whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 It sounds like this girl used you. You fell for her, hard and now she's ditched you and left you not only with a broken heart, but herpes as well! Where is your anger and resentment? Yes it hurts, it sucks that she left you for someone else...You weren't there for her as much due to your family problems, and she couldn't handle you not paying ALL the attention to her. Man, I am telling you, you are better off!! It may not seem like it now, but you'll see. Keep posting here, tons of people can help you through this and give you tips to cope better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 I really and thankful for all of your input so far...the coping part is hard! Please give me some advice on that! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 the coping part is hard! I am gonna dig up NoFoolin's thread on coping, no contact after a break up. MANY people have learned from his awesome thread. It is very very and I mean very long, but worth all the reading. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ Really read it and practice what is being said. Keep posting your feelings, thoughts and pain...Venting helps. And, just know, you're not alone - And that eventually you WILL move past this, learn from it and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Hmmm, the depression really needs to get treated. Whether it's a chemical related depression or situational depression... something needs to get done about that. Herpes girl doesn't sound like an ideal gf. She sounds like a pretty crappy person. I know we can't always choose who we love- but we can choose whether or not we will be with them. H-girl really did a number on you. Not telling you she had herpes is pretty deceptive and sh##ty...cheating on you and then walking away is also indicative of a careless and messed up person. You really should be angry at her for what she has done. Really think about what she has done... and get mad about it. She's obviously not coming back- you have to deal with that. If she's changed her number and left her job, she's gone. So, look after yourself- pull yourself together... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 I am an idiot! I have spent hours driving trying to find her car somewhere. The past 3 days I have driving all over town just in hopes of running into her car somewhere. I feel so pathetic...but love can do that to a person. I talked to her guy friend about this and told him about the herpes thing...which he did not know that about her. He is an older guy that has known her for a long time. I thought I can talk to him about this...he told her about me standing outside her work the day after she quit with my big I LOVE YOU SIGN - I would assume he did because of the following... I get an email today..."This **** has to stop! You are acting psycho! You need some mental Help! You need to STOP bugging me and Nicholas! I mean it!!!! We didnt work out and maybe if you have acted halfway normal, I may still want to be your friend. At this point I want zero contact with you, no more emails, I changed my number because I am tired of this crap. Grow up, move on, and try not to make the same childish mistakes with the next girl. The **** you have told Nicholas is none of his business, you have more than crossed the line...you crossed it a loooooong time ago. I am so glad you dont know my phone number, where I work, where I live" this was from herpes girl. I am a nice guy...good hearted...I am NOT A PSYCO! How am I the psycho? After all she has done to me and I just want to express my concerns and feelings (love) for her and this is how she reacts? I know I am an idiot for loving her, but I cannot help it...I just want to help her and make her happy. It is so hard to let go....even after reading her email. When I should be pissed off and never wanting to see her face again. I just cannot allow myself to think that right now...I just want to be nice to her...that is all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 do you people think I have pushed her even further away now by the actions I have taken? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 do you people think I have pushed her even further away now by the actions I have taken? I don't think it's possible to push her any further away - she's about as far as she can get, though she's wishing she can get ever further away than that. Seriously, you need to get a grip. You are obsessing! You really drove around for 3 days looking for her car? That is not healthy behavior. You are NEVER going to get her back. NEVER. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start to get over her. If you knew where she was, you'd be stalking her. Stop this self-destructive behavior before you do something that lands you in jail. If you get anywhere near her, I predict she's going to call the cops and get a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
MagnoliaJane Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I'm sorry to be blunt, but... please read your own email again. Read it 50 times if you have to, but look closely at what you wrote there. One of the things that worry me is that you write "love can do that to a person". You are NOT recognising that what you did (chasing after her, standing at her work with an I Love You sign while she doesn't want to have anything to do wth you) is very clingy and scary... Are you trying to help her? No, I don't think so. I believe you are trying to "get her back" even if she doesn't want to. You are being selfish. That is not respectful. That sentence... "love can do that to a person". Love is NOT AN EXCUSE for stalking behavior. Please understand that! There is nothing you can do, except leave her alone and start taking responsibility for your own well-being, not by chasing after her, but by taking a first step to help yourself. What I see is someone who will use any excuse (herpes, depression) to continue with what he is doing. And let me tell you, this is not normal behavior. Do what others have suggested. Go see a therapist! You need it!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I don't need a therapist. Today has been the best I have felt in 2 months. I just read her email she sent calling my a psycho and used some coping advice on here. My family and friends have been telling me that I am a great guy and have a lot going for me. They said over and over I am better off without her in my life. She had a bad childhood - raised by a drunk dad and grandma, her mom was a roamer and lived off men. Her brother is a player as well. Maybe it is their upbringing I do not know. I seem to get attracted to troubled women and all I want to do is be the "nice" guy and help them. I need help myself after I get involved with women like this. I have nobody to blame but myself and I am trying to not do that. I just need to learn from this and move on even though it kills me inside. I know she is going to continue this lifestyle and is going to get really hurt someday...maybe she won't...who knows. It is just hard to fall in love with someone who jumps from guy to guy to find happiness. I just feel guilty for not being there emotionally for her do to me still getting over my LTR with the girl before her. I feel as though I let both of us down and I tried to explain this and she still did not get the point. I had a hard time communicating my feelings and life in general with her...she came to me crying for attention and I would just stare at her with no emotions. I should have grabbed her and held her tight - telling her everything was going to be ok and that I loved her. I just could not get myself to open up...until the day she left. It hit me...I was not communicating and taking care of her emotions like I know I could do. I was stressed out with life, Job, Bills, loss of the LTR I had, it was all too much to take and made me selfish. Selfish because all I was thinking about was my needs...and not taking hers into consideration. Please talk to me about this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I just feel like I want her to fully understand anything I did wrong to make her want someone else. I want her to see that I recognize what I need to do in order to take care of her needs and give her an amazing partner in life. She I guess just thinks I am blowing smoke out of my ass...but I am not. I had sent a couple of emails explaining myself to her after I got that hateful email. I have no idea if she would read them or just delete them. Hopefully she has read them...they were not mean in any way...just straight from the heart and encouraging. I apologized for trying to find her anyway I could and told her I was only doing it out of love and wanted to give her a love letter I had wrote along with a card. I was not trying to pry into her life or see who she is with - none of that is my business. I just had no way to reach her and that was my only point of finding her...just leave a card/letter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I was freaking out...I know I was...and I felt like a crazy person. This whole situation has been crazy. My 6.5 year ex was sending me emails...she has been trying to get me to call her and talk to her for the first time since we broke up and she left town. She tells me that she has not been able to be with another man since me and cannot even stand the thought of it. She said there is emptiness in her that can only be filled by me. I feel horrible knowing I put her through the same pain I am feeling myself. Her pain was a lot greater I am sure and that even hurts more. I do still have feelings for her, but I do not want her stopping her LIFE waiting for me. I just would not want to talk to her out of loneliness or anything like that. I feel I owe her more than that...and I am still grieving over this other person that could care less about me (I am stupid). I do think some of the grief if not half of it is from what I did and the mistake I made of falling for this other person. I am just trying to search my own soul for forgiveness. I would like to speak to her very much so...I just cannot get myself to call her out of guilt and feeling ashamed for what I did and what I got. I do not know if I could get together with her again, she deserves a WONDERFUL GUY and I betrayed her. I just want to call her and talk to her about life - not us or anything that has happened...just catch up on life. Should I call her? I know it would give me comfort right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 Anyone? Please? Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 You are attracted to troublesome girls because rescuing them gives you a purpose in life. But you can not change them, they have to want to change themselves. Any girl that is not up to the challenge is weak and not worth your time. This ex of yours, seems to me like she wants to change and that's good. If I was in your shoes I would try to initiate something with her. It's wonderful when you find someone who genuinely loves you back and not be in a one sided relationship. What you did with the herpes girl is normal for a man with a broken heart. Maybe what really bugs you is her new attitude towards you and how uncommon that is coming from her. Basically a betrayal. Let her go and you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 ANAP Can you not take any action before sorting out your thought? It seems to me the new girl is like an addiction to you. Like drugs seems you are addictive to her, and her withdraw from you made it more severe. Not love you think. If you really love her, you could let her go and wish she has a good life with or without you. so further action to her will be like take more drug or poison. the drug seems good in the beginning, but really it bring damage. The first step to heal yourself is completely NO CONTACT with her. You will be better off without her. the more you practice NO CONTACT, the more you gain your self-esteem and self-control back. The aim of you is to gain her back, or general welfare for both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 26, 2007 Author Share Posted February 26, 2007 Herpes girl had left me with debt and vanished. She told me in an email that she is changing her email address - that is the only contact I had with her. I was telling her about some mail she has...she said she does not know what to do about it and I am not getting her address, phone number or anything. She said if I try to find her she is going to have a restraining order put on me! I have not even done anything...all I was doing is sending emails trying to express my concerns and feelings and letting her know about her mail I am still getting. I just cannot figure out why someone would be with me for 7-8 months and tell me they love me then they cheat on me only to vanish once she moves out...never to be found again or heard from? This is painful...because I cannot understand it. She has not explained to me why she is doing it...and i have asked over and over. It seems as though she just was using me from the start...never cared...then she thinks she found something better and moved on...leaving me hanging. I cared about her as an individual and she just flat out dropped of the face of the earth for me never to find her again. Can someone please help me understand this? Did I get played? Is she the type of girl that jumps from relationship to relationship- running from issues she cannot face? I am totally lost here! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Here's how to solve the mail problem. Any mail you have or continue to get for her - Write on the envelope - Not at this address, return to sender. You are going to have to make your own closure. It's over and she wants nothing to do with you, hense the restraining order. Leave her alone! Go to therapy if you need more help coping with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 26, 2007 Author Share Posted February 26, 2007 I have not given any reason for her to even do that (restraining order). I have not been violent in any way shape or form. I could find out where she lives easily if I wanted to...but I don't. Has anyone known women like this before? Is she really that messed up in the head? I am just trying to understand her turning into such a monster towards me when she was the WRONG person. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 I have not given any reason for her to even do that (restraining order). I have not been violent in any way shape or form. I could find out where she lives easily if I wanted to...but I don't. Has anyone known women like this before? Is she really that messed up in the head? I am just trying to understand her turning into such a monster towards me when she was the WRONG person. I get an email today..."This **** has to stop! You are acting psycho! You need some mental Help! You need to STOP bugging me and Nicholas! I mean it!!!! We didnt work out and maybe if you have acted halfway normal, I may still want to be your friend. At this point I want zero contact with you, no more emails, I changed my number because I am tired of this crap. Grow up, move on, and try not to make the same childish mistakes with the next girl. The **** you have told Nicholas is none of his business, you have more than crossed the line...you crossed it a loooooong time ago. I am so glad you dont know my phone number, where I work, where I live" SHE is feeling threatened by you. She doesn't want you in her life! She has a choice, sorry if you don't like it, but you're gonna have to accept it and MOVE ON. She has made it perfectly clear in her email to you! So, as much as it hurts you, please, RESPECT her decision. I am a nice guy...good hearted...I am NOT A PSYCO! How am I the psycho? After all she has done to me and I just want to express my concerns and feelings (love) for her and this is how she reacts? I'm sure you are, but in her eyes, she doesn't see you like that. She feels corned and bothered by you. Whatever it was between you two is now over... She has her own issues in her life, and obviously is kind of messed up, those are HER issues, not yours - She has to deal with her life as she sees fit, even if you think she is wrong - It's really not your business to talk to her about it anymore. She isn't inlove with you, her words show this and so does her actions...I don't get why you can't see this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Her email was totally irrational...I was acting normal...that is what I do not get! I have never had a woman freak out like this and I just want to know why. That is the only thing killing me right now is how she could just "flip" and all of a sudden feel nothing and be so cold towards me! I did not do anything wrong...I will admit I was chasing her to just figure all this out. I did not threaten her or be cruel to her in any way that I deserved this. I just want to know if she just played me and used me...and if she has done this before to other men. In all my life I did not think I would encounter something like this. It is so hard to find closure because I do not understand her actions and her vanishing off the face of the earth. I want to know why she cannot even confront me like an adult and talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 The thing is ~ if she doesn't want to talk to you about this... she isn't going to. No matter how much you feel you have the right to answers to what happened... she's not inclined to speak to you or give you the answers you seek. You are going to have to accept this and move on. Rejection has obviously confused and frustrated you, but you are crossing the line by going against her wishes and contacting her. When someone asks to be left alone... you have to respect that. I dated someone for a couple months and I decided to end it because I just didn't feel a connection with him. He started calling me 5 times a day, sending me letters in the mail, showing up at my door, peering in my windows... calling my friends, etc. It really upset me. The best thing you can do is to leave her alone. You can't force your love on her- nor can you force her to love you back. It simply doesn't matter whether or not you did anything wrong while in the relationship with her. You have to back away from her and leave her be. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 You don't get what, you stood outside her work with a sign. I'm sorry, but she's gone. It's mean and you'll never understand why. You just have to realize it shows more weakness on her part than yours. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Her email was totally irrational...I was acting normal...that is what I do not get! You chased her, enough that she felt threatened and harrassed by you, hense her email and reaction to you. Even if you think you didn't do anything wrong, in her eyes you did - And she's asked you to leave her alone, so respect that! If you don't, you're gonna piss her off even more. You have to make your own closure somehow...Without her input unfortunately. I want to know why she cannot even confront me like an adult and talk about it. Because she doesn't want to. That's enough of a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ANAP Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 What would make a person do what she has done? Is it because she is falling in love with someone else or has developed feelings for another guy and they are "hitting" it off? It is just really confusing still....that someone I thought I knew would/could end up being so cold and just leave me to the buzzards like she has done. She told me she loved me all the time and was even willing to move out of state with me at one point. Where did all those feelings go? Link to post Share on other sites
MagnoliaJane Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Where did your feelings go when you cheated on your first gf and ended things with her for this second girl? Maybe if you can answer this question then you will also find out why someone else decides to call it quits. Link to post Share on other sites
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