Noos Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I've been trying to work out why men don't like me and I'm confused. I tried to be entertaining but apparently men don't like funny women - they want women to laugh at their jokes. I lost weight and am now a size 6 and have grown into a swan but it hasn't changed my single status. I've developed my hobbies - went to cooking classes, joined the gym, did further university study, joined the art gallery and didn't meet anyone. I go out to hot spots for dinner with friends - nothing. I now have a good job, the looks and have worked through my self-esteem issues and still, nada. I'm told that confidence is attractive - it tends to scare men away from me. I thought they would like that I am not needy or clingy - instead I'm told I'm too independent and guys think I don't need a man in my life. I would never sleep with a guy on the first date - which apparently, guys do but then never want to see the girl again or don't consider her relationship material. Yet, one of my friends always gets into long-term romantic relationships where she slept with the guy ont he first date or the first meeting and they worship her! So I'm frustrated - all the relationship advice I've read and received is conflicting. I'm being myself but it seems myself isn't enough to even get a date. Where am I going wrong?
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I tried to be entertaining but apparently men don't like funny women - they want women to laugh at their jokes. :lmao:
LN99 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Maybe you are trying too hard instead of letting it just happen?
Totoro Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I'd suggest Internet dating. I and about half the people I know have gone that route with a lot of success. I know several people who have married someone they met over the Internet. It's definitely not something that is stigmatized here in NYC. I imagine it is popular in Australia as well. Also, don't think so much about what men want from you. Think about what YOU want. Figure out the qualities you want in a guy, and when you meet a guy who seems to be what you're looking for, go talk to him. Hope this helps.
garnet Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I understand where you're coming from. I'm in my mid-thirties, considered attractive, smart, own my own company, etc. When I was in my 20s I was never without a boyfriend, but also never happy. Now I am happy, living my life the way I want to, but can't seem to find the right guy for some reason. The way I see it, it just hasn't been the right time for me yet. I know how frustrating it is when it feels like everyone around you has settled down except for you. It's hard not to feel like something is "wrong" with you. I go through those times. It really does just take longer for some people. I also have some friends who are in extremely unsatisfying marriages and relationships. I'd rather be alone than in that situation. Try to enjoy your life and not worry so much about it! And don't be so hard on yourself. There are no rules to whether guys "like someone who laughs at their jokes" or anything like that. You have to be yourself and be comfortable with that. The key is, when the right guy comes along, it won't matter. HE WILL LIKE YOU FOR BEING EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE!
lovelorcet Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Noos, you really sound like a great woman but there is always this negative tone in your posts. Do you also behave like this in real life?
KT_E_M Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I believe the saying goes that "you will find what you are looking for most when you are least expecting it". And I think there's some truth in that. If you are constantly on the look-out for the love or your life you are never going to find him. Either that or you will be so fed up after such a long time of 'waiting' that you will see and accept any old guy as the one for you. I think you'll find someone right in front of you as soon as you close your eyes, if you know what I mean. Good luck, you sound like a lovely person, certainly deserving of a loving relationship in your life.
Author Noos Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Lovelorcet I'm not like this in daily life. I just come here when I get frustrated over the what's wrong with me vibe. What you have to understand is that Australia has a very macho, conservative culture and if you are not married at my age or you don't have a boyfriend, people wonder what's wrong with you or assume that there is something wrong with a single woman in her thirties and don't consider you. There also seems to be a big thing about status here - i.e. men in may age group and peer group marry the Barbie with a law degree and rich father who will quit her job and devote her time to his house, his children and spending his money. I'm just not like that. I need space, I need my own identity and I'm not satisfied by empty consumerism. But in my culture, it's like I'm supposed to aspire to these things and not think about intellectual needs or emotional needs. I want to know where all the guys who don't have status anxiety and who can hold a conversation have gone. I also want to find a guy whose ego won't be dented by a woman having an equal say in the relationship. By the way, that advice about funny women came out of a study this year by a British university reported widely in the paper. It's like - Jeez - do men want a person or a Stepford Wife?
LN99 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Then wait to find what YOU are looking for in a man! That's what I'm doing. I really used to date anyone who was interested(in my early 20s.). But in the long run, I was settling, and ended up unhappy in the long run. I know of other people too who just go along with things and are SUPER unhappy. Do you think that is worth it? I certainly don't. I would rather be single for the next 20 yrs then deal with a bunch of BS and be unhappy in a relationship right now. (Just to have someone.) Focus on other things in your life. Right now, I am working on my career. Then my goal after that, is to relocate some place warmer (with NO snow!) Then I figure whatever happens along the way is whats meant to be. But, in the meantime, I am focusing on me. NOT a guy, not a relationship..... I figure that will all come in time. And if not, then at least I didn't waste my time looking for it. True, I might sound picky, but I refuse to settle.
Author Noos Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 LN99 Aren't you worried about missing the boat on having kids?
gfto Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Could it be your body language? In other words, are you "approachable" when you're out and about? Many women go around with that "f*** you" stamped on their foreheads (as Will Smith told that girl in "Hitch"). If that's you, then most men won't bother trying to start a conversation. Be sure to make eye contact with guys and smile.
LN99 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 LN99 Aren't you worried about missing the boat on having kids? I am somewhat. But honestly right now I am not prepared for that.(but if it would happen, I would gladly welcome it.) I don't think I will be truly ready until I get things in order in my life. Then if the guy comes and it all works out then obviously it's meant to be. If not, then maybe I was not meant to be a mom. There are worse things that could happen. I know it would probably bother me. But who's to say that if I did find my perfect man that I would have no trouble having kids? There is always the possiblity of that not being able to happen for me. My sister is challenged reproductively and has been married 5 yrs now. My Aunt is in a happy marriage and could not have kids either. So, as the saying goes..."**** happens!" For now I just try to think "what will be, will be." Just don't settle.
magichands Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 What you have to understand is that Australia has a very macho, conservative culture and if you are not married at my age or you don't have a boyfriend, people wonder what's wrong with you or assume that there is something wrong with a single woman in her thirties and don't consider you. I agree. Australia sucks like this.
lovelorcet Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Lovelorcet I'm not like this in daily life. I just come here when I get frustrated over the what's wrong with me vibe. What you have to understand is that Australia has a very macho, conservative culture and if you are not married at my age or you don't have a boyfriend, people wonder what's wrong with you or assume that there is something wrong with a single woman in her thirties and don't consider you. There also seems to be a big thing about status here - i.e. men in may age group and peer group marry the Barbie with a law degree and rich father who will quit her job and devote her time to his house, his children and spending his money. I'm just not like that. I need space, I need my own identity and I'm not satisfied by empty consumerism. But in my culture, it's like I'm supposed to aspire to these things and not think about intellectual needs or emotional needs. I want to know where all the guys who don't have status anxiety and who can hold a conversation have gone. I also want to find a guy whose ego won't be dented by a woman having an equal say in the relationship. By the way, that advice about funny women came out of a study this year by a British university reported widely in the paper. It's like - Jeez - do men want a person or a Stepford Wife? I guess I don't know what to tell you... I have read a lot of your posts over the months and I really do think you sound like a very interesting woman. The last thing I would want is a Stepford Wife...
magichands Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I guess I don't know what to tell you... I have read a lot of your posts over the months and I really do think you sound like a very interesting woman. She's far from dull, and I totally agree with your sentiment.
Pretty Fly Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Could it be your body language? In other words, are you "approachable" when you're out and about? Many women go around with that "f*** you" stamped on their foreheads (as Will Smith told that girl in "Hitch"). If that's you, then most men won't bother trying to start a conversation. Be sure to make eye contact with guys and smile. Yes! I know the look you mean! I keep reading on here that girls want guys to approach them, but when I'm out, so many girls have that look on their face!
brokenhart2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I'm a 30 yr old female and I live in St. Louis. Getting one measly date is almost as hard as finding osama bin laden. I have a full life, work full time, nursing student, I go to the gym 4 X a week..several circles of friends. My girl friends' husbands say how attractive I am, and losers that I would never take home to mom and dad tell me how attractive and great I am. I've learned it doesn't matter weather you sleep with the guy on the 1st date or not, they don't call after that either way. I tried the role-reversal thing and asked a guy out and he acted excited but then he basically stood me up. I AM worried about missing out on children, otherwise I would care less if it took 40 yrs. to meet Mr. Right. Everyone says oh, there's technology for that, but I don't have $10,000 to fork over all at once. My biggest fear is finding out I'm no longer able to conceive the traditional way. No longer able to become a mother by carrying my own child in my own womb. I have that independent thing going too...and it seems to scare the guys off just as much as being too clingy does. It's rediculous. I've tried all the internet sites myself (on and off for the last several years) and all I get is crap. Needless to say you are not alone...it's nice to know I am not alone either.
Author Noos Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 I hear ya Brokenheart. The other thing about babies is that when people say, "oh, they have the technology to help you with that" or "you can have one by yourself" - I, too, don't want to do it that way. I want to have a baby with the husband I love and watch which traits it gets from each of us. I don't want to have a sperm donor's kid. And guys say they hate clingy chicks but then their girlfriends ring them 5 times a day at work, always check up on them, won't let them go out with their friends for beers, constantly ask "what are you thinking" and are basically smothering them to death and I just think - I wouldn't do that but hey...you still chose her over me! What they say they want is not actually what they choose.
lone she-wolf Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Just wanna chime in. I'm on the "same boat" too. In my early 30's TOO! Hummmmm, all of us who relate have hit 30???? I find THAT interesting. I have a question. Do you ladies tend to be attracted mostly to men within your age group? Because I'm starting to notice something that I may get "slammed" for saying, BUT many of my 30-something male friends are mostly looking at and chasing 20-something "girls". Now, I am open to try dating 40-something men, but I am WAY more attracted to guys in MY OWN DECADE. Just something I've noticed.
Author Noos Posted February 16, 2007 Author Posted February 16, 2007 I do notice that. Once your over thirty it's like "strike 3 - you're outta the game!" Why is that??? Is there a secret blacklist going around with our ages on it saying - "these girls did not find a chair after the music stopped so they are no longer eligible for a relationship?" Fun Australian fact: There are now 5 single women for every single man in Australia. Oh well. What's a girl to do?
magichands Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 There are now 5 single women for every single man in Australia. OK. OK. Maybe in your neighbourhood. Come on, Noos. I thought you had a modicum of intelligence. You're much too bright to believe that, surely?! Cite your sources, or retract such a disposable statement. Even if you include the over 80s, you'll never make 5:1.
lovelorcet Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Fun Australian fact: There are now 5 single women for every single man in Australia. Oh well. What's a girl to do? OMG... I know where I am going to be looking for my next lab!!
magichands Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 OMG... I know where I am going to be looking for my next lab!! I'll clean your test tubes for free. Deal?
lovelorcet Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 You have to wear gloves though... I don't want your DNA messing up my stuff...
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