Cossette4 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 And when someone says "it was hard for me; I didn't want to hurt your feelings" what they mean is "I'm too much of a coward to reject you straightaways because if I hurt your feelings, I'll be in a situation where you can respond to me and hurt my feelings. I'd rather avoid that until the last possible minute." The thing is, something better can always come along. Each of us can find someone prettier, funnier, smarter, more sweet, or some combination of those things, but COMMITTMENT means you consciously choose to be with the person in your life because you value them and what they add to your life. Amen to this. So many of our ex'es on here are perfectly fine dishing out the pain and then running away from it because they could never handle the hurt we might heap right back on them after an honest conversation. I agree with that definition of committment, and by that definition, many of our ex'es who jumped into a relationship didn't do so because they valued those people but because they wanted a quick fix to make them feel good about themselves, or a shield to successfully avoid dealing with their ex'es. I get so angry when I think how the "rules of relationships" can be twisted so easily. It's common knowledge that as the ex girlfriend, you aren't supposed to have total access to and command the attention of your ex boyfriend, especially when he's already involved in a new relationship. But my ex made sure he was in a new relationship precisely to cut off my access to him and make it so I had no "rights" to call or say what I needed to say. Whenever I tried, he told me, "Uhh...I'm in another relationship now. She's more important to me. She's my priority now, sorry." And what sucks is that's technically TRUE because she's the girlfriend and I'm the ex-girlfriend, but it's sneaky and manipulative because he NEVER gave me a chance to say anything and he made the switch from me to her in a week's time while I was out of town! It sucked that I had to feel "wrong" about calling up this guy and demanding answers from him because he was "someone else's boyfriend now," yet just 7 days before that, he was my boyfriend of over 5 years. Ok, I totally got off topic and just started to rant...but d:bunny: mn, it felt good.
Cossette4 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 "He left an attractive, smart girl with morals for an ugly bisexual highschool dropout skank and moved her in after two weeks". Haha! You're killing me! By the way, you should keep that in mind whenever you feel bad or wonder why he's with her. It doesn't matter, LOOK at WHAT he's with!!! Exactly! I've got to CONSTANTLY remind myself of that!! Whenever I miss something about him, I have to remind myself IT'S NOT THE SAME PERSON anymore. Someone on here once told me, "Clearly something changed in him because he dated YOU for 5 years and suddenly he wants your total opposite." He must have been secretly morphing into a loser creep and I never saw it coming.... And whenever I feel jealous that he's got someone to come home to, I just have to remind myself that someday I will have someone too, and provided that they have a pulse, they HAVE to be better than what he's got!
Author Davis Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 Amen to this. So many of our ex'es on here are perfectly fine dishing out the pain and then running away from it because they could never handle the hurt we might heap right back on them after an honest conversation. I agree with that definition of committment, and by that definition, many of our ex'es who jumped into a relationship didn't do so because they valued those people but because they wanted a quick fix to make them feel good about themselves, or a shield to successfully avoid dealing with their ex'es. Ok, I totally got off topic and just started to rant...but d:bunny: mn, it felt good. Well said Cossette! My ex could have never handled an honest face-to-face conversation about breaking up just for that reason. She emailed me a Dear John after I quit calling her and said all kinds of rude sh**t that she would have never had the balls to say to my face. Exactly! Clearly my ex has low self-esteem and she wanted a quick fix to feel better and not have to deal with any reality. Opps! That almost sounds like she had a couple of shots of Vodka! Sorry, it's hard to keep her compulsive behaviors straight sometimes! Good Rant Cossette! Funny how we lose our "rights" so quickly!! The way he treated you was BS and it did suck! Shows you he's a coward, doesn't it?
oppath Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I am a pyscho ex! I have no doubt she feels that way, though I never contacted her except to: tell her not to contact me because I'm not ready to be her friend, which led to her responding asking if I would be friends with benefits. I told her off. Then, two weeks later I learned that her ex proposed to her over Christmas, which is when she acted distant (and said everything was fine despite me calling her out) and shortly thereafter, breaking up with me. So I went pyscho with an FU email and a threat to tell her ex about me, which I immediately regretted because we have some mutual friends and I didn't mean it, I just panicked. But you know what, I did apologize with sincerity. And what is worse, momentarily flipping out in a moment of pain? Or not telling your boyfriend that your ex came back into town and proposed to you (I guess she said no but since I didn't understand the reasons for the break up, I flipped out) for two weeks until she breaks it off. So now I am the pyscho ex, though how rational can you think and act in that situation (deception, friends with benefits request). I regret how I reacted and apologized, and won't act that way again, but I doubt I'll be in this situation again. So I can relate to being the pyscho. I actually deserve that label, I did act pyscho, but in the grand scheme of things, and to any objective person, I had a moment where I was weak, whereas she was just weak period. I actually read a great blog about this: http://theovereducatednympho.com/2006/02/07/mr-*******-meet-ms-psycho/
Author Davis Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 IT'S NOT THE SAME PERSON anymore. And whenever I feel jealous that he's got someone to come home to, I just have to remind myself that someday I will have someone too, and provided that they have a pulse, they HAVE to be better than what he's got! Dear it's not that he's "NOT THE SAME PERSON" anymore, it's that HE IS THAT PERSON. Maybe you just finally saw his true colors. That last part is funny! You're on a roll tonite with the one liners!
guin_girl Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 And whenever I feel jealous that he's got someone to come home to, I just have to remind myself that someday I will have someone too, and provided that they have a pulse, they HAVE to be better than what he's got! LOL... too funny... I have been reading all your all's posts, and man o man am I on board with every word... been through all of it... But we all have to remember, we don't know if they are happier or not... and some of our exes would never admit they aren't in a million years...
AriaIncognito Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Davis, don't go out and get yourself a BMV 745...all that does is prove that you've got 75k to throw around, and really, who wants to be attracted to someone for that. Personally, I'd rather find a guy that drives a modest car, than someone that wastes 75k on something that depriciates the second it leaves the lot ;-)
inde4544 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Davis, Hey man I really know what you are going through, I was also cheated on and my ex is with another guy as we speak. I thought I would share this story with you as it always helps me when I get upset. One of my good buddies went thru the same exact situation where his girl cheated on him then ended up with the guy. My buddy did the whole trying to get her back thing but eventually gave up and decided he would never speak to her again. His ex eventually ended up being engaged to the guy she cheated on my buddy with. 2 months before the wedding the guy ended up ditching her leaving her crawling back to my buddy who at that point didnt want anything to do with her. I think cheating shows a lot about someones character and remember what goes around comes around. Good luck pal. Hit the weights too if you are angry it always helps and doesnt hurt attracting new girls when you are shredded.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I know it's only been five weeks and I have been doing pretty well and I've had NC. Well, accept for the anger. I still find myself saying "I hate that fckn %@&*#" about 20 times a day. She cheated on me and is now with that guy. When ever I see her driving around or hear about her it's like getting kicked in the stomach and then I start getting mad. Look on the bright side, and I am not joking here either....at least you didn't marry the huss. Let her be someone elses problem.
Author Davis Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 But we all have to remember, we don't know if they are happier or not... and some of our exes would never admit they aren't in a million years... You're right Guin. Just this morning, again, I was thinking how they're so happily "in love", everything's great for them and here I am alone again. Arggg! I shouldn't assume they are happy and everythings great. You and I have talked about that before. Guess I'm feeling sorry for myself? It would probably be much easier if I had a new girl, but as you know, that's not always so easy. Can't wait to hear when they fall out and what happens. Aria. You're right. That's why I've never bought an expensive sports car. It is kinda superficial and you're right, why would I want a woman drawn to that? I do have a nice, raised Chevy truck with nice tires and so on, so I guess that works. Inde: Thanks for the story. See how that works?! I don't think a Leopard changes it's spots either. We'll see how it shakes out for them over the next few months. I've been hitting the weights as usual. Been doing that for years. I start dieting for summer next month. Thanks bro. Salicious: you're right. I know how miserable you have been in your situation. Well at least I found out how she is early on. That's just what someone said on one of my threads "BE GLAD SHE'S HIS PROBLEM NOW!!" I also liked the line someone else said to me: "Someday he'll be the on sitting there saying to himself 20 times a day shes a "fckn #P(%*#" !! Hey I've been forgetting to ask. What ever happened to that old saying: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you ??
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