Mark B Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 besides she's so 2006by this i meant g*g*, not myself. don't want people getting the wrong idea after some of the sh*t i've written
dropdeadlegs Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 by this i meant g*g*, not myself. don't want people getting the wrong idea after some of the sh*t i've written You're worried about that NOW? You are a changed man, Mark.
Author VinaAmez Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 For example, you may not care about looks and consider someone to be in your league because they are great in every way. But they may think that you're way above them because you're better looking so they will "punish" you for that, possibly. There is a reason why people date out of their league: usually it's insecurity and lack of self-esteem. The reason why they date someone below them is the same as why they date someone above them. In the first case, they want to feel like the good one in the relationship. In the second case, the knowledge of dating someone better than them makes them feel better about themselves. That doesn't make any sense. Sure I agree with below but above too?
Kamille Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 If you are basing your assesment of someone on face value alone (ie: Never getting to know them well) then how you can say with authority that someone is above or below your level? Answer: You can't. I used to assess people on the outside until I learned it was happening to me as well. I was being judged inaccurately based on little information. How many times have you met someone who at first seemed like a complete arse only to later get to know them and find out "Hey, they are not so bad after all." We all have good days and bad days. What's sad is we're often "judged" based on a few interactions with someone and it's that tiny amount of time spent together that someone may form a lifetime opion of. "There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys. There's only you and me and we just disagree." Cheers. I agree with you that I cannot judge before speaking to someone. Yet something makes it so I am attracted to some people and not others. I'm not even sure if that constitute a league - because for me league is too hierarchical. It supposes that we are all deep down looking for the same thing in a mate, that which we can quantify to consequently position ourselves in the game. I am but a brunette with green eyes and a round face, therefore my chances of finding grade A quality partner -ooh and quality true love -are diminished. That's not been my experience with falling in love. Yet there was something that drew me -and kept drawing me- to my partners. Similar interests. And somehow I could perceive that in their attitudes (and not so much their looks if that makes sense). It is not necessarly clearly looks or socio-economic class (even though most studies show that socioeconomics have an impact on how we speak, act, behave). But it is a perception of common interests: creativity, environmentalism, generosity, happyness, general approach to life that just kept being confirmed as I got to know them. Example: Last night I met a guy I instantly felt attracted to. There was something about his smile and his behavior that I felt attractive and comforting. We both work in the liberal arts. Somehow, for me, that tells me I have something in common with this person. That he'll likely enjoy my endless analysis of social life and that I will enjoy his creative side. I won't lie. My dating experiences have taught me to be selective when looking for a partner. So yes, I still discriminate - I'll admit it!- but only because I know what has worked for me in the past. It makes more sense then trying to get to know every guy out there. (Who, anyways, might not be interested in getting to know me). In a way, I was attracted to this guy because I think right then and there, we mutually recognized each other as having a lot in common. But it was more then that. It was that smile - his attitude which made him an attractive, interesting 'my kind' of guy. It's what I could guess about him, you know? His smile just made me feel like I would have a great time if I got to know this guy - that we could share in laughter and, likely, that he was outdoorsy. I would even guess that he probably loves to travel and that he's generally easy-going. All that in a smile, a handshake and a 5 minute conversation. Was he goodlooking? I think so, but objectively he is average. It was really his attitude that made him stand out for me. I do not rule out getting to know people who weren't as successful as him 'being attractive' in a 5 minute conversation. R, the one guy I ever lived with, was somebody who definitely grew on me. I just know that I am more likely to succeed getting asked out on a date with this guy. And that we are more likely to go on more then one date.
Noos Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 Cali isn't naive - he's an idealist. Me - I'm a realist and believe that most people feel entitled to fish in certain leagues and if you do not fit their idea of the characteristics of people in that league, you do not get a chance. People judge on social status, education level and looks all the time given that our population is too large for everyone to know each other personally.
Author VinaAmez Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 Cali isn't naive - he's an idealist. Me - I'm a realist and believe that most people feel entitled to fish in certain leagues and if you do not fit their idea of the characteristics of people in that league, you do not get a chance. People judge on social status, education level and looks all the time given that our population is too large for everyone to know each other personally. Yeah I would agree. Some people do this.
katiebour Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 When I moved from OR to SD, I looked on MySpace for people locally with whom I might hang out. I came across this really hot guy, and I thought, "He is waaaay out of my league." But he had a great survey on his page, which I copied, pasted, and inserted my own answers on my profile. A few months after I had moved, I got a message from this hot guy, telling me that he liked my blog and thought we had a lot in common. We chatted back and forth, eventually met up for dinner. And now we've been together for a year and a half. So much for leagues
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