him because no, we're not JUST FRIENDS. And he's lead me on to believe that I could rely on him as family, which after all I figure I can't. But thanks to this episode I think I've found out his true intentions.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Hey Princessa, last week I was really sick and nobody around, so i know how you feel. I felt soooo sorry for myself, and I was hypersensitive. So WWIU is right about this for sure. I cried because I couldn't get my washing machine to work. Sad huh. Yeah I'm like that too. Pretty sad indeed... I want my mommy
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 PS- I hope you feel better soon. I found trashy magazines, paracetamol, orange juice and lots of rest sorted me out. Hahah thanks
Touche Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 You can start all over and wipe the slate clean all you want but the same old kinds of issues will continue to pop up. You two are clearly not relationship material for each other. You're all wrong for each other. I've said it before and I will say it again. Let this "friend" go. You're never going to move on to a healthier relationship if you don't. His heart is clearly not in this friendship..(or his actions would have been different i.e. calling to make sure you're ok, etc.) Let it go already. Why drive yourself crazy. He's NEVER going to be what you want him to be.
JackJack Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Because for one, I made it clear to him that we weren't "just friends". He pretty much seemed to agree and continued to act just like before when we were going out together. Just last week we even had an incident where I got worried about him talking to another girl or something, and he even reassured me that he wasn't looking for anything and wouldn't cheat on me. I think is what's pretty much overlooked here. I do have higher expectations of him because no, we're not JUST FRIENDS. And he's lead me on to believe that I could rely on him as family, which after all I figure I can't. But thanks to this episode I think I've found out his true intentions. I'm lost, I thought you said you all were just friends? Just last week we even had an incident where I got worried about him talking to another girl. I think you feel differently about the relationship than he does. You are still attatched where as he may not be as much as you are.
VinaAmez Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 You two are definitely not on the same page. You want something different then it sounds like he wants.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 You are going to continue to be very disappointed in him and your other friends if you have these types of expectations....People have their own lives, their own sh.it and may not be there ALL the time when you want them to be. Just because you have treated him like family and put his needs first, doesn't mean he MUST do the same for you. Accept your friends, and him for who they are...Good and bad faults. You don't understand!! I never agreed to being no strings attached friends with him!!!!! Of course I'd never expect this from my other friends, but in my mind both of us are still together, just on a break or something. And I've made it clear to him too. We all know too well that being "just friends" with an ex never ends well, and it was never my intention to go there.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 But you say he is your EX boyfriend. It's obvious he isn't. And, this is why it's hard to be friends with an ex....... Again, you have very high expectations that come with a pricetag. Boyfriend, exboyfriend or just a friend, he'll never meet ALL your needs/expectations. Nothing will be good enough for your own standards. Even family at times will let ya down at times...It's not cool to expect someone to be there for you ALL the time. My god, the man DROVE you to the clinic!!!!!!! And now, cuz he didn't call and check up on you, you're freaking out. You have a bad cold or flu. You don't have cancer, you're not dying. Sorry, but this is more than you being in a bad frame of mind because you're sick...This way of thinking isn't healthy at all. And, because of it, you WILL be disappointed alot of the time. Give because you want to give, but less back. Noone is capable of giving as much as you give out..Most know this. I am a HUGE giver and I dont get back what I give out. And,I don't expect it back...
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I had been talking to my ex for about a month now and we had agreed to become friends again. Because for one, I made it clear to him that we weren't "just friends". He pretty much seemed to agree and continued to act just like before when we were going out together. Ahh... I got the impression from your first post that it was just friends.. Then your reaction should be that you talk with him.. calmly and not get to emotional.. the way you are right now will just turn this into a breakup.. This misunderstanding is all about expectations.. a person be expect to meet certain bars if he doesn't know they exist.. if he does know then you need to sit him down and tell him your needs.. and if he can't give you what you are looking for then...Well.. you know... you have to move on.. Call him and speak with him about this..
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 You can start all over and wipe the slate clean all you want but the same old kinds of issues will continue to pop up. You two are clearly not relationship material for each other. You're all wrong for each other. I've said it before and I will say it again. Let this "friend" go. You're never going to move on to a healthier relationship if you don't. His heart is clearly not in this friendship..(or his actions would have been different i.e. calling to make sure you're ok, etc.) Let it go already. Why drive yourself crazy. He's NEVER going to be what you want him to be. Yeah now I'm growing more and more convinced of this.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 You don't understand!! I never agreed to being no strings attached friends with him!!!!! Of course I'd never expect this from my other friends, but in my mind both of us are still together, just on a break or something. And I've made it clear to him too. We all know too well that being "just friends" with an ex never ends well, and it was never my intention to go there. You never said this to begin with!! You referred to him as YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. Go read your original post............I am only going on what you've said Princessa. It's obvious that you want him to jump through hoops for ya...And he did a big jump by taking you to the clinic... Your emotions are out of whack becuase you're sick, so hopefully in afew days you'll see all this in a better and healthier light.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Well sorry for the confusion everybody....
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 You need to talk to him and sort this out. Set up boundries, rules, expectations of what you BOTH want out of the friendship/relationship.
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