Author VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 I bet you never expected this direction for your thread eh? Na I knew what I was getting into when I posted this.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I'm not even sure what my "league" is exactly, but I am sure I have dated out of it. I am generally uncomfortable with those who have expensive possessions. I don't really know if it is my fear of major debt or a feeling that I am not worthy of the nicer things in life. Whatever it is, it just makes me uncomfortable. I grew up in an upper middle class family and my parents seemed to equate possessions with value and by giving them to me, love. Maybe I am running away from that as well. I want to hear and feel love, not see it. As far as looks go I think I date people that I find attractive, yet many others see as pretty average. I have recently discovered that many men will state that a woman is "pretty" and I see them as average at best. I think I have a double standard where looks are concerned and am harder on women than on men. I know I look at myself and see "average" and many compliment me as "pretty." Thus, I see women that are pretty by many standards, as average as well. This all tells me that I have some skewed views concerning financial and beauty leagues. I'm not typical in my views of either. I'm not sure where I fit in so it's hard to know where I draw lines, if any. I do believe that the uber-wealthy and the lower class in a financial sense would likely have family and status issues that would lead to problems. I don't think looks are a very big part of who I choose to date because I don't often date someone unless I get to know them fairly well first. Have I answered the question at all?
Author VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Have I answered the question at all? I was just looking for opinions on this. If that's your opinion then yes. .
the_alchemyst Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I have a crush on a guy who is out of my league. He is really cute, smart, funny, and really artistic, so he's definitely not for me. But you could argue that I have self-esteem issues. I do tend to think that people generally want to connect with other people who are on the same level as they in many aspects, like physical appearance, mental capacity, financial stability, etc, because they feel that perhaps there is a better chance of things working if they are on the same "level"/page. While people like like or dote or want to date people who may perhaps be more attractive than them, or more intelligent, or more financially stable, they usually don't "go for it" because they see those as impediments/obstacles that may be too difficult to overcome, or even as unnecessary, if they dated someone more like them. Perhaps this does stem from insecurity--maybe personal insecurity or just fear from leaving their comfort zone, but the truth is that many people will usually not dare ask out that super hot chick, if they are a little chubby and wear glasses. It just happens. I know I wouldn't do it.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 He is really cute, smart, funny, and really artistic, so he's definitely not for me. I bet he thinks you are cute, smart, funny (when you're not being so dark) and artistic, too. Let me tell him about your crush! I want to prove you wrong that he's out of your league, my beautiful friend! T.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Hmm, doesn't this prove that you DO consider yourself better than others, at least to the extent that you're saying people who don't love themselves 100% all the time suck, and those that do rock, and because you're the latter you're better? Hahaha, that was really difficult to understand. I'm just sayin'... That's your perspective of what I said, but that is not what I implied. If one looks at life through a "worldly" perspective, maybe that is how one would view things. If one sees life through a spiritual perspective then I guess they'd see that we're all equal.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Yes, yes...it's one thing to state this, but is it how you feel?? Cali, come on...be serious. Don't you ever suffer from that "roller coaster" of emotions feeling. Are you saying you are too stable to feel that? Not at all. I have my up and down days like everyone else. But building confidence and self-esteem is a daily ritual for me. It's something I make a point to work on every day. So yes, I really do feel that way. It's part of understanding boundaries and why they are important in life. If you have healthy boundaries by default you will have healthy levels of confidence and self-esteem. But again, it's not a learn and forget thing. It's something I work on consistenly and probably will for the rest of my life.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I bet you never expected this direction for your thread eh? *cocky alert* CaliGuy: I suppose we will have to agree to disagree. As I said earlier there is a spiritual or Zen rightness to what you are saying. Unfortunately, that and $4000 I don't have will pay off the car that I'm not even driving (ex-has it). I know what I am and I know what I can do. And I also know that any woman on this forum wish that the man they loved had more qualities that I do (and then would proceed to either cheat on him, go back to an ex, stop having sex with him, or simply have a nervous breakdown ). I know my gf loves me and I love her back. We are both lucky people in that respect. When my gf leaves for work, comes home from the gym, wakes up in the morning, or simply walks the dog, looks her worst or looks her best, she does it knowing how wonderful she is and how much she is loved. And she knows that if anything ever went down, I would be the first one there to help her pick it up again. That is what I base my worth and manhood on. Do I lie awake at night frustrated that I spent 4 years of college and 4 years of graduate school and the loans to go with it only to be in a position where I will never approach 6 digits (Hell... 70k would be a retirement achievement) and provide for my future family as I would like unless something changes? You're damn right I do. It pisses me off, in fact. But I don't think I'm less of a man. I think that my earning potential sucks... quite a difference. It makes me downright angry when I think of the position I have put myself in, but I don't think I'm unworthy in any way. I think that I wish I could contribute more financially to the family so that they could have more. As for breaking the cycle, as you say, I have broken many to this point. I can only do so much . Unfortunately, I managed to keep the divorce cycle intact. I understand what you are trying to say. I am also sure your current g/f understands the situation you are in. Do you think she looks down at you because of your income level? Do you think she judges how much of a man you in relation to your salary? If you ask any woman what they would prefer, a guy as you explain yourself to be who doesn't make a ton of money or a guy who makes a ton of money but is an ass, I'm willing to bet most would prefer the low income, quality guy over the high income jerk any day of the week, provided they are not materialistic and shallow. And if they are, is that the kind of woman you'd want to spend you life with? I sure wouldn't. I'd rather be dirt poor and happy than filthy rich and miserable. And I grew up dirt poor and happy, so at least I can say I've been to one extreme. I don't think being rich would make me happy.
Topper Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Since the beginning of time woman have used men to elevate their position in life. Woman have always been able move up the classes if she has beauty. That's the way it has been, It is still the way today. The Cinderella story is more popular then ever. To woman wealth and power are an aphrodisiac. It only in the very resent history that a woman can gain economic power on her own. Yet she still wants to marry up or at least on the same level. Woman are by nature more conscious of social status then men. LS seems to have it's share of well educated and successful woman. How many of you would get involved with a man that made far less then you? Would you feel you were settling or lowering yourself? Many men do feel that they should be the breadwinners. It is our social conditioning. We are now in interesting times. Woman now out number men in Collage. they are also gradyuating from Collage in higher numbers then men. They are also starting to out number men in Grad schools programs. In general education will equal a larger pay check. So it seems in the near future that woman may indeed be earning more then men. will this mean that they will have a smaller pool of men to pick from? Or will it mean that both woman and men will have to find new ways to define ourselves?
Pyro Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Do you date or consider dating people "out of your league" or "in your league?" I was wondering what some of your thoughts about the idea of: good looking date good lookingaverage date averageunderaverage date underaverage I guess that it depends on what you mean by "league". If you are referring to it as wealth, then it really doesn't affect me. Money is not an issue to me when I consider dating someone. If you are referring to it as in looks, again, it doesn't phase me. We are all human. No one is beeter than anyone else. We all have our good sides and we all have our flaws. What do you mean by league?
luvtoto Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Not at all. I have my up and down days like everyone else. But building confidence and self-esteem is a daily ritual for me. It's something I make a point to work on every day. So yes, I really do feel that way. It's part of understanding boundaries and why they are important in life. If you have healthy boundaries by default you will have healthy levels of confidence and self-esteem. But again, it's not a learn and forget thing. It's something I work on consistenly and probably will for the rest of my life. You have got to be, hands down, thee most "positive" person I've ever known. Hands down. You're outta my league, CaliGuy.
Mark B Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I have a crush on a guy who is out of my league. He is really cute, smart, funny, and really artistic, so he's definitely not for me. But you could argue that I have self-esteem issues. I do tend to think that people generally want to connect with other people who are on the same level as they in many aspects, like physical appearance, mental capacity, financial stability, etc, because they feel that perhaps there is a better chance of things working if they are on the same "level"/page. While people like like or dote or want to date people who may perhaps be more attractive than them, or more intelligent, or more financially stable, they usually don't "go for it" because they see those as impediments/obstacles that may be too difficult to overcome, or even as unnecessary, if they dated someone more like them. Perhaps this does stem from insecurity--maybe personal insecurity or just fear from leaving their comfort zone, but the truth is that many people will usually not dare ask out that super hot chick, if they are a little chubby and wear glasses. It just happens. I know I wouldn't do it.I don't know you, but you look adorable to me. You shouldn't be so down on yourself-save that for when you're 32 and loveless
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I don't know you, but you look adorable to me. You shouldn't be so down on yourself-save that for when you're 32 and loveless You might be surprised. It's a small world.
Mark B Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 You might be surprised. It's a small world.yes, it is. why just the other day i ran into my old friend tragicglands
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 yes, it is. why just the other day i ran into my old friend ************ Don't mention that name around here.
Pyro Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 yes, it is. why just the other day i ran into my old friend tragicglands Hmmmmm, you are obviously an older LS member with a new name. I will go out on a limb and guess B4R.
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Hmmmmm, you are obviously an older LS member with a new name. Why didn't I think of that?! Brilliant.
Mark B Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Hmmmmm, you are obviously an older LS member with a new name. I will go out on a limb and guess B4R.B4R is dead (undead) may he rest in peace
Pyro Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Why didn't I think of that?! Brilliant. Well, you and a couple other LS members are notorious for switching back and forth between two different usernames for no apparent reason at all.
Pyro Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 B4R is dead (undead) may he rest in peace Don't say that. For the most part, I liked him (in a non-gay way). Bring him back. I want to learn more about Hitler and strip clubs.
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 B4R is dead (undead) may he rest in peace Let's all take a moment to remember the legend. That dude was a genius. OK. I'm done.
tragicglands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Well, you and a couple other LS members are notorious for switching back and forth between two different usernames for no apparent reason at all. Not sure I understand where you're going with this.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I don't know you, but you look adorable to me. You shouldn't be so down on yourself-save that for when you're 32 and loveless 32? Is that the point where love is lost forever? Oh, I hate Florida, too.
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 32? Is that the point where love is lost forever? No. But you may need drugs to get it back.
Storyrider Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 B4R is dead (undead) may he rest in peace And the walrus is Samuel Beckett.
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