DyingHeart Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Ok, for some reason I googled his aim screen name and I found a blog site he made. Here I find out back in 2004/05 he's been seeing some other girl behind my back. I couldn't believe what I was reading. He f**king lied to me every f**king day. Everytime I was mentioned in his blog, I was only considered a "good friend". Never his girlfriend or his fiance. I can't believe how stupid I was. I can't believe he would betray me like that. All I ever did was love him. I am hurting so bad from this. I know, you are all going to say, that what should it matter now, now that we aren't together anymore? It matters because, I trusted him. It matters because this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the one who I loved with every fiber of my being. Now, I feel like I'm the biggest piece of trash. I feel as if he ripped my heart out, held it in front of my face and spit on it before he flushed it down the toilet. I feel nauseous, I'm shaking, I can't stop crying. I don't think I'm going to trust anyone for a long time. And if I do, it won't be much. This is going to haunt me until the day I die. I was with him from 2000 till 2006-7 and all he did was make a fool out of me. No one has to respond to this. I just needed to write it out and what better place then here?
RecordProducer Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the one who I loved with every fiber of my being. That's the first red flag - when you love. When you're crazy about someone, you're blind and vulnerable. Now, I feel like I'm the biggest piece of trash. I feel as if he ripped my heart out, held it in front of my face and spit on it before he flushed it down the toilet. Welcome to the club! We've all felt like that numerous times. Did you think you got any special treatment? I feel nauseous, I'm shaking, I can't stop crying. Just don't call him, it's over. I don't think I'm going to trust anyone for a long time. And if I do, it won't be much. Good. With your history of trusting men, you should be careful. But not all men are the same. This is going to haunt me until the day I die. I was with him from 2000 till 2006-7 and all he did was make a fool out of me. Some men are experts in that, but guess what: no one will ever make a fool out of you if you don't let him. No one has to respond to this. I just needed to write it out and what better place then here?Well I had to respond. I put my salt&pepper into every thread.
Author DyingHeart Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Oh yeah, btw, I have HPV. I ended up getting it around the same time my ex was cheating. I figured I picked it up from a toilet seat or something. Now everything is falling into place. I am so utterly pissed off. I wish I never would've met him. Here I thought he was the perfect guy, but nope, I was wrong. I was so damned wrong.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 DyingHeart, I am sorry you found that blog and that it hurts so badly. Please allow me to say that NC means NOT googling your ex's screen name so that others can learn from this. Doing this has hurt you when you were just starting to heal a bit. Please don't torture yourself again in this manner! I can understand being more cautious with your heart in the future, but there really aren't any guarantees in matters of love, only hopes. People in general have become so self centered, but there are still many with values such as loyalty, respect and fidelity out there and you deserve that. As for the HPV, it is unfortunate but rampant. 50% of sexually active people have it and many do not even know they carry the virus. It is not often life threatening, but regular pap smears are important. I understand that only a few strains are actually linked with cervical cancer and I think a blood test may be able to determine if you have one of those strains. It is rare to contract a STD from a toilet seat, but I think HPV can remain dormant for many years before making an appearance in the way of warts. You may have contracted it from your boyfriend or from someone in the past if you were sexually active before him. If you were you will never really know how you got it. But don't sweat it, it's very common. Just remember that every other person you pass by in life has it too. Cry for as long as you have to and pick yourself back up again. I have been watching you gain your legs again and it is unfortunate that you are having a setback. Take care of yourself, dear, and don't go looking for trouble.
Author DyingHeart Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Hmmm, well, he was my only sexual partner for almost 9 years. Before him, I wasn't with anyone for a while, and when I was, we always used condoms. I know that HPV isn't all that bad of a disease and that many people have it. It's just the fact that he cheated and could've given me this or something a lot worse. I've always had trust issues. I was cheated on before. It's just hard to understand why a person does this. As for googling his name, it was something I felt I had to do. I felt something wasn't right. The gut feeling thing again. I'm actually glad I found out. At least I know now what kind of man he was/is. So this actually made up my mind about ever wanting him back. While I have love for him, it's not deep. If he asked me to be with him again, my answer would be no. It's not worth the pain and I don't want to be with someone who I can't trust. I know there is someone out there who will love me and respect me, but I'm not really interested in looking. Whatever happens, happens, but I'm not in any hurry. Unfortunately, he still has all my stuff at his house. Everytime I asked for it back, he made up some lame excuse not to give it to me. Now, I'm going to get it all back. Of course I'll have to see him, but I don't care. When I see his face, I won't be longing to have him back. Only disgust.
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