Boundaries

[Kathleen2260]

I've posted here before about my bf and his emotional fling with his married ex. We've been going to counseling and working things out and he's had NO contact with the ex at all. Totally erased her from his life. Anyway one of the things he's been learning in counseling is appropriate boundaries. He grew up with two sisters so he is very comfortable around women and very easy to talk to and this is how he ends up stepping over boundaries that he shouldn't be crossing. I used to be a secure person. I had no problem with him complimenting a woman who hangs out at his fire station in front of me about how he liked her new hair color. I didn't have a problem when he made his female co worker a nice card for her birthday and that she did the same for him on his birthday. But ever since his lying and running around behind my back with his married ex (happened two years ago) I watch his interactions with other women. This time its not HIM I'm worried about and I'm not really worried because he's worked with this woman for a very long time. She's his boss. He works for a small company- 6 employees- which is owned by a husband and wife and their youngest son works there as well. So does his best friend. My bf has worked there for the last 11 years. It is a good job and he likes it except for the famliy fights that occur at work. The boss's wife is in her late 40's and she works in the office. These people make me a bit uncomfortable. The husband is always joking around with me which is fine I can take it but the wife also jokes around with me, but in a sexual way. She will ask me (jokingly) how much sex I've had recently with my bf (her employee) and once she announced to everyone that I was pregnant and trying to hide it (not true) as another joke. She is one of those people who likes to try to shock or embarrass you in all in good fun. When i very first met her she told me my bf told her all about how I covered him in whipped cream and licked it off. She nicknamed me "the whipped cream girl" for about six months. My bf actually didnt' tell her this as we've never done this (it was chocolate syrup not whipped cream so it was just a guess on her part)

 

Another time my bf's bosses (husband and wife) came to our house to pick up something when my bf wasn't there. The wife basically invited herself into our house and demanded a tour (she was nice but pushy about it) so I showed her around the house and we got to the bedroom and she said oh so here is the bed where (bf) ties you up and does all kinds of nasty stuff to you. I really didn't know how to respond so I just laughed and sort of played along and said jokingly Nope I"M the one who ties him up. SHe and her husband laughed but the wife kept suggesting kinky stuff I could do to my bf. It was more than a little uncomfortable. That was about three years ago and he still works there. The wife (his boss) and her husband are always there together but the wife loves talking about innapropriate things and will talk about her sex life to anyone who will listen. She even talks about it in front of her son. My bf and i got engaged recently and his boss wanted to see the ring. She then said "wow that is huge! I bet when you saw that you ripped his clothes off and climbed on top of him" Which is something that actually happened (we had sex after he proposed) and so I'm wondering if my bf is actually telling his boss these stories or if she is just guessing because she has a dirty mind. I don't think she is interested in my bf because she treats him like one of her kids too (teases him, makes fun of him etc) but the way she interacts with him makes me uncomfortable. I know its probably nothing because her husband is always at work right there the whole time and since it is all men (her son included) that she works with maybe she's just trying to be one of the guys. However my bf did tell me that she was telling him (and her son) about going to the doctor for some sexual problems and what the dr. told her and so forth. This is all just very strange to me because anywhere I've worked I might be close to my co workers and boss but we don't behave like that. My current boss is a male and he makes it a point to never even shut his door when one of his female employees in alone in his office with him (for a meeting or something). I guess the point of this is that while I realize his boss is crossing many boundaries do i have a reason to be concerned that my bf thinks this is acceptable? I think he sees her as sort of an annoying older woman trying to act 20 years old or something. He laughs it off. But i'm not sure.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

GAWD, I have a friend that is just like the wife. She is obnoxious to be around. She will talk to a complete stranger about her sex life. When she divorced her X she made a joke in court and asked the judge for conjugal visits.

 

I think what you are dealing with is just someone who seeks attention in the way. My friend is also pretty narcissistic and demanding and doesn't see how everyone makes fun of her to her face and definately behind her back. Every man that I know (in our group) even the single ones are a little entertained by her but are also repulsed by her. I believe that while completely inappropriate what she is doing is a complete turn off. You must look very inviting compared to someone like her!

[BeenAround_N_Back]

Wow, this stuff is consider sexual harrassment!!! I would never stay at a place like this and if my H works at a place like this, I'd heavily influence to quit.

[stillafool]

My sister in law is that way. She talks about her sex life constantly and how she wants sex. She even does this in front of our parents. I feel very uncomfortable around those type of women. It's like they're advertising that they like sex to get men's attention. Her husband should have a talk with her about it. It is very unprofessional and I've never worked in an office atmosphere like that before either.

[Kathleen2260]

I'm not worried that he's going to have an affair with her or anything like that I"m just thinking that if he's around this all the time and thinks its normal then he's going to have a hard time distinguishing between what are appropriate behaviors and what aren't. But he's an adult and I'm sure he can figure it out. I actually used to have a good friend who acted like this. She was my best friend all through high school and when we went to college we were roomates for two years. It was her first sense of freedom from overprotective parents and she really went wild. She was having sex for the first time and all into experimenting which was fine. We had a good time talking about different things. But she was really outrageous at times- she would just tell anyone and everyone about her sex life. She had all kinds of "toys" and anyone who would come over she would show them her collection and tell them the benefits of using them. When my boyfriend (different boyfriend then) would come to visit we'd be having dinner and she'd be telling him about how she tried this new position or what she did to her boyfriend. She wasn't flirting with him she was just talking about this stuff like she was talking about the weather. It was probably for attention but it never bothered me. It is just strange to have someone my mother's age (and a mother herself) as well as a boss making comments to me about what my bf and I do in our bedroom. I mean most people if their significant other's boss stopped by to pick something up you'd think to offer them a drink or have polite conversation, not have them ask you how many times you've had sex on the kitchen table.

[lovelorcet]

I dunno... I think you people are just a bit up-tight....