RecordProducer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 AP, as I understood, you had an emotional affair, right? OK, that's certanly not cool, but it's not really cheating cheating... if ya know what I mean. It means something huge was missing in your marriage and you saught it elsewhere - in the books, in the movies, in the street, on the net, whereever... What did he do with the stripper? Once you said he slept with her, once you said he didn't... Look, if he didn't then you're even, nothing happened on either side. The biggest problme you have is the gap between the two of you. You need to make the marriage work or split if it's worthless. Just do something!
Author Meaplus3 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 AP, as I understood, you had an emotional affair, right? OK, that's certanly not cool, but it's not really cheating cheating... if ya know what I mean. It means something huge was missing in your marriage and you saught it elsewhere - in the books, in the movies, in the street, on the net, whereever... What did he do with the stripper? Once you said he slept with her, once you said he didn't... Look, if he didn't then you're even, nothing happened on either side. The biggest problme you have is the gap between the two of you. You need to make the marriage work or split if it's worthless. Just do something! To clarify for all H told me that what happened was he was in a private cubical with this woman. She was touching herself and then touched him. I spoke with my therapist last evening asking if he could have contracted something from her just by touching, he said it's very possible. Anyway, I am sure this is not life threating, but I plan to have some testing done anyway. H swears on his life he did not have sex with her of any type, it was touching of private parts only and he has never done this before. I realize this was a revenge against me for having the EA that I had. I should never of had an A and boy do I see that more clearly now. AP
sb129 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 What? I don't get this. Why is having sex with a stripper NOT adultery? What is it then, and why does whatever you call it make it better or worse? Stop the rollercoaster! This is a one way street to nowhere. I don't care who did what. I could not live with this. I agree. And there is NO way I would take a pill without knowing what it was for!!! Aren't you concerned about your health? What gives with that?
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 NO. He want's to stay married. He say's he love's me, That I am the best wife the best thing that ever happened to him. Howevre keep in mind he just confessed to the Stripper. AP When your H found out about your EA, he didn't kick you out, he didn't leave you, or ask for a divorce...Infact, it seems he didn't really react at all, kind of like he was shell shocked and numb. No yelling, no freaking out...Then, he has this little alone time lapdance with the stripper. Yes, it was a stupid ass choice of his to do, BUT, don't you think because of your kids, you need to get to counselling and atleast TRY to work on your marriage AP? You may hate him right now, maybe he makes you sick to your stomach - I don't know - But give yourself afew days to think things through, and talk to him.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 This is just F*** GREAT! I was just informed by my H that he had SEX with a stripper while away on business. Gee I guess now I am soooo freaking glad I confessed about my A, look where it got me! I am so mad right now. Guess I can move on over to the BS forum! Sorry had to VENT! AP:sick: So you betrayed your husband...and now you are mad because he did now too? Granted, what he did is despicable. Even to this day, I won't cheat after finding out about my wife...only thing that has changed is now there are ground rules...and if she breaks them, she loses her family and home. But I don't understand your anger...you didn't think enough of your husband to cheat on him...so why do you really care what he does?
a4a Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 EA or PA deception is deception. Actually having a stranger stroke you briefly may not be as bad as having real feelings for another.... minutes vs. hours, days, years, of energy being put into another person with real feelings behind it.
bonehead Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 So you betrayed your husband...and now you are mad because he did now too? Granted, what he did is despicable. Even to this day, I won't cheat after finding out about my wife...only thing that has changed is now there are ground rules...and if she breaks them, she loses her family and home. But I don't understand your anger...you didn't think enough of your husband to cheat on him...so why do you really care what he does? It goes deeper then then him cheating. Timing. She came clean, made herself vulnerable and while she was in that state he cheated. Then throw in the fact that he may have brought something home.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 answerplease When I found out about my H EA, I wanted to go find someone to have sex with just because I was pissed that things weren't going well for both of us and he went out and found an outlet for himself. I didn't do it, but I sure as h*ll thought about it. Oh that thought ran through my mind with my wife. I had thoughts about it as well...not serious thoughts...just kind of those, "i wonder what she'd say if I went out and....." Even after finding out that my wife hasn't been faithful to me, I wouldn't go out and cheat...I'll leave the marriage before I do that. Good for you for only thinking about it and not doing it. Two wrongs don't make a right and you will lose respect for yourself if you were to have had an affair.
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 It definately was a revenge thing, but I don't think it was planned and sought out. I think the opportunity presented itself and he went for it. He justified in his head, emotional, angry.... Anyway, two wrongs do not make a right.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 AP, as I understood, you had an emotional affair, right? OK, that's certanly not cool, but it's not really cheating cheating... Just because she didn't get the pipe layed to her doesn't mean its not cheating. If they were even just only kissing....its cheating. Lets put it this way...if your boyfriend kissed another girl and you got mad about it...its cheating. If you didn't care...then hell...let him kiss whoever he wants.
outofdarkness Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 This is just F*** GREAT! I was just informed by my H that he had SEX with a stripper while away on business. Gee I guess now I am soooo freaking glad I confessed about my A, look where it got me! I am so mad right now. Guess I can move on over to the BS forum! Sorry had to VENT! AP:sick: wow...that is a complicated situation. first off, I wanted to address the poster who said that having sex w/ a stripper is not adultery! Ummm..Yeah, it is! Secondly, my H went to the upscale "gentlemen's clubs" when he was a budding exec years back, and I know he had lap dances, but the poster who said the more upscale places don't allow this sex w/ clients, is correct. The more seedy one's do b/c that's how they make their money. It is so dependent on each person's situation in particular. I consider emotional cheating to be as damaging if not more damaging then P cheating....B/c It's such a huge betrayal to know that your S has been telling every little detail about all of their intimate thoughts to OP...It's devastating...I would much rather my H have a casual fling then one in which feelings and real relat. develope! Of course, neither one is acceptable to me, and choosing between the two is like choosing between hell and purgatory to me...But, I believe that when someone gets emotionally attached and real feelings are involved, it's harder to turn back... Also, I have a feeling that your H might be bs ing you just to spite you b/c of your EA! This happens alot. Hope this helps and good luck!
Salicious Crumb Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 It goes deeper then then him cheating. Timing. She came clean, made herself vulnerable and while she was in that state he cheated. Then throw in the fact that he may have brought something home. Like I said..what he did was despicable. And lets hope he didn't bring anything home. So one good thing could come from this...now she knows how he probably felt when she told him. Now that they both have an understanding what it feels like to be cheated on, they can either get help and rebuild, or divorce.
bonehead Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I consider emotional cheating to be as damaging if not more damaging then P cheating....B/c It's such a huge betrayal to know that your S has been telling every little detail about all of their intimate thoughts to OP...It's devastating...I would much rather my H have a casual fling then one in which feelings and real relat. develope! An emotional affair will also be harder to end. I read on here where alot of BS always throw in the sex. Whats sad is people seem to think that the sex is the worse that can happen where in truth the feelings that develop are even more of a threat to the marriage then the sex.
Author Meaplus3 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 I agree. And there is NO way I would take a pill without knowing what it was for!!! Aren't you concerned about your health? What gives with that? Yes I am very concerned. H told me it was Chlamydia. We are in a blizzard here today expecting 3 feet of snow. I am seeing my OB at 10 am in the morning. AP
sb129 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Thats great. Hope it goes OK. Good luck in the blizzard
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 H told me it was Chlamydia Are you sure that he isn't breaking your balls and making this up as a form of punishment ? His doctor would not give him a pill to give to you.. His doctor would write a script for you to have filled. If his doctor gave you a pill for Chlamydia in your husbands name then the doctor just broke the law and became a drug dealer. Was it a script ? or a pill ? if it was a pill look at the number on the pill and google it to find out what it is.
sb129 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Are you sure that he isn't breaking your balls and making this up as a form of punishment ? His doctor would not give him a pill to give to you.. His doctor would write a script for you to have filled. If his doctor gave you a pill for Chlamydia in your husbands name then the doctor just broke the law and became a drug dealer. Was it a script ? or a pill ? if it was a pill look at the number on the pill and google it to find out what it is. I didn't even think of that! Too late if she already swallowed it..
Author Meaplus3 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Are you sure that he isn't breaking your balls and making this up as a form of punishment ? His doctor would not give him a pill to give to you.. His doctor would write a script for you to have filled. If his doctor gave you a pill for Chlamydia in your husbands name then the doctor just broke the law and became a drug dealer. Was it a script ? or a pill ? if it was a pill look at the number on the pill and google it to find out what it is. How I understand this is that H had a symptom and went to the doctor's to check it out. The docter confirmed it to be Chlamydia gave him med's for it. The doctor told him that he could have me take to of the pills as a percaution it zithromax and to tell me to see my OB. AP
a4a Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 How I understand this is that H had a symptom and went to the doctor's to check it out. The docter confirmed it to be Chlamydia gave him med's for it. The doctor told him that he could have me take to of the pills as a percaution it zithromax and to tell me to see my OB. AP well how long ago did he "encounter" the stripper....... it seems it takes 1-3 weeks for symptoms to show up - per info on the net.
bonehead Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 How I understand this is that H had a symptom and went to the doctor's to check it out. The docter confirmed it to be Chlamydia gave him med's for it. The doctor told him that he could have me take to of the pills as a percaution it zithromax and to tell me to see my OB. AP Scripts are written for a certain treatment regimen. If your husband gave you some of his then he will not be able to complete the whole course. If the Dr wrote the script for more then the course ( which he would have to do ) it will raise a flag with insurance.
stillhere Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 AP could have taken a sample. My doc will give me samples when he has them. He may have written a script for the H and gave AP the sample. If she has the same doc as H, then the doc has access to her records and knows if she is allergic or not.
Author Meaplus3 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 well how long ago did he "encounter" the stripper....... it seems it takes 1-3 weeks for symptoms to show up - per info on the net. 3 weeks would be about right. Apparently the doctor gave him enough medication for both of us. My H did not go to our regular Doc, he said he could not do that. Regardless, I have an appointment for myself to be checked over with a fine tooth comb. I guess this was the wake up call I needed. Thank gosh I did not have sexual relations with MM, gosh who know's where he may have been? I don't know him that well. I never thought about STD's in A's because I have always been a sexually faithful partner in my marriage. Before my marriage I was not the type of girl that ran around. I never ever believed in that. I should never have clung onto MM with my emotion's like I did. I have learned the hard way here and feel like I have acted like a child. I am NOT proud of my actions at all. AP
a4a Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 3 weeks would be about right. Apparently the doctor gave him enough medication for both of us. My H did not go to our regular Doc, he said he could not do that. Regardless, I have an appointment for myself to be checked over with a fine tooth comb. I guess this was the wake up call I needed. Thank gosh I did not have sexual relations with MM, gosh who know's where he may have been? I don't know him that well. I never thought about STD's in A's because I have always been a sexually faithful partner in my marriage. Before my marriage I was not the type of girl that ran around. I never ever believed in that. I should never have clung onto MM with my emotion's like I did. I have learned the hard way here and feel like I have acted like a child. I am NOT proud of my actions at all. AP well according to the net he either got oral from her or had sex with her...... so the net says... need some fluids to transfer it.......unless she cried on him or maybe he poked her in the eye with it? look out for the herpes... I think those take awhile to show up.... who knows what else...... so sorry.......
Kathleen Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Answerplease, Please get to your doctor asap & take care of yourself!! That's what matters most!! Sure you know that. Keep us posted.
Guest Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Fluids CAN be transmitted if the nasty stripper whore hates men and wants to extract revenge on all those guys she has to pretend to like every night. Also a standard course of treatment for chlamydia always includes the partner since if they both are not treated it can 'ping pong' back and forth.
Recommended Posts