girlie908 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 hey i just needed to hear some advice from people what i should do. see i've been going out with this guy for a year and he really is amazing, it's just that sometimes he gets so frustrated with me. in august of last year, my mother passed away in a car accident. i've been taking it pretty badly, but he was the first and only person i called and talked to about it, and he drove to my house (he lives an 1 1/2 hr away). He has really been there for me but I have been depressed and sad, and feel like I have a lot to deal with. I've been seeing someone professionally, but prefer to only talk to my boyfriend about my sadness with my mother. But my sadness gets in the way, especially now that we are back at school (we go to the same college). And since I feel most comfortable around him, I always want to be around him because he knows what I went through and what I'm going through, I just don't feel as comfortable around any other people. As a result of me being sad, I have distanced myself from my other friends at school, and mostly hang out with my boyfriend. He's my best friend, but I feel like I'm stopping him from doing other things like hanging out with his boys or other activities, but I always want him around because he helps me cope with my sadness. What should I do? I just want both of us to be happy.
norajane Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I'm very sorry for your loss. That must be so hard for you! It's good that you are seeing a therapist, and it's also good that you realize you are leaning far too much on your boyfriend for support. Don't use your boyfriend as your lifeline and your therapist. It's not fair to him, and it's not really helping you. You need to get involved with your life again, and that means getting involved with your friends and allowing him a little break from all your sadness. If you don't give him some space to live his life, he will be surrounded only by your sadness, which will make him sad and depressed over time...and it will kill your romance. Perhaps your other friends will be able to help you get your mind of your sorrows, too. Good luck to you.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 i'm sorry to hear about ur mother. i know that must be so difficult to deal with. it sounds like ur bf is trying very hard to be supportive but it may be overwhelming for him to be relied on constantly for emotional support. i know this because sometimes i feel as though i'm doing the same thing to my boyfriend. my mom is having problems with depression and is having weird psychotic episodes. i rely heavily on my bf for emotional support because he is the only person i talk to on a regular basis. i have my friends but they are all busy with school/work so i dont get to talk to them a whole lot about it. i know exactly what u are feeling, and i feel like i dont have anyone else to be supportive, and since i love him and trust him i feel as though i can talk to him about it. he does say that i am bringing my hurt and emotional baggage into the relationship. thats probably how ur bf is feeling as well. yes he understands that u are hurting, but he doesnt want that to be what ur relationship is about. its good ur in therapy, that should be helping. talk to ur therapist about what ur feeling, thats what they are there for!!! if u feel u cant talk to them, then its best to find another one who u can talk to. my advice is to talk to ur bf about ur feelings, because he will listen. but try not to do that 24/7 because he is going to get very overwhelmed. no relationship can handle that kind of baggage all the time. maybe try to reconnect with ur friends and split the time u talk about ur issues. find other support systems besides ur bf, so then u dont seem as dependent on him for emotional support. tell him what ur feeling and that ur sorry for overwhelming him. if hes been there for u in the past, he will continue to be understanding and help u deal with it.
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