burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 women are much more into the whole "type" thing. check out any dating site and look at the super-specific criteria women list in regards to almost any category you can think of and then check out the men's ads where all of the criteria are wide open. it think it says everything..
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Does it bother her? If not, what's the problem?? Get over it. I'm sorry but being masculine and secure means you don't sweat minor details like this. What's wrong with a man wanting to provide the world for his GF/wife/SO and being frustrated when he can't? I think that's a perfectly natural emotion, even for the most confident, masculine of men.
Road Rage Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 CaliGuy At a glance your physical appearance may well place you in the top 5 percent. Not a woman or gay to make that judgement. But to every action there is a reason. You are just quite naive about life.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 What's wrong with a man wanting to provide the world for his GF/wife/SO and being frustrated when he can't? I think that's a perfectly natural emotion, even for the most confident, masculine of men. Nothing as long as you don't let it destroy your confidence and self-esteem. What good is worrying over something outside of your boundary going to do aside from needlessly burning emotional energy?
Porn_Guy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Yes I've been told that but that does work the other way around too. men choose also but women have THE FINAL SAY which gives them more power overall. CaliGuy . You are just quite naive about life. I would tend to agree.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 CaliGuy At a glance your physical appearance may well place you in the top 5 percent. Not a woman or gay to make that judgement. But to every action there is a reason. You are just quite naive about life. Thanks for the compliment but I am neither in the top 5% of anything, nor am I naive about life. What does annoy me is people who "judge" me based on looks. We're all the same regardless of looks, stature, weath, fame or whatnot.
luvtoto Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Do you think I always made this much money? Nope. Do you think that at any point in my life I correlated my self worth with my bank account? Nope. Money to me is a tool. Just a tool. It has no bearing on my self-worth and never has. In fact, those who measure their self worth by their income usually never find happiness. If the focus of your life and self worth isn't on who you are 100% of time then you will always suffer from confidence and self-esteem issues and feel you will never measure up. It's up to you to break the cycle. Have you ever been without a job? a home? a car? That was me four years ago. I had everybody and their dog looking down on my life. Now that I have all those things and more, my confidence and the way I feel about myself has improved greatly. I can hold my head up high now. My confidence and self-esteem didn't improve till I got my life back on track again. Just saying...
Author VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Thanks for the compliment but I am neither in the top 5% of anything, nor am I naive about life. What does annoy me is people who "judge" me based on looks. We're all the same regardless of looks, stature, weath, fame or whatnot. Well you can believe this or not but I know someone who DOES judge people on looks and won't even consider dating someone who is good looking. Doesn't want anything to do with them based on appearance generalizations. Sure we shouldn't make them but there is a reason those generalizations are made. They don't pop out of the thin air. Even myself, I'm hate it when I'm judged too. I hate it when people think I look to young to do my job. It's BS.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 What's wrong with a man wanting to provide the world for his GF/wife/SO and being frustrated when he can't? I think that's a perfectly natural emotion, even for the most confident, masculine of men. Nothing as long as you don't let it destroy your confidence and self-esteem. That doesn't jive with you constantly saying that if you feel what I've described you automatically have self-esteem issues. Even you, King Of Loving Thyself, must have moments of "hmm, I don't like that about myself."
tanbark813 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 men choose also but women have THE FINAL SAY which gives them more power overall. I had a FWB for about 8 months. She always wanted more but I told her I didn't. How did she have the final say there? You've never turned down a woman before?
luvtoto Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 That doesn't jive with you constantly saying that if you feel what I've described you automatically have self-esteem issues. Even you, King Of Loving Thyself, must have moments of "hmm, I don't like that about myself." Star Gazer has a point, Cali. It never seems like you have any flaws...or care to admit them.
Porn_Guy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I had a FWB for about 8 months. She always wanted more but I told her I didn't. How did she have the final say there? You've never turned down a woman before? theres a big difference between having final say in starting a relationship and having final say in continuing it. initially, you would never had had a FWB with her unless she wanted it.
Road Rage Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Porn Guy You are sharp as a razor. You seem to get it. Just give `em time ol` boy, life will hit them right between the eyes.
tanbark813 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 theres a big difference between having final say in starting a relationship and having final say in continuing it. initially, you would never had had a FWB with her unless she wanted it. Right, and she never would have had a FWB with me unless I wanted it. Not all of us have to settle for only what we're offered, bro.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Have you ever been without a job? a home? a car? That was me four years ago. I had everybody and their dog looking down on my life. Yes I have. Back in 2000. I was without a job. Had to burn all my savings, work odd/part-time jobs, etc. That was the state of the economy at the time. It wasn't a reflection of me or my self-worth. At least I didn't see it that way. As long as you know you hold value inside it shouldn't matter what other people think. And really, when we gain our approval from others or material things we are basing it off things that fluctuate. It does not create a solid foundation to base your confidence and self-esteem on. What is the best place it put it on? You. Now that I have all those things and more, my confidence and the way I feel about myself has improved greatly. I can hold my head up high now. So if for some reason you lose your job again, will your confidence be shot? Do you see where I am going with this? If you let it effect you negatively it will shine through on an interview as well. People will see your lack of confidence and self-esteem and not see value in you. People determine their value of you, well healthy people at least, on how you see yourself. If you think you are unworthy, so will they. If you believe you are worthy, so will they. My confidence and self-esteem didn't improve till I got my life back on track again. I understand. I just think that is a bad place to base your sense of confidence and self-esteem. Just saying... Me too
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Star Gazer has a point, Cali. It never seems like you have any flaws...or care to admit them. Oh I have plenty. I am far from perfect and have freely admitted that many times.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 That doesn't jive with you constantly saying that if you feel what I've described you automatically have self-esteem issues. Even you, King Of Loving Thyself, must have moments of "hmm, I don't like that about myself." All the time. That's why I consistently work on them all. Including my confidence and self-esteem, which would never improve if I thought of myself as less than/greater than someone else.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Well you can believe this or not but I know someone who DOES judge people on looks and won't even consider dating someone who is good looking. Doesn't want anything to do with them based on appearance generalizations. Sure we shouldn't make them but there is a reason those generalizations are made. They don't pop out of the thin air. That's based on his own insecurities. He's already labeled someone he hasn't met (much like I was earlier labled naive by someone who doesn't know me, people make assuptions all the time). He either gets over it or he doesn't but it's up to him to do something about it. Nobody is going to dig him out of that hole. He has to do it himself. Even myself, I'm hate it when I'm judged too. I hate it when people think I look to young to do my job. It's BS. It is. That's why when I meet people who judge me I simply walk the other way. Today for instance I told someone I wasn't interested in them and why. It wasn't because I didn't think she was attractive (she was). It was simply the fact that when I didn't call her back right away she got ticked off and left me a mean spirited message. She judged me a "jerk" not even knowing the circumstances of why I didn't call her right back. Uhhh, ok. No thanks. I've learned not to tolerate that sort of behavior and it's not the right way to start off a relationship. Had she simply been patient (she called when I was at work and it's not like I am going to chit-chat on the phone about setting up a date where my business partner can hear me) I would have called her back after work.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 All the time. That's why I consistently work on them all. Including my confidence and self-esteem, which would never improve if I thought of myself as less than/greater than someone else. Hmm, doesn't this prove that you DO consider yourself better than others, at least to the extent that you're saying people who don't love themselves 100% all the time suck, and those that do rock, and because you're the latter you're better? Hahaha, that was really difficult to understand. I'm just sayin'...
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I've learned not to tolerate that sort of behavior.... You don't seem to tolerate much at all, CG. Just sayin'...
Author VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 That's based on his own insecurities. He's already labeled someone he hasn't met (much like I was earlier labled naive by someone who doesn't know me, people make assuptions all the time). He either gets over it or he doesn't but it's up to him to do something about it. Nobody is going to dig him out of that hole. He has to do it himself. Yes I would agree. It is. That's why when I meet people who judge me I simply walk the other way. Today for instance I told someone I wasn't interested in them and why. It wasn't because I didn't think she was attractive (she was). It was simply the fact that when I didn't call her back right away she got ticked off and left me a mean spirited message. She judged me a "jerk" not even knowing the circumstances of why I didn't call her right back. Uhhh, ok. No thanks. I've learned not to tolerate that sort of behavior and it's not the right way to start off a relationship. Had she simply been patient (she called when I was at work and it's not like I am going to chit-chat on the phone about setting up a date where my business partner can hear me) I would have called her back after work. Yes I walk away myself. Just the other day I was filling in for a friend of mine. I walked in the door and already judged. I didn't even get to explain myself or say who I was. This women didn't even believe me that I was working for my friend. She went and asked someone else. After she found out I was she was up my butt the whole day. She even had "balls" to tell me how to do my job and tryed to tell me what to do. Even tryed to tell me what to say to someone. Of course I ignored her and did what I was told to do by someone else. It was unbelieveable. She even said that I looked to young. Well I'm sorry, I'm not to young. Just because I wasn't 65 like her, doesn't mean that I was unfit. All I did was stand there and then helped in the women's locker room. Personally I think she was threathend I was going to take her job. Yeah freaking right. Wouldn't want that at all. ------ I would have done the same thing if that was a guy. Some people are impatient and think that you should drop and do it NOW and if not then there is no excuse. What a werido.
luvtoto Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 As long as you know you hold value inside it shouldn't matter what other people think. And really, when we gain our approval from others or material things we are basing it off things that fluctuate. It does not create a solid foundation to base your confidence and self-esteem on. Yes, yes...it's one thing to state this, but is it how you feel?? Cali, come on...be serious. Don't you ever suffer from that "roller coaster" of emotions feeling. Are you saying you are too stable to feel that?
Krytellan Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I bet you never expected this direction for your thread eh? *cocky alert* CaliGuy: I suppose we will have to agree to disagree. As I said earlier there is a spiritual or Zen rightness to what you are saying. Unfortunately, that and $4000 I don't have will pay off the car that I'm not even driving (ex-has it). I know what I am and I know what I can do. And I also know that any woman on this forum wish that the man they loved had more qualities that I do (and then would proceed to either cheat on him, go back to an ex, stop having sex with him, or simply have a nervous breakdown ). I know my gf loves me and I love her back. We are both lucky people in that respect. When my gf leaves for work, comes home from the gym, wakes up in the morning, or simply walks the dog, looks her worst or looks her best, she does it knowing how wonderful she is and how much she is loved. And she knows that if anything ever went down, I would be the first one there to help her pick it up again. That is what I base my worth and manhood on. Do I lie awake at night frustrated that I spent 4 years of college and 4 years of graduate school and the loans to go with it only to be in a position where I will never approach 6 digits (Hell... 70k would be a retirement achievement) and provide for my future family as I would like unless something changes? You're damn right I do. It pisses me off, in fact. But I don't think I'm less of a man. I think that my earning potential sucks... quite a difference. It makes me downright angry when I think of the position I have put myself in, but I don't think I'm unworthy in any way. I think that I wish I could contribute more financially to the family so that they could have more. As for breaking the cycle, as you say, I have broken many to this point. I can only do so much . Unfortunately, I managed to keep the divorce cycle intact. The closer we are in education, appearance, financial background (and which within each of said category exists "leagues"), the more likely we are to understand each other. Using $$ as an example, I believe a middle-class and a lower-class, or a middle-class and an upper-class person are more likely to be compatible than a lower-class and a uber-wealthy-class couple. The latter will just have way too much trouble understanding each other... I agree very much with this. The physical money tends to be less of a factor than the realities and personalities that come with it. Because let's face it, privilege even has it's own odor
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 When my gf leaves for work, comes home from the gym, wakes up in the morning, or simply walks the dog, looks her worst or looks her best, she does it knowing how wonderful she is and how much she is loved. And she knows that if anything ever went down, I would be the first one there to help her pick it up again. That is what I base my worth and manhood on. :love: That is the very definition of the man every single woman on Earth hopes to find.... *sigh*
burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 :love: That is the very definition of the man every single woman on Earth hopes to find.... *sigh*oh please, sure you do.
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