ANAP Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I do not know where to start but this is the hardest thing I have had to endure my whole life. I was in a 6.5 year relationship and it was going ok except for the fact she had pissed my family off at all major family get togethers and I was suffering from depression in life. I had long talks with her about this...and nothing worked. Eventually I felt like like she was pushing me away...cause my family and them liking my significant other is important to me. Anyways...I met someone else and it was wonderful...then I ended my 6.5 year relationship to be with her. She was the exact opposite and everywhere we went people would say what a cute couple we made! We were so meant for each other it was sickening...but she had no where to live after the first month so I had her move in with me. I was suffering financially cause my last gf put me in the hole (taking off in a car I am still paying for) and I am trying to get my career in Real Estate going. So we talked about it and moved in together even though we were not ready... Things ended up being really stressful and we had to face reality together for the first time. This was a difficult process and me being in my depression mode once again could not share my feelings the way I wanted to. We eventually fell apart after 7 months! During the last month we lived together she started going out and not coming home until late. One day I checked her phone, cause I noticed a lot of texting going on...it was a guy and they were having suggestive conversations about cuddling on the couch, taking showers and crap like that. This hurt so bad...and I asked her if there was someone else and she always got defensive and said NO! She told me she had herpes (since she was 17) and decided to move out and the day she was leaving broke down and finally told me what had happened. She said she was going to this guy for comfort and someone to talk to and things led into sex. I told her she had been taken advantage of and lots of guys out there would take advantage of a good looking girl that needed attention. I forgave her and proclaimed my love for the first time ever and told her the herpes did not matter I WAS IN LOVE...she still ran away from me. I tried talking to her for 2 weeks and explaining my love and feelings for her...I thought it was working. My grandfather was put on life support and I had to leave town for a week. I saw her the night before I left and we had disagreements but I ended the night giving her a body massage and telling her how much she meant to me. We kissed and decided we were going to take things slow...if we did get back together. I left town the next day (Sunday)... In the other state I had been keeping in contact with her (messaging, calling)...even though I had 30+ family members to deal with and a dying grandfather. One day for the first time in 2 weeks...she actually called me (Tuesday)! My heart melted when I saw her on my phone as an incoming call. We talked and had a great conversation...she told me that guy had been an Ahole and just used her...which is exactly what I said. I still let her know I cared and loved her...and looked forward to seeing her the day I got home. We talked almost every night...thursday she told me she was going out with her new roommates...(Girls). I told her to be careful and call me when she got home...I never got a call. I was up all night worried, trying to call her from another state. NO ANSWER! The next day was a friday...she told me her phone had died and she passed out. I trusted her... Saturday comes along and I am talking about seeing her all day...letting her know when I was coming into town. I had a lay over and was talking to her from the airport...everything seemed good still. I eventually got into town...sent text, and called....no answer...no nothing. All night I cried...only to wake up to a text from her... "SOMETHING UNEXPECTED CAME UP AND I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT" She had met someone that thursday going out with the girls...and she had the nerve to tell me how great he was and how she was so happy. After getting my hoped up all week I had to hear that! I was crushed! Now she will not respond to my emails, texts, and when I call her phone I get a busy signal everytime. I love her so much even though I was put through hell...she was all I ever wanted and she had always told me she had loved me but never after I told her I loved her. This is the most difficult thing I ever had imagined and it has been ripping me apart! Can someone please help or give me advice? I just turned 31 and she is 26. By the way...my ex ( 6.5 year relationship) still tells me she loves me and she even had a dream that a snake crawled between us a week before I even met this new girl. She told me she has not been with anyone the whole time we have been apart and she still loves me and wants to make up with my family...which was the whole reason why I ended our relationship. Please help me!
norajane Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Let's see. You cheated on your 6.5 year girlfriend to be with this other girl. She moved in with you, then cheated on you and decided to move out. You were going to forgive her for cheating, but she left anyway. Then your grandfather died, and while you were out of town, she met someone else and completely ignored you when you tried to reach her. Now, she's with other guy and you're heartbroken. Your ex, whom you were with for 6.5 years, is telling you she loves you and hasn't been with anyone else the whole time you've been apart. She wants you back and wants to make up with your family. You say that's the family thing is the only reason you broke up...well, except that you left her for another girl. You really need to get your head on straight before dating anyone. Forget the cheating girl who is now with someone else. She doesn't want you. She will drop you - if she even comes back to you - whenever she meets another guy she's attracted to. You should probably work to get back together with your ex, but you are messed up right now and should wait until you get over the other girl. And why did you bring up the herpes thing? Is that relevant somehow? Oh, I get it...you love her so much you want her even if she has herpes. Ok, but she still doesn't want you, so it really doesn't matter that you want her.
Author ANAP Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I appreciate the advice...I need anything right now! I had a rough time communicating and I now know it is a must in any realationship for things to work. The woman I love...since the first time I saw her...made me see what I had to do and actually pulled me out of depression. Now...after all this I am going back into depression. I feel like I do not want to live and the pain I feel now is nothing compared to what my ex went through ( I know that now). I am getting a chance now to feel the pain and it is not very pleasant to say the least.
Author ANAP Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I cannot eat or sleep I am so broken about this whole thing. I know I should forget about it and move on...but it is very difficult when this is the most I have ever loved a person. My 6.5 year relationship had its problems...but we ignored them instead of talking about them. Then there was the family things... I am sorry if my post us hard to understand - I could of wrote a novel - just wanted to keep it short and to the point. Depression is horrible...I have no motivation at all.
norajane Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Are you seeing a therapist? They can give you medications which might help you through the worst of your depression, and a therapist can certainly help sort out your thoughts. I'm just surprised that you have so little sadness from the ending of your long term relationship, and yet so much pain for this 7 month thing with a girl who cheated on you.
Author ANAP Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I did not have a chance to get over the long relationship while I was in the new one. Now...they are both over and I find myself grieving over both at the same time! I dont think I deserve my ex back (long relationship) after what I did...she would have trust issues and I do not blame her. Maybe I deserve this punishment...but she told me she has forgave me and knows how horrible I feel at this point. She even had a dream a week before I met this other girl that a "snake" had crawled into our bed. Then she had a dream that the new girl cheated on me. That is weird! I find no enjoyment in anything at this point and I cannot get over her moving on with another guy and not having that 2nd chance i deserved.
Author ANAP Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I just hope that she tells the other guys about her herpes so they have the choice I never had. I was willing to accept getting it and being with her...maybe it was lust and not love, but I have never been this hurt in my life. Is it possible I am feeling emotions from both relationships...since I had no healing time in between?
Star Gazer Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I'm just surprised that you have so little sadness from the ending of your long term relationship, and yet so much pain for this 7 month thing with a girl who cheated on you... ...and must have given you HERPES! Did you know about this when you started dating her? My lord, if you didn't, that is the ultimate form of betrayal.
norajane Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I just hope that she tells the other guys about her herpes so they have the choice I never had. I was willing to accept getting it and being with her...maybe it was lust and not love, but I have never been this hurt in my life. Is it possible I am feeling emotions from both relationships...since I had no healing time in between? Did you two use condoms? Did you ever see any sores on her privates? You should go to a doctor and ask them to do an HSV-2 test (genital herpes). Because if she infected you, then you are now a carrier and will have to tell all your future partners about it. Don't wait to see if any sores pop up some time - go get tested. There are drugs which can minimize break-outs, though they are expensive. You need to read up on herpes if you have it, so you know what to do. Yes, of course this was lust. You don't fall in love with someone instantly - that's just chemistry and infatuation. You're hurt because you were dumped, because she cheated, because she lied to you, and because she then ran off with another guy when it seemed like you might get back together. And yes, of course you are now also grieving for the end of your other relationship - the one that was part of your life for over 6 years! That's a long, long time to be with someone, and you didn't grieve for the end of it AT ALL because you had another girl that you were interested in. So, yes, both of these relationships are now on your mind. Please, see a doctor about the herpes test, and you might as well get tested for other STD's too - if she didn't tell you about the herpes, who knows what else she didn't tell you? And please, find a therapist to help you with your depression. It was there before all of this, so it's something you need to sort out one way or another.
Author ANAP Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 I realised that I loved her from day one...8 months into it all. She always told me from the 2nd month or so that she loved me. I never said it because I wanted it to mean something and I wanted to know for sure that I felt Love before just saying it. We had unprotected...the whole time. I am willing to do anything to get her back...she told me I was smothering her...and she needed space and time to heal. I told her healing and time for herself is not sleeping with other guys and dating. Time for yourself is time for YOURSELF...nothing more. She does not answer my emails and even changed her number I think. I know where she works and I am thinking tomorrow I will go stand on the street where she will be driving past....holding a big sign saying...I LOVE YOU "name"!!!! Is this a good or bad idea? Let me know... I know she still has feelings for me...she has just had a troubled past and I think she runs away not wanting to get hurt...but ends up hurting the people that love her. It is sad... and I am heartbroken....
Star Gazer Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 This story is so frighteningingly similar to a friend of mine's, it's sick. And he's in NorCal too.
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 We had unprotected...the whole time. Go to a doctor IMMEDIATELY. She does not answer my emails and even changed her number I think. I know where she works and I am thinking tomorrow I will go stand on the street where she will be driving past....holding a big sign saying...I LOVE YOU "name"!!!! Is this a good or bad idea? Let me know... That is a horrible idea! She doesn't answer your email and changed her number - do you need her to run you over with her car before you understand she is not the woman for you? I know she still has feelings for me...she has just had a troubled past and I think she runs away not wanting to get hurt...but ends up hurting the people that love her. It is sad... And you don't do that? You hurt your 6.5 year girlfriend, you ran from her into the arms of a woman who exposed you to herpes without telling you, and you clearly have had your own troubled past. Do you not see that you need professional help? You shouldn't be heartbroken; you should be PISSED OFF.
Author ANAP Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 This story is so frighteningingly similar to a friend of mine's, it's sick. And he's in NorCal too. It is sick! I do not know why I am having such a hard time letting go and I do have communication issues. I was never mean to her at all...I did call her a slut after I heard about the first guy. After that she seemed to have changed and told me that hurt her and she "put up a wall". I poured my heart and soul out to her and told her I would do everything it takes to make it work. I would talk more about feelings, I would hold her everytime she needed and tell her how pretty she was more often. It was a difficult transition moving from one way of life with the ex, then trying to adjust to the new girl. She moved in with me the day after my ex left town. Things between me and my ex were not pretty all the time and we had actually broken up a couple times in that 6.5 years. I had communication problems then to. I had feelings...just did not show them or talk about them when I needed to. That makes any relationship difficult. I found out the hard way that I have to be more open, express myself more and love every second I have with someone I care about or love, my family included. I am feeling the pain that I had caused my first girl and feeling the pain of losing someone I though was my "soulmate". Those two pains hurt so bad right now. At work I am having problems concentrating...home at night I cannot get it out of my head. They both lived here...memories are here from both relationships. I tried to throw out everything that would make me think about them...especially the 2nd one that I guess...from what I am being told...she screwed me over BIG TIME!
D-Lish Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 oh man... don't do the sign thing- that's a bad idea. Take a step back, take a deep breath- and really think long and hard about what's really going on. Yes, you are most likely grieving for both relationships- and it's a lot to take in all at once. But you really have to see a Doc if you think you're depressed- that is very important. Perhaps you need to take some time to look after yourself before getting involved with anyone at the moment. No sign by the roadside... ok?
Salicious Crumb Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 By the way...my ex ( 6.5 year relationship) still tells me she loves me and she even had a dream that a snake crawled between us a week before I even met this new girl. She told me she has not been with anyone the whole time we have been apart and she still loves me and wants to make up with my family...which was the whole reason why I ended our relationship. Please help me! Oh dude...you are young and you have one major thing going for you...YOU AREN'T MARRIED TO HER....keep it that way...trust me on this one. Next time she tells you she loves you....just tell her its over...sucks to be her, and find someone else to play head games with and cheat on.
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Oh dude...you are young and you have one major thing going for you...YOU AREN'T MARRIED TO HER....keep it that way...trust me on this one. Next time she tells you she loves you....just tell her its over...sucks to be her, and find someone else to play head games with and cheat on. You're getting the ladies confused, SC. His girlfriend of 6.5 years never cheated on him. HE cheated on HER. Then he dumped her to be with the girl he cheated with, but that new girl then cheated on him, failed to tell him she had herpes even though they'd been having unprotected sex the whole time, and then she dumped him for another guy. And he is mourning the herpes girl far more than the poor gf of 6.5 years who is the one who is telling him she still loves him...
Author ANAP Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 I do not know who I am grieving over more... I never had time to heal over the 6.5 yr relationship....that led right into another shorter one. My pain and hurt carried with me and picked up more steam I think with this last gf (infected girl)... I do not know who I have more feelings for...my head is not clear. Time is what I need to figure out things. Only time seems to move really slow while one is in depression. I wish I could fast forward a month or two from now and get past all this pain and agony.
Green Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 dude go watch a bunch of comedy movies, work out hard at the gym, and have some laughs with your buds you need it now more the ever. As for the herpes get tested its not the end of the world if you do have it or not. and Norjane that recap u did after his original post was magnificant
Guest Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I just want you to know that if you did get herpes from her, its going to be ok. herpes sounds so big and scary but its a mere annoyance. the stigma attached is far more horrible than the actual virus. you can catch herpes from sex with a condom, and you can catch the oral form of herpes (HSV-1) in your genital area as well. How about that? 70% of adults have oral herpes (but may never have outbreaks) and can pass it to you down there. 20% of adults have HSV-2 which is the typical genital form which has much more frequent symptoms in the genital area than type 1, but is still completely manageable. I don't see much difference in catching herpes from kissing or sex, when both spread extremely easy, and TONS of folks live with this condition. So please don't put yourself through the mental agony of thinking your sex life is going to end. I have gorgeous friends with this disease who have had great relationships ... some of them are even married. I'm telling you this because you have depression, and this is the last thing that needs to bring you down. Psychotherapy (talk therapy) should be your prioirty to see if you need medication to help you right now. Its no big deal, I needed meds after my break up and I am pretty much completely over the ex and the depression.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 You're getting the ladies confused, SC. His girlfriend of 6.5 years never cheated on him. HE cheated on HER. Then he dumped her to be with the girl he cheated with, but that new girl then cheated on him, failed to tell him she had herpes even though they'd been having unprotected sex the whole time, and then she dumped him for another guy. And he is mourning the herpes girl far more than the poor gf of 6.5 years who is the one who is telling him she still loves him... Ah, I didn't catch that part of him leaving her to be with this other girl. But he didn't say he cheated...they were growing apart..things were not working out, so he found someone else and did the right thing...broke it off instead of cheating behind her back. Now after reading that first paragraph more carefully...it is sad that he would mourn the loss of the herpes girl. But nonetheless..my original advice still stands...get rid of her.
Author ANAP Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 She has changed her number...and despite what I was told....I stood in front of her work for 1.5 hours this morning holding my BIG sign in hand (Name - I LOVE YOU) and I even drawed hearts on it....waiting for her to drive by. I was late to work because of this...but I felt I had to at least do one more thing to show her my love. I called her work...they said she does not work there anymore. I have no idea where she lives...and I cannot contact her at all. This is the most hurtful thing in the world. I dont care about my job, my family or anything else...all I want is her in my life. I cannot move on like this...and I have no desire to find anyone else and I KNOW I am not ready for that either. Please give me some guidance...I need it very badly.
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Go to a therapist and have them help you. They have drugs that can treat your depression, and help you through the worst of this pain. This girl isn't coming back, so you'd bets get on with your life. Go to a medical doctor and get tested for STD's, and have them take a blood test for herpes, so you can start taking care of yourself.
Author ANAP Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 My boss just asked me if I wanted to keep my job. I told him at this point it does not matter to me anymore. He is also a family member...and I broke down about all this to him 2 days ago and apologized about my lack of performance. I sobbed so badly for the first time in front of him. It felt good to get it out...but here I am 2 days later and the pain seems like it is getting worse not better. I cannot afford to get counseling right now....that is why i am coming here and will continue to do so.
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Keeping your job SHOULD matter to you. What are you going to do if you get fired, AND are miserable? Who is going to pay your rent?
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