Prim&proper Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 For those following my story, my ex of one year and I broke up about 1 month ago. We were having problems in our relationship resulting from how we communicate and fight and even went to counseling. He's broken up with me twice before. Yesterday, I got a dozen roses in the mail with the following note "wishing you much joy and happiness in your life. with love, ???" I know it's him because that's his writing style and no one else would send such a message. I have chosen to ignore it, but it really pisses me off. What was the point of it and why red roses? What an idiot! I was doing so well with the NC, but now I just want to contact him. I've been going back and forth from wanting to email him to say thanks to just ignoring it completely. So far i've been good at the ignoring thing. But what do you think? what the heck is he doing? Is he being nice because he thought it is too soon for me to get flowers? Why not send yellow or pink then?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Probably being nice. The note seems to say I wish you the best - good luck getting on with your life. Maybe he was feeling guilty. I don't understand though why he wouldn't sign it. THAT is weird. The color of the roses might not mean as much to him as to you, wouldn't read too much into that. Certainly wouldn't thank him for them since he didn't sign it. I guess if you wait to see whether he intitiates further contact then you will have a much better idea of his intentions.
LakesideDream Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I agree with IWWH. The gift was probably ment to be a nice jesture. As a male I can tell you I don't keep up well on the "colors" things. The fact that he didn't sign the card was generous on his part. In my opinion it says that the flowers came without strings attached, and that he didn't expect a response. Take them for what they are. A nice sentiment.
KittenMoon Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 It sounds like he was just trying to be nice, in the typical emotionally-clueless male fashion. Jerk.
Author Prim&proper Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Thanks for the male perspective. I'll just take it as him trying to be nice but failing miserably. I will also not respond at all, and keep him wondering whether I ever got it.
Am4Real Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Thanks for the male perspective. I'll just take it as him trying to be nice but failing miserably. I will also not respond at all, and keep him wondering whether I ever got it. P&P, Are these posters kidding me/you, the ROSES and the NOTE had three purposes: to have you contact him; for him to gain control of you; for you to be the one to break NC and not him. This is one of the most juvenile tricks to have the other person break NC instead of the one’s self. My EX just started doing it as well. Maybe it’s a Valentine’s thing!! I hope you fight the urge to contact him. If he is serious about talking to you he would be a man and pick up the damn phone and call you. He should save the unsigned cards with flowers for the pre-adolescent crowd. Don’t fall for it. Am4Real
Author Prim&proper Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Thanks Am4Real. A part of me thinks that too. I will not contact him, but am feeling bummed out because of this contact from him. I feel like I was doing fine until this. Now I'm back to feeling crappy again. It really sucks.
silentcharon Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 This too happened to me, although it was totally out of the blue- I opted not to contact him at all, not even a thank you. I know how you feel, it made me feel obligated to acknowledge the bonquet (it was a very extravagant one), but I still chose not to break MY nc, on the advice of many others from LS. It resulted in him stopping at my house several weeks later. Don't contact him.
ratingsguy Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Are these posters kidding me/you The posters are giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, and I tend to side with them. But then again, I trust everybody. It's possible that he has feelings of guilt and just wanted to make sure that you were taken care of on VD. I don't think that's too far fetched. And speaking as a guy, I also don't know what the different colored flowers mean. Although I did learn that red=love. I forget what the other colors mean. Maintain NC, but just consider it a friendly gesture and nothing more.
Am4Real Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 The posters are giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, and I tend to side with them. But then again, I trust everybody. It's possible that he has feelings of guilt and just wanted to make sure that you were taken care of on VD. I don't think that's too far fetched. And speaking as a guy, I also don't know what the different colored flowers mean. Although I did learn that red=love. I forget what the other colors mean. Maintain NC, but just consider it a friendly gesture and nothing more. "benefit of the doubt"...I think not. This guy is either mature enough to sign a card and let his intentions be known or he can leave the childish tricks and behavior somewhere else. Period.
CrossRhodes Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 No offense girls, but I pray that I don't date girls who think like yourselves. Give the poor guy a break. He's not sending you a secret message laced with subtext. He's not expecting you to contact him. If he wanted that, he would have signed his name. Leaving his name off was an altruistic gesture. As for the red roses, he loves you. Yes it's romantic love, he hasn't gotten over you that fast. But he means well - in fact, sending yellow or pink flowers would feel cold and unsentimental to him. You don't have to acknowledge him and in the spirit of NC, you probably shouldn't. Accept the gesture with grace and move on.
LakesideDream Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 P&P, Are these posters kidding me/you, the ROSES and the NOTE had three purposes: to have you contact him; for him to gain control of you; for you to be the one to break NC and not him. This is one of the most juvenile tricks to have the other person break NC instead of the one’s self. My EX just started doing it as well. Maybe it’s a Valentine’s thing!! I hope you fight the urge to contact him. If he is serious about talking to you he would be a man and pick up the damn phone and call you. He should save the unsigned cards with flowers for the pre-adolescent crowd. Don’t fall for it. Am4Real Am for real... you are painting with a broad brush. 9 months after my divorce was final (25 year marriage, she cheated for 20+... I was dumb), After six months or so of mutual N/C, I was feeling a little sappy, and I sent my ex a pretty extravagant arraingment for Valentines. Mind you she was shacked up with the other man. Valentines was and is a memorable time for me. I enjoy the exchanging of romantic gifts. I didn't sign the card either, just said "thanks for great valentines memories". I didn't expect anything in return. My adult daughter (22 at the time) told me later that her mom enjoyed the flowers in the spirit they were sent, and that they were accepted in grace by her BF as well. Sometimes a nice jesture, is just a nice jesture.
Am4Real Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Mind you she was shacked up with the other man. Valentines was and is a memorable time for me. I enjoy the exchanging of romantic gifts. I didn't sign the card either, just said "thanks for great valentines memories". I didn't expect anything in return. Hey Lakeside, A broad brush yes, but only in the context of a supposed mysterious admirer who in P&P's original case sounds like someone trying to entice her out of NC. The way you describe your situation and with [highlight]25+ years of marriage[/highlight] behind you, a thank-you card with reference to "great memories" leaves no doubt they were from you. And perhaps the classy side of your actions is that you may have been "sappy" but you did not expect anything in return (implied) and you didn't use any words in your card to spawn an action or cunningly change anything. That's class! Unfortunate for P&P her EX appears to have other intentions instead of facing her with whatever is REALLY on his mind. IMHO. Am4Real
LakesideDream Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Am4real, I understand the point you are making. Being an "almost" senior citizen may temper my judgement and make me slower to cast aspersions on what I read, so be it. Am I personally a cynic, or pessimist? Absolutely. However I am slower to jump than I was when I was younger. Typically I accept things and situations at "face value" until facts to the contrary surface. I read that PP was asking for opinions and or advice. That she wasn't sure what his motives were. I am absolutely willing to believe that her EX isn't ready to let go yet. After being a member here for awhile now, I'd say he has lots of company. I am also willing to believe, until other facts or motives surface that he ment no harm sending the roses, at worst he was communicating "I'm still here, and have feelings for you"... not so bad when compared to the stories of stalkers you read here. Nothing wrong with being carefull. In any case, no lasting harm was done.
CrossRhodes Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 LakesideDream, I had a similar experience in my younger days. My first relationship lasted 4 years. A few months after my first girlfriend and I broke up, I sent a bunch of flowers to her workplace for Valentine's Day. As I recall, I didn't include a message. I still had a lot of love for her, but I wanted her to have something nice without making it about me. FWIW, I never heard from her again.
Author Prim&proper Posted February 21, 2007 Author Posted February 21, 2007 Hi Friends, Thank you all for your perspective. Two days after V-day, he contacted me, asking me a question about how we ended. We have been communicating via email the last few days and he wants to talk tomorrow. I think he may want to get back together but I'm not sure from the emails. I am also not sure I want to get back with him. It's been nice to know that he's been as miserable with the NC as me.
LakesideDream Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 For better or worse, the flowers got you two talking. I suspect that was the goal. Good Luck.
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