Guest Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Well if anyone of you have read my previous threads my ex and I have been chatting every so often since she broke off her engagement. She started it. The weekend she called it off she started IM'ing me with "just wanted to say hi" and I'd get messages from her asking to "pray for snow for her" so she can get off of school. I dont mind her IM'ing me, I actually like it, probably for all the wrong reasons but I cant lie to myself and say I dont. Every couple of days we'll engage in a conversation. Lately Ive been the one starting it. Last week we didnt speak for a few days and I got a forward email from her. Sure, it was just a forward that she sent it to about 10 people. Her best friend, her brother, a mutual friend, but still I think its weird that I was put back on her email list. I just mentioned to her that I thought it was funny and we chatted a bit. I mentioned to her that I was bartending at a friends bar for a concert that weekend. A few days went by without speaking and that night I got a text from her saying "have fun tonight" I was drunk so texted back to her and total I got 6 texts from her that night. One i thought was weird was to tell me her friends husband said he loves me. (as a joke im sure) still thought that was strange. Yesterday morning I woke up and there was a message from her online that said "snowmen-snow angels-no school or work-so many reasons why i <3 snow" I was glad she left me a message but was still wondering why she chose me to leave it too. Then today I checked my email and she sent me, one of those E-cards, saying "happy valentines day or anti valentines day which ever u prefer" She must have sent them out to several people as she signed it "Love you all <3" Maybe, well probably its just me, but I just dont get it. Sure we've been nice to each other the last month, but Im still her ex bf. I cant figure out if she's realy pressing for a good friendship with me? or its not even crossing her mind as she sends these things that I am her ex. I have tried to put out of the vibe that I am over her. SO maybe she doenst realize it messes with me. Im just not sure why someone, while being friendly or not, with an ex would send valentines ecards, put me back on her forward mailing list, and text on a friday night to tell me to have fun. LIke I said, maybe Im thinking on a totally different wavelength she is, and it doesnt even cross her mind anymore that we're ex's, and I probably shouldnt even give it a second thought either I just dont get the mentality of some ex gf's. It doesnt help that the girl I dated after her does nothing but make my ex look better with her behavior. Also, when I initiate a conversation with my ex, I kind of feel stupid like shes wondering why her ex bf woudl be IM'ing her. WHy woudl I feel that way when she started us talking again when she kept IMing every few nights after ending her engagement? Should I feel bad about talking to her first, since it was known I never wanted to break up to begin with? And there will be times when we're both online at the same time and neither of us speak, so I figure if she really wanted to talk to me she would message me more, I dunno. Im just confused
CaliGuy Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 It's simple. She wants to stay friends to keep you hooked and make sure you don't start dating anyone else, because you are her PLAN B. This is how she gets her emotional needs met (being buddy-buddy/friends with you) while not meeting your emotional needs. If you start to lay this out in black and white, you will see why time and time again I preach that you can NOT BE FRIENDS with someone you are still emotionally attached to (aka: still in love with). Their friendship with you is purely selfish. (They want you on a string) Your friendship with them is purely selfish. (You want them back) All being friends in this situation does is keep them on the fence forever and it stops you from healing completely and moving on. Do you want to be happy? End the friendship. Do you want to meet the right woman one day? End the friendship. Do you want her to poop or get off the pot? End the friendship. There are no positives to being friends with an ex because there is nothing an ex can give you in the role of friend that you can not find with another friend. The only reason dumpees choose to remain friends with an ex is in the hope of some day winning them back. As I said, being her buddy won't guarantee her return. It will most likely guarantee she never does. Cheers.
Island Girl Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 It's simple. She wants to stay friends to keep you hooked and make sure you don't start dating anyone else, because you are her PLAN B. This is how she gets her emotional needs met (being buddy-buddy/friends with you) while not meeting your emotional needs. If you start to lay this out in black and white, you will see why time and time again I preach that you can NOT BE FRIENDS with someone you are still emotionally attached to (aka: still in love with). Their friendship with you is purely selfish. (They want you on a string) Your friendship with them is purely selfish. (You want them back) All being friends in this situation does is keep them on the fence forever and it stops you from healing completely and moving on. Do you want to be happy? End the friendship. Do you want to meet the right woman one day? End the friendship. Do you want her to poop or get off the pot? End the friendship. There are no positives to being friends with an ex because there is nothing an ex can give you in the role of friend that you can not find with another friend. The only reason dumpees choose to remain friends with an ex is in the hope of some day winning them back. As I said, being her buddy won't guarantee her return. It will most likely guarantee she never does. Cheers. GREAT ADVICE! I completely agree!! Good luck goes out to the OP.
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