clueless24 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I am a little confused right now as to whether this guy likes me or is he just being nice or is he just being fliratious. He is a co-worker of mine at the restaurant where i waitress at. He's the bartender in his early 30s. He talks to me a lot and seems to be flirting around with me whenever he sees me, but to me that's in his line of work so i dont know what to make of it. he would tease me and call me a bitch in a joking way whenever i am mean to him (i call him ******* all the time). he seems to be around in the server's station a lot, sometimes to make fun of me and sometimes to talk to the other servers. i think he's just bored up front and just want to go back to chat or maybe he's intentionally wanting to be around me. i cant tell. when he sees me, he always stops to greet me (also does that with everyone else) and he would ask me about my week and how it has been for me. he has asked me about my ex-bf and about the breakup and has said that my ex was one stupid guy to break up with me (i think he meant that in a consoling way). the last time that i worked he had asked me what i had done the night before and what i was planning to do tonight. i had said that i was planning to be alone but he did not say anything else. he tickles me or grabs me from behind around the waist sometimes. he also likes to step on my toes. when we had a discussion with our other co-wokers he singled me out and jokingly said that everyone at the place is great to work with except for me . he would jokingly asks me if i had missed him and tells me that he was thinking about me all week long. i dont know, when you guys say that, are you just flirting or do you actually mean it? He would tell me i look cute and when i look nice. i love kids so when i saw this cute kid in the restaurant i said that i wanted a kid and he heard me. his comment was "dont count on me, i am just here for practice". i turned around and he just said "no, nothing" and left. i dont know if he's looking to be in a relationship with me or just to get to me or if he's just simply being nice in a fliratous way. After all, he's a bartender, he flirts with tens of women a day and he's a pretty outgoing guy. i dont know what to think, can i have some advice pleaseeeeeeee. thank you guys for your time and your responses.
the_total_package Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 until he asks you out, he's nothing. DON'T ask him out, or ask him if he likes you. He knows you exist so he will ask you out if and when he is interested. If he doesn't, you know he doesn't like you in that way.
Author clueless24 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 i am not planning on asking him out or even asks if he likes me. i am really lonely right now and would like someone to share time and laughters with. I am not desparate, but i would like to have a relationship and someone to talk to and to care for. i do want a steady relationship and really do not care for a fling or a one night stand and i do not know if this guy is after the same goal or if he's just the love them and leave them type. i have been approached by a few other guys about us dating and having a relationship, but i really do feel attracted to this bartender guy and do secretly wish things would work out between me and him . i dont know if he's worth waiting for or if i should just move on and find happiness elsewhere. thanks
Lauriebell82 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 i've been in similar situations. some guys just like to flirt. thats just their nature. this dude, since he is a bartender, probably has gotten pretty good at coming off as flirtatous even if he isnt actually interested in whoever he is flirting with. does he flirt with other girls u work with besides u? if so, if by chance u two did get together, would it bother u to see him flirt like that in front of u? i know it would bother me. but anyway the other poster is right, until he asks u out he is nothing to u. if u like him keep flirting with him, but try not to be certain that this is going to lead to him asking u out. some guys just like to flirt a lot, honestly i wouldnt want a bf who constantly flirting with every female he knows. it would make me a little uncomfortable. also, getting involved with someone u work with is often not a good idea. people gossip and if u break up or are fighting it is often uncomfortable and hard to work with that person. iknow this from experience. this guy sounds like he might be a player also. all i can say is, give him the impression that ur interested, and if he asks u out great, if he doesnt than move on.
Author clueless24 Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 he does talk to the other girls that work with me but generally in a nice, friendly way and not the flirtatious way. since he's up front where the hostess is, they talk a lot. i never really listen to what they say so i do not know if he's flirting with her or not. sometimes when i come up there to grab a drink or to do a checkout when they're talking, he would smile or say something silly to me. he once said something mean to me and i sort of ignored him for a moment, then he came up to me during the night and asks if i remembered when i was back in fourth grade and when a guy says something mean or pulls my hair, it means he likes me. i don't know if he means he likes me in a nice way or likes me romantically. whatever he meant by it, i never asked. but like you Gab, i am not comfortable with my guy flirting with other girls either. it's not that he hits on every girl he sees, but he's a real comfortable guy and can pretty much have a conversation with anybody and talk about anything. there are times when i think he's genuine guy and there are times where i think he's just looking for fun. and yes, dating someone you work with is going to be hard in instances where things do not work, so i do want to stay away from it if i know it's not going to work between us. i just dont know why i am so damn attracted to this guy
Author clueless24 Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 Gab=lauriebell. i thought you username has said gaberielle;)
Nanachu Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Desperation looking never works from men to women or from women to men. Why don't you go out with the guys who are interested in you? Let them pick you up at your restaurant and see how he reacts to that. Let him know by action that he has limited time opportunity to ask you out. If he does not react to these or simply limited to a joke (e.g., "oh, I am jealous," "your date is a lucky guy."), you will know that he is not interested in you in the way. Don't tell him that I have these men who want to go out with me, blah, blah... This makes you look like you are trying to make him jealous. I would even pay money to my best looking friend of guy to take a role to see the guy's reaction! Good luck! Remember actions should speak.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 i dont know if u should go as far as to pay some friend to be ur "date"..thats manipulative and immature. like i said, i guess show him ur interested and like u like him. if he really is interesting in dating u, he'll ask u out but i agree u should keep ur options open and date other guys. dont wait around for him.
Noos Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Some guys like the power of flirting and waiting for a reaction froma girl. When they get the signs of interest, they back right off and pretend that they never encouraged you. He could be one of those and they are a little mean IMHO. Keep dating others and if he doesn't respond to the fact that you are out there, testing the market, he's not into you.
Author clueless24 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 i dont think i am going to be paying anybody to take me out i am going to see how it plays out this weekend, if he makes amove then he'll get his chance, if not; i might as well move on and find myself a good man:o thanks everybody. have a nice weekend:p
gigglesxx Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Clueless.... you just totally described my husband, and how we met 12 years ago.... he was a bartender, I was the hostess. He started calling me "psycho-bi*ch" in a "joking" manner.... and we bantered back and forth. It was all in fun.... or so I thought. I'm going to make a real long story short. we got married, and would be celebrating our 10th anniversary this August, except that I've ended the marriage. In the end, he really didn't have high regard for me, or for any woman for that matter (thus having multiple, multiple sex partners with no emotional attachment). He said he wanted children, then we had one, then he turned out to be a poor father - selfish and felt deprived of his life. My feelings on this guy of yours? I guess I'm a little jaded, but here's my take: He wouldn't even call you names like that if he were a gentleman. And if you tolerate it, it could mean you are just happy to get some attention, no matter what form it comes in. Professional bartenders are just that: professional actors. Everyone loves the bartender!!! because the bartender "loves" them, but bartenders make no money if they are miserable old saps. He likely has the gift of gab, and knows what you want to hear. My guy ended up being a total Jeckyl & Hyde - awesome guy in a social situation, and a total jack-a$$ at home. They come home, and "turn it off" and when the "honeymoon" is over, you may not be happy with the real guy. Sometimes after doing that job for so long, they don't even know who they are anymore - they are phoney day in and day out, and lose their sense of being. My advice? Proceed with caution. Have fun, but keep both eyes open, and most of all, don't tolerate flirtatious verbal abuse. Because one day, it won't be cute any more.
Author clueless24 Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 Clueless.... you just totally described my husband, and how we met 12 years ago.... he was a bartender, I was the hostess. He started calling me "psycho-bi*ch" in a "joking" manner.... and we bantered back and forth. It was all in fun.... or so I thought. I'm going to make a real long story short. we got married, and would be celebrating our 10th anniversary this August, except that I've ended the marriage. In the end, he really didn't have high regard for me, or for any woman for that matter (thus having multiple, multiple sex partners with no emotional attachment). He said he wanted children, then we had one, then he turned out to be a poor father - selfish and felt deprived of his life. My feelings on this guy of yours? I guess I'm a little jaded, but here's my take: He wouldn't even call you names like that if he were a gentleman. And if you tolerate it, it could mean you are just happy to get some attention, no matter what form it comes in. Professional bartenders are just that: professional actors. Everyone loves the bartender!!! because the bartender "loves" them, but bartenders make no money if they are miserable old saps. He likely has the gift of gab, and knows what you want to hear. My guy ended up being a total Jeckyl & Hyde - awesome guy in a social situation, and a total jack-a$$ at home. They come home, and "turn it off" and when the "honeymoon" is over, you may not be happy with the real guy. Sometimes after doing that job for so long, they don't even know who they are anymore - they are phoney day in and day out, and lose their sense of being. My advice? Proceed with caution. Have fun, but keep both eyes open, and most of all, don't tolerate flirtatious verbal abuse. Because one day, it won't be cute any more. giggles, thanks for sharing your experience. what you said is certainly what I am concerned about. it's unfortunate that a guy with such a great social personality is such a disappointment at home. i guess i am attracted to his outgoing personality and his vibrant nature, but like you said, it's the nature of his profession. he probably knows what you want hear and probably never means what he says. deep down i know this but yet i am attracted to him...for some dumb reason i dont know why...i do not appreciate the verbal abuse either, i guess i just look at his remarks as harmless jokes but i would be really offended if he had seriously meant what he had said. what you said is right though, he shouldn't be saying them in the first place. well, thanks giggles, i am probably going to let that "attraction" fADE and move on to someone who is more appreciative of me. i am sorry your marriage did not work out at the end. if you have not found that special someone yet, i hope in the near future you will find him and that your life becomes more meaningful.
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