I screwed up really bad..now what do i do?!

[IslandGirl73]

ok, so today is valentine's day and a month since i've been trying to get OM out of my head and focus on my DH

 

but today of all days is naturally the hardest one to go thru considering love was in the air all day at our job, with all the flowers, cards, balloons, and such.

 

but i still hold on strong. OM and I wish each other happy V day on a friendly basis of course, nothing more, nothing less.

 

then later in the afternoon, on the way back from the bathroom, one of our coworkers near by, a guy, had some flowers, balloons, and i stopped and made a comment to him to say how sweet his lady did that for him!

 

coworker engages in a brief talk with me, says he doesn't even know who they're from and signed by "secret admirer" with all 3 items, ect...ect...asks me if i know who sent them, of course i say no, so we joke about it, yada yada, ect...ect...

 

then in the middle of our conversation, coworker blurts out "why are u talking to me when ______(mentions OM's name) is right over there." at this point i'm stunned confused all at the same time.

 

Pretending i have no idea of whats he's talking about, I was like "who r u talking about...." he points at OM....i say "yeah what about him" he asks again "why rn't u talking to him" I again act like i have no clue of what he's getting at and then he just finally blurts out OM's name to me and says "u like him":eek: :eek:

 

and to make it worse, he then calls OM over and asks him, " u know this girl right" OM looks at me and smiles this huge smile (melts my heart) and says "yes i do" and then asks me, "how r u doing"

 

i nearly died of embarrasment and i assured him it wasn't my idea to call him over. so i immediately continue on to my desk and i was livid! OM has always told me how private he is with his business at work and doesn't want people knowing anything, ect. ect. but then now this? how could this co worker have known anything when OM and I both stay a far distance from each other at work, never are seen together, how could anyone know unless OM told him?

 

so at this point i feel like i'm being made to be a laughingstock joke to this guy....so called him up on his extension and ask for an explanation. he assured me he never mentioned anything to him and that it was cuz people saw us one day talking briefly to each other, (even though i was on the other side of the cubicle wall talking, and there was hardly no one else around since they all had left by then)....but he insists ever since that day, people have been calling him "ladies man" and figuring we're a pair; and that they're just trying to be nosy.

 

i was like "whatever" as i could hardly believe people would automatically assume something's going on just cuz we're seen talking one time...

 

well needless to say, i couldn't get this out of my mind, so out of impulse, i acted on it. when leaving today, i left a note on his car asking him to meet me at a park @ 10 pm tonite:eek: ...i wanted to clear the air about what happened today...god, i can't believe i did that and now regretting it as i know its totally the wrong move!! but i didn't sign my name on it, i left it anonymous.

 

what r the chances he knows that its from me? I really don't want to go thru this meeting for mixed reasons.... but i also don't want to chance him showing up then no one's there to meet him...should i just not show up since i didn't sign my name and he doesn't know for sure who its from and maybe/maybe not he'll show up tonight anyway?

 

this time, i think i've really gotten in over my head:(

[IslandGirl73]

changing jobs is not an option....and taking my H is not either!!!

 

but if i don't show and he does, then what? yes, my heart is torn in two and i'm so confused over all this....

 

i had an innocent conversation with someone totally unrelated to OM and now this??!!!

 

i wanna scream... :eek:

 

i have to make a decision by at least 915, thats in 15 min...

[IslandGirl73]

thanks for your input 2long

 

well, i've decided...

 

i'm gonna go...if he doesn't show, then at least he doesn't know the note was from me...

 

i will give an update upon return!

[norajane]

Good Lord, don't go! What's wrong with you? You want to take things from worse to disaster?

 

Why would you set up a metting at 10pm on Valentine's Day? Where is your husband and why aren't you with him right now? You said:

 

ok, so today is valentine's day and a month since i've been trying to get OM out of my head and focus on my DH

 

What exactly have you been doing to focus on your Dear Husband this past month?

 

Today, of all days, you should have planned a sweet evening for the two of you to reconnect and enjoy each other. Dinner, a massage, some champagne. And instead, you're planning on traipsing all over the place to meet some guy in a park? What makes you think he doesn't have a DATE tonight? I hope for your sake, he's not there to meet you.

 

Look, people at work gossip. It's what they do, because work is usually dull and tedious. Look at the field day everyone is having over the loony astronaut lady and Anna Nicole Smith - people LOVE gossip. That's why it's bad to have office romances, and much, much worse to start something when you are MARRIED.

 

Get off this track now before you get run over by the train, and get fired for sexual harassment or something.

[michelangelo]

I mean, why stop the train wreck when one can experience the fullness of the disaster?

[whichwayisup]

i nearly died of embarrasment and i assured him it wasn't my idea to call him over. so i immediately continue on to my desk and i was livid! OM has always told me how private he is with his business at work and doesn't want people knowing anything, ect. ect. but then now this? how could this co worker have known anything when OM and I both stay a far distance from each other at work, never are seen together, how could anyone know unless OM told him?

 

People aren't stupid. They see the glances, the chats that were going on before. Who knows. Maybe someone overheard something. All I know is, people gossip, and at the workplace it can be bad. Some have nothing better to do than "watch" and "listen" so even if you think all was discreet and private, it may not have been.

 

It's 10:11pm, I hope you do an update. And, I hope you weren't foolish enough to go leave your house, your husband to meet the OM. By doing that, you've dug the hole deeper. Remember what I told you about men? They don't like drama and they definately don't overthink things like us females do. So, you're stressing out and freaking out, he's probably watching something on TV, or hanging out with friends...I can bet ya 100 bucks you aren't on his mind, like he is on yours. Sorry, you need to hear it J. Again, he's not into you the way you want him to be. Focus!!

[IslandGirl73]

for your information, i have been doing everything i can possibly do to stay focus on my DH. we've gone out together, chilled at home together, ect...but the holidays and such just isn't our thing and has never been. they always seem to come and go without any mention of them. we usually just show each other terms of endearment thru out the year as oppose to waiting for a specific date or dates...

 

that being said, yes i did go and no he did not show. i also text him so now the mystery of who the invite is from is over...he knows. but thats ok. i know i did this to myself...so i just came home and emailed him to let him know that i waited and since he didn't show, we can just leave it at that.

 

ok, so now its back to the drawing board for me. DH and i are in the process of buying our first home together thats being built and will be ready in July/august. hopefully this will mean a positive step for us in the right direction.

 

as for the OM, at this point, I really do think that he does care to a certain extent....the way he looks and smiles at me says speaks volumes and thats what keeps spurring me on. i know now i just need to get tougher with myself and stay completely out of his pathway while at work to avoid his looks and smiles so i won't keep retreating backwards whenever i make some progress...

 

norajane, sexual harrassment, how's that possible when we don't even approach each other at work? besides, he wouldn't do that to me, i know.

 

thanks guys, for all your input. i will keep plugging away until i can get thru this!!

[the_total_package]

I hope you're right, you're really going to move on from this guy at work. I don't know what triggered you to act this obsessively, from what I read you spent one night kissing and stuff on a couch, it didn't go further than that, you pursued him relentlessly and insisted that this was love to him, he told you he thought the night was a mistake and he didn't want to get involved with both a married woman and a coworker, yet you still continued to obsess and pursue him relentlessly.....he is wishing right now he never talked to you in the first place, believe me.

I have to admit this whole thread has been entertaining, I have never known someone to have so little grip on reality, it's actually quite scary, though. I seriously am comparing you to the astronaut lady who snapped when she realized her OM wasn't interested and had another girlfriend.

do you think this guy really has feelings for you, give me a break. He's 27 years old, he's looking for a beautiful single woman he can be available to, not an obsessive clingy married woman from work.

This is very much a Fatal Attraction situation, you are hanging on and pursuing him relentlessly, he wants nothing to do with you, it's obvious.

The fact that coworkers knew something was up should have made you have LESS contact with the dude at work, not incite more contact with him.

[IslandGirl73]

if i was obsessing, i would be stalking OM, bothering him at work every chance i got, with emails, calls, going to his desk, ect....plus even while away from work but i don't.

 

i hardly ever call him. last night was the first time in over 2 weeks since i dialed his number. and while at work, i stay clear from his pathway except we sometimes end up in the breakroom together as the printer is set up in there and even then, i don't speak, but he always seems to speak to me first.

 

so since i hardly ever contact him, then that would be a long way from obsessing....

[lovelorcet]

for your information, i have been doing everything i can possibly do to stay focus on my DH.

 

WRONG!!!!

 

Setting up secret meetings at a park at night is not exactly focusing on your husband not matter how you rationalize it.

 

You may think you are doing everything you can but you are not.

 

You should have brought your DH and laid everything on the table, anything less than that and you are not doing enough, period.

[dropdeadlegs]

BODY LANGUAGE. That's how your coworker knows you like the OM. Innocent conversation between people where at least one has an interest in the other is very easy for me to spot, even without benefit of the actual conversation.

 

I don't know anything else about your story, but I definitely can read body language, even if the conversation was over a cubicle wall.

[whichwayisup]

as for the OM, at this point, I really do think that he does care to a certain extent....the way he looks and smiles at me says speaks volumes and thats what keeps spurring me on.

 

But you're "reading" into the looks and smiles he's giving you. He's just being friendly that is all, and you think it means more. Which is why you can't stop thinking about him.....You're doing this to yourself J.

 

if i was obsessing, i would be stalking OM, bothering him at work every chance i got, with emails, calls, going to his desk, ect....plus even while away from work but i don't.

 

You're obsessivly thinking about him, more than you should be. It's not healthy and emotionally, it's affecting your marriage and feelings for your husband. A crush that has gone overboard....Hope you understand that.

 

Leaving a note on his car, hoping he'd show up and meet you at night, is crazy, seeing as you're a married woman. What would your husband say if he found out? What if it was your husband lusting and chasing after another woman, like you are with the OM, I bet you'd be jealous, hurt and upset....

[IslandGirl73]

its ironic to say this but i think the more lack of response i get from his side, the easier it gets for me to let him be...

 

as for DH, i came home last night and he didn't question me about it; he never seems suspicious or anything which is why i think we lack a real union in our marriage.

 

as for OM, i think i got proof he's involved with another co worker so that makes it even easier for me to drop this as i never have or never will go after someone else's man...once i find out they are taken, i cut the cord-for good.

 

thx again for all the words of wisdom...

[whichwayisup]

as for DH, i came home last night and he didn't question me about it; he never seems suspicious or anything which is why i think we lack a real union in our marriage.

 

Ofcourse not! Why would he doubt you or not trust you? See, this is why you lusting after the OM isn't helping....Do you feel bad that your husband has complete trust and faith in you - Yet you disappeared into the night to possibly hook-up with another man??? If your H knew what you were really doing behind his back J, he'd be completely devastated, and his faith, trust in you would be shaken bigtime.

 

Whether or not the OM is involved with someone else should make no difference in you not liking him anymore. He isn't into you, and I think realistically you know this, yet your let your mind/fantasy get carried away and convince yourself there's more...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

First of all, the email "that took a year to write" has probably been forwarded to all of this guys friends and they laughed about it over beers. Secondly, TTP is right, this is SOOOO fatal attraction! Guys DON'T LIKE THAT! Yes, it's probably fun to tell his buds, I made out with this girl once and now she's got it in her head that I'm her prince charming, actually left this note on my car to meet her! LOL! HaHaha, ect.... If this man cared that you were married then he would not have been making out with you. See, J, to some "players", a MW is considered the perfect fling. They don't /can't ask for too much, you my friend are the exception. YOU LEFT YOUR HUSBAND ON VALENTINES DAY TO WAIT IN A PARK FOR A MAN THAT NEVER SHOWED UP THEN GAVE HIM MORE OF YOUR TIME BY TEXTING THEN EMAILING! Get a grip! I'm very sorry for what you are going through but you seem to be begging for abuse.

 

You really need to talk to someone professionally who can help you. If this man returned your feelings I would tell you what you are doing is wrong but ATLEAST then you would be receiving something in return. You are not only making a fool of yourself, and infront of your coworkers, but you are hurting your husband in the process. If he wasn't suspicious about you leaving though, and didn't have a special night planned for you then probably he's about as into you as this OM.

 

Please consider talking to someone professionally.

[norajane]

as for OM, i think i got proof he's involved with another co worker so that makes it even easier for me to drop this as i never have or never will go after someone else's man...once i find out they are taken, i cut the cord-for good.

 

Are you even listening to yourself? You won't go after a guy who is taken? YOU ARE TAKEN. You shouldn't be going after anyone except your HUSBAND.

 

You seem to have no concept of the boundaries of marriage, yet you would honor someone else's relationship. Why is it so hard for you to honor your husband? Are you ready to lose his trust, to lose him, to end your marriage?

[whichwayisup]

NJ, good point. Problem is, I'm not too sure if J is really seeing it from this angle....You and I, and others can see this, but she can't...Or won't.

[lovelorcet]

What is it about woman who are in this position? It is like they have their heads in the sand. I find it fascinating and really creepy at the same time....

[IslandGirl73]

well, what else is there left to say?

[whichwayisup]

I have replied on your other thread.

 

Reality check must hurt, but now you see the man isn't interested in you. I really hope you CLOSE your heart and emotions off when it comes to this man. He may have flirted with you, enjoyed the attention, but once he saw that you were married, he backed off. He ignored you, and chased him.

 

The good thing is, now you know the truth. You can heal, and work through this, get your life back to where it should be. Your husband, your family and kids....Seek therapy to help you cope better.

[IslandGirl73]

I have replied on your other thread.

 

Reality check must hurt, but now you see the man isn't interested in you. I really hope you CLOSE your heart and emotions off when it comes to this man. He may have flirted with you, enjoyed the attention, but once he saw that you were married, he backed off. He ignored you, and chased him.

 

The good thing is, now you know the truth. You can heal, and work through this, get your life back to where it should be. Your husband, your family and kids....Seek therapy to help you cope better.

 

thanks so much,wwiu, your words of wisdom are comforting and much needed to be heard...more than i can say!

[dropdeadlegs]

"well, i've just had a tragic ending to all of this. OM took some of my personal emails to HR and the ultimate happened, I was immed. termed for sexual harrassment.

 

i gave them copies of all his emails to me initiating everything from the beginning as well, to show he's not the only innocent party in all of this...

 

not sure what good it would do...last i heard yesterday, a coworker told me he was sent home to give him a "break" from all the emotions the dpt was in an uproar over it...and then one of the IT guys was on his computer going thru it i guess to see if they can validate his emails and such...

 

as for me, yes, i know i did this all to myself. i just never thought he'd go thru with this and risk his job too since he knew for a fact i had copies of all his emails showing his dirty hands in this at the beginning as well. but i guess that didn't matter to him, i don't know. what i do know is that i am now in the market for another job and maybe its best this happened since as long as i was there, so close to him, i would've never been able to stop this....this is the first and LAST time i will ever allow myself be ruled to the point of destruction by my heart, and from now one, i will use my head!!!

 

i confessed everything last night to dh, even about me being the one pursuing and it was me that eventually got myself fired. i told him i wouldn't ask him to stay if he felt he had to leave since i don't deserve him and he said no, that he loves me, and we all have slip-ups in our lives and he understands i was not thinking and being led by my emotions instead and that we can get thru this....after all this, he still wants me."

 

 

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I'm confused. The above message was written in full in my email notification of additional postings to your thread, but I do not see the words above. Did the mods delete them, or did you?

 

I am so sorry that your job has been jeopardized, but if you look back on your posts, and I read them all, from a distant perspective it does appear that you were seeing things that simply did not exist in your "relationship" with this man.

 

I hope you are okay, but this seemed to be a fatal attraction.