princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I've fallen terribly ill this past week, and my symtoms were getting worse and wose. I didn't have anybody around at all to even check up on me.. I had been talking to my ex for about a month now and we had agreed to become friends again. So I called him up, crying because I really needed somebody to drive me to the clinic and asked him if he would drive me the next day. He said ok, and the next day he only called me after work at 6:30pm.. Mind you most clinics here close at 9pm and stop taking patients by 7pm. If I hadn't started crying in front of the reception desk they wouldn't have let me see a doctor when we finally got to the clinic . He didn't even check up on me while he was at work to at least see if I was still alive, and didn't even bother leaving work early to take care of me. Not only that but he kept asking me that if I felt THAT sick why didn't I call an ambulance or call a cab early that morning to take me to the clinic. Doesn't he understand that I needed SOMEBODY to be there with me??? The worst of it all is this morning I get a message from him saying "thanks for sharing the sore throat with me on valentine's day". WHO SAYS THAT? Doesn't he have any compassion at all?? I can't believe that after all I've done for him, the first time that I truly needed him he just acts as if it's such a HUGE favor.. And then resents me for having even asked for his help... I don't understand how is it possible to be so selfish and cruel... This is seriously beyond me...
JackJack Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I've fallen terribly ill this past week, and my symtoms were getting worse and wose. I didn't have anybody around at all to even check up on me.. I had been talking to my ex for about a month now and we had agreed to become friends again. So I called him up, crying because I really needed somebody to drive me to the clinic and asked him if he would drive me the next day. He said ok, and the next day he only called me after work at 6:30pm.. Mind you most clinics here close at 9pm and stop taking patients by 7pm. If I hadn't started crying in front of the reception desk they wouldn't have let me see a doctor when we finally got to the clinic . He didn't even check up on me while he was at work to at least see if I was still alive, and didn't even bother leaving work early to take care of me. Not only that but he kept asking me that if I felt THAT sick why didn't I call an ambulance or call a cab early that morning to take me to the clinic. Doesn't he understand that I needed SOMEBODY to be there with me??? The worst of it all is this morning I get a message from him saying "thanks for sharing the sore throat with me on valentine's day". WHO SAYS THAT? Doesn't he have any compassion at all?? I can't believe that after all I've done for him, the first time that I truly needed him he just acts as if it's such a HUGE favor.. And then resents me for having even asked for his help... I don't understand how is it possible to be so selfish and cruel... This is seriously beyond me... Maybe his selfishness is a clue that he doesn't want to be in your life after all?
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 It's not even about that.. I mean it's the least you can do for anybody. Be it a neighbour or an old friend that you now hate.. I can't imagine just leaving somebody on their own if they need help... or even resenting them for having asked for help... this isn't human!
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 This is why being friends with an ex and having expectations (yes, you put that on him) won't work. Family, close girl friends are the ones who count, not an ex who you want to be around to make you feel better. Seems there were strings attached to him helping you.......Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh. Also, who knows how busy his day was at work. That doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means that you aren't as important to him because you two are not a couple anymore. I do hope you feel better soon.
JackJack Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Do you not have anyone else you could have called? No other friends or family? Do you have a car? I understand what you're saying though, you just wanted someone to be there for you while you were sick? It is nice to have someone be there for you at times.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Family, close girl friends are the ones who count, not an ex who you want to be around to make you feel better. Seems there were strings attached to him helping you.......Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh. What do you mean by strings attached?? For whom, me or him?? Also, who knows how busy his day was at work. That doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means that you aren't as important to him because you two are not a couple anymore. Well you know, it's not like we were becoming totally platonic friends or even discussed never being in a relationship again. We've pretty much been best friends since I've known him, relationship or not, and he did tell me that I could count on him. But I guess it was just words.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Do you not have anyone else you could have called? No other friends or family? Do you have a car? I understand what you're saying though, you just wanted someone to be there for you while you were sick? It is nice to have someone be there for you at times. I do have one really good friend but she doesn't have a car and I didn't want to bother her because she's studying and I didn't want her to get sick during exams.. And it happened that my family is out of town this week.. I do have a car but I could barely hold myself up, I didn't think I was gonna be able to drive... Man I've been bending over backwards for this guy ever since I've known him.. The last thing I expected was for him to turn his back on me like this.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 What do you mean by strings attached?? For whom, me or him?? You. And by strings attached, you want him to care and worry about you. Him not checking in on you IS kind of telling you that he cares,(if he didn't he wouldn't have taken the time to take you to the clinic) but from a distance...
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Man I've been bending over backwards for this guy ever since I've known him.. The last thing I expected was for him to turn his back on me like this. That sucks. I know that feeling of being the giver (i'm like this in all my friendships with family, friends, neighbours) and when the time comes when I need help, unfortunately I don't get back what I give out. Sure, it kind of pisses me off, but it's also unfair of me to expect the same back. I say, just lower your expectation levels when it comes to him and accept that he is a friend, but NOT someone you can fully rely on when the chips are down. He may not be able to handle it, nor may he want to. Still unfair, but not all people want to go out of their way and put themselves out for others...
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 and didn't even bother leaving work early to take care of me. Are you saying that he should take off work because you have a cold ?.. or are you sicker than that ?.. Sorry.. I'm not trying to seem insensitive He sounds like he was just pacifying you.. and he really isn't interested in being there for you. I can understand the need to have someone there if you are super sick or just had surgery or something like that.. even if all they do is show up with some soup and check up on you.. Does he think that maybe you are playing it up for attention ?
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 The other thing to consider here too, is you are sick so right now everything seems worse than it really is. You're reacting more than you probably would be reacting if you were feeling healthy. Being sick and down, EVERYTHING just seems to magnify and feel worse than it really is...I know that is how it is for me. So, give yourself afew days and I'm sure you'll see things in a different light when it comes to the ex and how he's handled things.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Are you saying that he should take off work because you have a cold ?.. or are you sicker than that ?.. Sorry.. I'm not trying to seem insensitive He sounds like he was just pacifying you.. and he really isn't interested in being there for you. Well clearly he isn't. And it sucks because for so long he's tried to convince me otherwise. Okay so maybe it wasn't big enough for him to miss work.. but he could have at least called to check up on me. Does he think that maybe you are playing it up for attention ? He saw me when he was driving me to the clinic, and let me tell you it wasn't pretty. Attention or not, I was still happy yesterday that he drove me, and thanked him.. until this morning where I got this message of his. I guess now I really know where I stand in his life despite whatever he's been saying.
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 but he could have at least called to check up on me. Yeah.. he could've and should've.. Sorry.. it has to suck until this morning where I got this message of his. I guess now I really know where I stand in his life despite whatever he's been saying. Maybe the thing to do is totally ignore him and leave him to his own insensitivity
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 The other thing to consider here too, is you are sick so right now everything seems worse than it really is. You're reacting more than you probably would be reacting if you were feeling healthy. Being sick and down, EVERYTHING just seems to magnify and feel worse than it really is...I know that is how it is for me. So, give yourself afew days and I'm sure you'll see things in a different light when it comes to the ex and how he's handled things. So are you saying that it's acceptable for somebody to resent you for having asked their help, and send resentful messages cause you might have accidentally passed something on to them??? Especially somebody who's lead you on to believe that you were uh let's see.. about the 2nd most important person in their life???
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Okay so maybe it wasn't big enough for him to miss work Sorry, but if you expected that, this is why you're more disappointed than you realize. I think his message to you was supposed to be a joke...Don't think he meant it in an awful way.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Maybe the thing to do is totally ignore him and leave him to his own insensitivity Blah I can't help myself, I already sent him a sarcastic text. I really can't keep my mouth shut most of the time. But yeah, I don't think I want anything to do with him anymore..
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Sorry, but if you expected that, this is why you're more disappointed than you realize. I think his message to you was supposed to be a joke...Don't think he meant it in an awful way. A joke??????? Are you kidding me??? Who jokes like this??
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 So are you saying that it's acceptable for somebody to resent you for having asked their help, and send resentful messages cause you might have accidentally passed something on to them??? Especially somebody who's lead you on to believe that you were uh let's see.. about the 2nd most important person in their life??? Being second best is not like being put first. You two then maybe should talk and set boundries up on what expectations you both want from eachother. Did he actually tell you he resented you? Was he rude to you (phone or in person?) Maybe he isn't one to help out alot when it comes to being relied on when someone is sick. His resentful messages could have been a joke, that's why I'm saying that in afew days when you're feeling better, see how you feel then.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 A joke??????? Are you kidding me??? Who jokes like this?? I doubt his intent was to piss you off. "thanks for sharing the sore throat with me on valentine's day". See, I really believe he was just joking around. You didn't hear his voice on that, just his words written in a message. You're putting your own spin on it and making it seem like he's resenting you. But, if he is, ASK HIM. Don't assume...And besides, noone can catch a sore throat in less than 24 hours after being exposed to it.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Being second best is not like being put first. You two then maybe should talk and set boundries up on what expectations you both want from eachother. I've brought this up with him many times before actually, I told him that I needed someone in my life whom I could depend on. He clearly told me before that I could always count on him no matter what. But this is the first time that I've actually taken him up on that since I'm pretty independent and self-sufficient most of the time. The only time when I'm not is when I get sick and I literally get transformed into a giant cry baby. Did he actually tell you he resented you? Was he rude to you (phone or in person?) Maybe he isn't one to help out alot when it comes to being relied on when someone is sick. His resentful messages could have been a joke, that's why I'm saying that in afew days when you're feeling better, see how you feel then. I still don't understand how could such messages possibly be a joke. That and the fact that he didn't call from work to check up on me clearly says that I can't depend on him.
JackJack Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I doubt his intent was to piss you off. See, I really believe he was just joking around. You didn't hear his voice on that, just his words written in a message. You're putting your own spin on it and making it seem like he's resenting you. But, if he is, ASK HIM. Don't assume...And besides, noone can catch a sore throat in less than 24 hours after being exposed to it. I second this, if he or anyone for that matter, has done something you feel to intentionally piss you off, ask them about. Call them out on it, and see what they have to say. Do not assume something is the way it is for sure, when you do not know for sure.
Author princessa Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 And besides, noone can catch a sore throat in less than 24 hours after being exposed to it. Exactly..... Plus he was complaining yesterday that he felt like he was coming down with something...
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 The only time when I'm not is when I get sick and I literally get transformed into a giant cry baby. I'm like this too, and that's why I know you're overreacting on this. Everything gets blown out of proportion and makes ya feel worse because of your frame of mind. Been there!! Maybe he isn't able to handle sickness and dealing with someone who is sick. Depending on someone is OK ofcourse, but don't expect them ALWAYS to be there for you. Friends are not family, they have a choice....Even your ex. That and the fact that he didn't call from work to check up on me clearly says that I can't depend on him. As I said earlier, maybe he got busy at work and didn't get a chance to call. It is possible he completely forgot -Maybe he had intentions to, but went into work mode and didn't think about it. I know my husband gets real busy at work sometimes and forgets to call me and check up on me. I think you need to ask him then if he was joking or not about his text message..
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Exactly..... Plus he was complaining yesterday that he felt like he was coming down with something... So he was coming down with something before he even saw ya....TRUST ME ON THIS, his message to you was a joke. You know him, is he a nasty cruel person who would kick someone when they're down and out? If he is, then why the heck are you even friends with him???? I have a male friend I used to work with, my husband still works with him, anyway, he makes fun of me ALL the time. Sure it bugs me at times, but HIS intentions are not cruel...He just honestly believes he's being funny! That is why again, you need to ASK him about the message. In all honesty, I read it and laughed...Is it possible in his own way, he was cracking a joke to cheer you up???
VinaAmez Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Well I think your overreacting here. You need to understand, just because your a giver doesn't mean that other person is too. You can't expect people to be because you are. He's an ex. He has no responsibility to you. Sure you would think he would call and see how your doing but I guess he's not like that. As for the text, I don't know what he meant. Could be good or bad. If he didn't leave something like a LOL or smily face then I would take it as a cold text.
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