boyfriend eats charred food and won't stop - should I dump him?

[bigcat]

My boyfriend is in relatively good shape, but his behavior can really get out of hand.. About a month ago we had dinner at a Korean BBQ restaurant with a bunch of his coworkers. As he was not skilled at cooking meat on the grill, ended up charring up a bunch of meat (really badly too) and eating all of it, much to my dissapproval. I kept telling him not to eat that stuff, but he keeps coming back with "I grew up eating this stuff. I have good genes. Good genes run in my family. I'm not gonna get cancer." I should add that he smokes a lot as well.. but that's another story.

 

So it happened again just last night.. he accidently charred up a bunch of meat, which I insisted he cut off all the blackened stuff before he ate it.. but he didn't listen, again insisting that his family has "good genes" and that his body can handle it. At the end of the night, I got so pissed off about it.. but he didn't show an ounce of care for my concerns about his health!! He kept charring his food, eating it, and saying "Some people are just born with good genes. I'm one of them."

 

Right now I am extremely worried about where our relationship is going because he just won't listen to me on this matter and he is acting self-destructive. We're currently living together, which makes it hard because I'm not sure if he can make it on his own financially if I left him. I do love him and he wants to marry me, but I don't want to marry someone who may end up dying young. Should I leave him?

[Reckless]

I don't know if you should break up with him - depends on how much you love him and what you're willing to put up with...

 

A major lesson in life is that we cannot control what people do only by how we react to their actons. Eating things that are bad for you, smoking and generally not looking after yourself is, of course something that will concern those that love us (and rightly so) but in the end we live OUR lives and make our own decisions about what we deem acceptable or not, all you can do is decide if you can put up with this since he probably will not change...

 

If your guy has grown up eating 'charred' food he'll probably go on liking it. (To be honest their are worst habits and I was expecting you to say he did this everyday, but you're right its not good...) Once you have calmly and respectfuly (read: no screaming) voiced your concerns what else can you do? hide the barby? Whether this issue its a 'deal breaker' or not is, as I said, up to you..

 

Will he 'die young' à la Elvis or be pinching your bottom and chasing your around the kitchen at 99? Who can tell? He could get knocked over by a bus tomorrow (god forbid) so could you... If you love him you won't look for such guarantees..

 

You are not his mother or his banker you are his partner and his lover, you are neither responsible for his finances or his health - if he respects and loves you he'll probably make an effort to look after himself better when you voice your concerns in a non-confrontational way, if he doesn't even hear you, you can draw your own conclusions about the problems you both have communicating and coming to a compromise about minor (and major) issues and this will be a good indicator as to whether you are suited long-term.

[Blue Phoenix]

Give me a break your going to break up with some one because there eating charred food??? This has to be antother made up story look you cant change people if all hes doing is eating his food the way he likes to then hes not going to stop because you are complaning about it that might even make him do it more. How else is he acting self-destructive othe then maybe not haveing the best eating habbits?? Dose he hurt himself do drugs drink to much?? There are a million other ways he could be SERIOUSLY hurting him self ide back off of trying to force him to eat the way you think he should hes not going to respond much to it and your just going to keep frustrating your self. If you have other issues in the relashionship then go to some counseling and see if you to can work on it but just the fact that hes eating charred food dosent qualify for it I dont think LoL..I think your over analizeing this seriously is he 400 pounds or something?? Dose he do drugs dose he smoke 2 packs a day drink excessivly?? Maybe your just afraid of death in genral look people dye when its there time to go. A person can live a compleatly healthey life eat all the right foods get plenty of excersie and die crossing the street!! So NO I def wouldent leave him just because of his eating habbits unless there were some other hefty issues in the relashionship other then that!!

[Citizen Erased]

Oh dear. I truly hope you are for real cos it is so funny if you are.

[mental_traveller]

Yes, you should definitely dump him. Free the man from the torment of having a control-freak girfriend who is so obssessive that she freaks about him eating some overcooked meat.

[Woggle]

There are much worse habits he can have like smoking, drugs or excessive drinking. Eating burnt meat is not a big deal.

[Motor35]

Are you serious?

 

I like burnt bagels.

[a4a]

Are you serious?

 

I like burnt bagels.

 

burnt cheese is really good!

[lovelorcet]

Maybe he was doing it just because you were telling him not to...

[westernxer]

About a month ago we had dinner at a Korean BBQ restaurant with a bunch of his coworkers. As he was not skilled at cooking meat on the grill, ended up charring up a bunch of meat...

 

I didn't know one paid to grill their own meat.

 

...he is acting self-destructive.

 

At least he didn't set himself on fire.

[dropdeadlegs]

Charred meat.....charred meat....I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the problem here. Is he charring YOUR portion, too? Is that the problem? He wants YOU to consume charred meat?

 

I find beef cooked to any other degree except "medium" to be tasteless, but accept the right of others to choose well done or rare as their personal tastes.

 

Is burnt meat REALLY that unhealthy? So important as to consider dumping a BF? And what do good genes have to do with personal tastes? I hardly think of this as a serious health issue, but maybe I'm living in denial.

[Krytellan]

Charred meat.....charred meat....

 

Agreed. I read the post twice and I still have no idea. Is this about charred meat or the fact that you nag him about silly things? Meat is too damned expensive to waste... I'd eat it too.

[sb129]

I love burnt sausages! And burnt toast...but I like my steak rare.

 

I am finding this thread a little crazy..

 

If you are worried about the carcinogenic (hence "self destructive") potential of eating burnt meat..

 

I think one has to consume nearly a tonne of burnt food for it to be significant. (open to corrections if I am wrong, but I know it is a crazy amount)

 

Put it this way- at least hes cooking it so well that he is unlikely to get food poisoning.

 

You need to CHILL OUT woman.

[riobikini]

re:

 

"boyfriend eats charred food and won't stop - should I dump him? "

 

It would be interesting to know whether it's really just an *accident* -or whether it's *purposeful*.

 

If it's accidental -you do the cooking from now on and sign him up for cooking lessons until he can help out.

 

If it's purposeful, there's a term for a behavioral condition involving obsessive-compulsive disorder having to do with this desire to eat charred food (often meat) that you should pursue information about.

 

Urge him to see a psychiatrist about it.

 

-Rio

[sb129]

 

If it's purposeful, there's a term for a behavioral condition involving obsessive-compulsive disorder having to do with this desire to eat charred food (often meat) that you should pursue information about.

 

Urge him to see a psychiatrist about it.

 

-Rio

 

thats one way to get him to dump her!!!

[HennyPenny]

Seriously, you're agonizing over whether to end a relationship because you don't like the way he cooks his meat? That is HILARIOUS. Are you crying yourself to sleep every night? Please tell me you are.

 

Has anyone suggested therapy yet? For you. You are in for a hell of a rocky roller-coaster life if you get that bunged-up over overcooked food.

[riobikini]

If she's having such doubts, already, SB -it appears that the "dumping" of *someone* is impending under any circumstances.

 

-Rio

[sb129]

If she's having such doubts, already, SB -it appears that the "dumping" of *someone* is impending under any circumstances.

 

-Rio

 

I know! I liked your spin...

[Blue Phoenix]

Lmao this thread just gets better and better I needed a good laugh thanks every one.. Come to think of it I cant eat bacon unless its realy burnt for some reason oh well least I never got dumped for it yet.. LoL

[Jeffrey]

So, what's the unhealthy part of eating food cook so thoroughly that all the bad stuff was CHARRED out of it? I always thought it was the RAW food that did the body bad.

 

Hey, Jerry Seinfeld can break up with a woman because she ate her peas one at a time.

 

Never thought about kicking someone to the curb who over-cooked THEIR OWN FOOD. Maybe I should give my wife the boot because she puts 3 teaspoons of soy sauce on her rice instead of the normal 2.666666667 teapoons.

 

How about this, have him cook fishsticks at 500 degrees, that will char them on the outside but keep them frozen on the inside.

[lovelorcet]

Actually charred food is filled with carcinogens...

 

But compared to smoking... well I really won't worry too much about that...

[Star Gazer]

Yes, you should definitely dump him. Free the man from the torment of having a control-freak girfriend who is so obssessive that she freaks about him eating some overcooked meat.

 

Agreed. Set the guy free!

[VinaAmez]

You sure wouldn't like living with me. I can't cook worth crap. If I can burn or making something wrong, I will find the way.

 

What else to do like to control?

[whichwayisup]

I'd be more concerned with the fact he smokes, rather than the fact he eats charred food.

 

You have two choices. Accept it, deal with it and let him DO what he wants to do, or break up with him if it upsets you so much.

[Walk]

She's worried he'll die young?!? Hahahahahahahahha Unless he dies in the next two months, then I don't think she'll really have to worry about that.

 

This has got to be the funniest thing I've heard in a long while though.

 

I'd rather die young then be subjected to corporal punishment for burning my own food.