YoungNY Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 My boyfriend is currently in Germany and will be until September, our 6 month anniversary is Thursday. I sent him a care package and gifts for our anniversary and Valentine's Day a few weeks ago. Though I didn't spend a lot of money on it, he was very grateful. Niether of us have a lot of money, so I wasn't expecting diamonds, anything would have been nice. I got a very sweet e-card, but that's it. It is our first Valentine's Day and six months a small achievement (at least in my book). Am I being selfish or am I right in being upset that I didn't get an actual real gift?
vampress Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 don't get upset yet... Valentines Day is tomorrow and your anniversary (can we technically call it that when it's only been 6 months??) is Thursday. You never know... maybe he has something planned.
polywog Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I completely understand why you're disappointed, but I wouldn't take it too hard. Maybe sending an e-card seemed like a big gesture to him. A lot of guys just seem to be kind of dense when it comes to V-day, otherwise there wouldn't be all those obnoxious commercials for Vermont Teddy Bears and Pajama-grams clobbering them over the head with the phrase that makes me gag, "she'll think you spent hours picking it out" or some such.
insomnie Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I wouldn't stress too much about this. Some people care more about holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries than others and in my opinion whether they get you something for a holiday as "made up" as Valentine's day (imo) does not say anything about their love. Don't turn this into a day of unmet expectations that are only going to create resentments between the two of you. Just be happy that you found someone you like, who likes you back, and that you've managed to stay together abd be happy this long.
the_total_package Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 6 month 'anniversary'? Did your bf acknowledge this first? because lots of guys don't really get into dating 'anniversaries' and he's going along with it because you made a big deal out of it. For the first Valentine's Day after 6 months, he'd get a card from me, that's it. Sending a care package and gifts may have been overkill and I would watch out, honestly. On the 1st Valentine's Day, the guy should take the lead (if you don't want to take the chance that he thinks you are getting way too serious than he wants to right now). He should have probably sent you a gift, but he's in Germany so a card's fine....but then again, he did send an e-card which shows he sent it after he received your care package so he didn't put any forthought into the gifts, he was just sending the e-card out of obligation since you sent him the care package and gifts. Honey, you're spoiling him and even though he's long distance, he's going to pick up on that and tire of that really quickly. He should think so highly of you right now that he misses you SO much that he should be spoiling YOU.... I don't know if it's too late to repair the damage, honestly....except be more distant, let him initiate the phone calls and emails for SEVERAL weeks, and don't respond to every email he sends right away, in fact only email him back about every 3 emails and don't get too mushy. He needs to know you're busy and your life isn't obsessing about him all the time.
Walk Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Maybe you should ask "Why" you did all that stuff? Why did you send him multiple gifts? Why the care package? Was it just to get stuff in return? Or because you care about him and wanted to show him how you feel? (I'm assuming its because you care and wanted to show it) Him not sending a gift in return doesnt' mean he doesn't care. And men sometimes need to be told what our expectations are. Everyone does for that matter. If you want or expect something from your bf, then let him know about it up front. But I really wouldn't recommend the whole "become distant" idea the previous poster mentioned. If your goal is to get a gift, then I guess that would work. If your goal is to have a strong relationship, then I think better communication needs to be worked toward. I think you need to talk to your bf about this. Long distance relationships won't work with-out solid communication.
MotherGooze Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I wouldn't take it too hard. I'm sure he cares, but like you said you bnoth don't have a lot of money, so you should be happy that he can spend his money on surviving in Germany. And well; we neer gave each other a gift when we were together for 6 months or any anyversairry. Did you talk about this with him?
Author YoungNY Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 I didn't really think sending him a care package and gifts would be a problem, seeing it is valentine's day and as he used to do things like that for me when he was here. But since he has been away, I been feeling I guess a little neglected. I just thought this time would be perfect to show each other how much we still care, but I only got a e-card. I haven't really talked to him about it yet, but I've given him hints that if he doesn't have time for me anymore he should tell now. He has only been gone a month and I don't want things to keep going this way for the next 8 months. But then I could just be selfish and be asking for too much. Should I just let it go?
Pretty Fly Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Honey, you're spoiling him and even though he's long distance, he's going to pick up on that and tire of that really quickly. I don't think that's true at all! be more distant, let him initiate the phone calls and emails for SEVERAL weeks, and don't respond to every email he sends right away, in fact only email him back about every 3 emails and don't get too mushy. He needs to know you're busy and your life isn't obsessing about him all the time. Do this and he'll assume you've lost interest and move on. I highly recommend that you DON'T do this.
the_total_package Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Do THAT and show that you have a life and aren't revolving your life around hearing from him. keep him on his toes wondering about you, especially in this long distance thing....he's away from you and having time to 'think about your relationship and if it's really what he wants.' This isn't about being cold or mean, it's being affectionate but also showing that you're an interesting person with a life outside the relationship. You're actually doing him a favor here by not being a cling-on. I will say I didn't realize that he had been giving you gifts before in person, but now at least you know, the first Valentine's Day especially the guy takes the lead. I don't think that's true at all! Do this and he'll assume you've lost interest and move on. I highly recommend that you DON'T do this.
Lishy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Well I think he is out of order and should have made MUCH more effort on their first Valentines day, especially as he is out of the country! Women love a bit of romance and to be made to feel special. To watch other women getting lovely flowers and knowing you got nadda is horrible and makes you feel un-loved and un-appreciated. I am by no means a princess and I am not material but I think men are too lax on Valentines day. I think she is right to feel upset and she should talk to him about how it made her feel! Thats my 2 cents worth anyway! Happy Valentines days everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
polywog Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 A thought... the exchange rate for USD$ is horrible right now and Germany is very expensive. Maybe that is a factor also?
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