VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Do you date or consider dating people "out of your league" or "in your league?" I was wondering what some of your thoughts about the idea of: good looking date good lookingaverage date averageunderaverage date underaverage
Krytellan Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 If by "league" you mean "looks"? Well, I'm just plain hot so I'm pretty much forced to do "interleague" dating Not enough beautiful people around for this stud <----------------
burning 4 revenge Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 One of my problems is I won't accept my league. I'm a decent looking guy, but I have other physical and financial problems and I know that there are women lonley enough who would accept me with all of my limitations but when I think of what they look like and the idea of me kissing them I shudder.
Author VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 If by "league" you mean "looks"? Well, I'm just plain hot so I'm pretty much forced to do "interleague" dating Not enough beautiful people around for this stud <---------------- Sorry I should have been more clear. It will have to depend on what you consider it to be.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 If you think someone is "out of your league" you have a definite confidence and insecurity problem. No one should be (or really is) out of your league.
Krytellan Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 If you think someone is "out of your league" you have a definite confidence and insecurity problem. No one should be (or really is) out of your league. I am currently dating someone that I have an "out of my league" issue with. This is solely because she makes significantly more money than I do and I have never experienced that before. For anyone who has never been the woman or man in my situation, you may have no idea the kind of feelings that stirs up in a man. I always thought it would be great... but in doing it the thoughts creep up even though I know they're irrational. It's just tough when as a man you lose the one thing that you are traditionally meant to provide to a woman. Welcome to the women of the new millenia I suppose...
Author VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 Welcome to the women of the new millenia I suppose... Well I was raised to make as much as possible and to never rely on anyone but myself. I don't need a guy to provide for me. I went to college and seeked out the best job I could so I wouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. Times are different.
milvushina Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hmm, my husband is super cute, and I'm not bad looking, but he is just way cooler than me. Maybe he likes cute nerdy girls. So, in a way he's out of my league because he is so much more cool, but on the other hand I might be out of his league because I read books and understand algebra. Seriously if someone who seems too good to be true wants to date you, why would there be a problem?
Author VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 Well I was raised to make as much as possible and to never rely on anyone but myself. I don't need a guy to provide for me. I went to college and seeked out the best job I could so I wouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. Times are different. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't date anyone. I did end up with someone and the whole "who makes more" doesn't matter. At least it's never occured to me.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I am currently dating someone that I have an "out of my league" issue with. This is solely because she makes significantly more money than I do and I have never experienced that before. So you define your worth as a man by how much money you make??? How sad... God measures a man by the size of his heart and nothing more. For anyone who has never been the woman or man in my situation, you may have no idea the kind of feelings that stirs up in a man. I've dated Attorneys who make 5x as much as I make (and I make 6 figures). Doesn't bother me a bit. I always thought it would be great... but in doing it the thoughts creep up even though I know they're irrational. It's just tough when as a man you lose the one thing that you are traditionally meant to provide to a woman. No you don't. You just think you do because you measure your value in life by how much money you make, not what impact you leave on the world before you go. What will people remember you for when you die? How much wealth you amassed or how many lives you positively impacted? Think about it. Welcome to the women of the new millenia I suppose... It's merely your perspective on life that makes you believe you are out of someone's league. It's not the reality.
Krytellan Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I've dated Attorneys who make 5x as much as I make (and I make 6 figures). Doesn't bother me a bit. Well duh... it's little different in the non-profit world... try making less than 40k and come talk to me. And as nice and bubbly and spiritual as your post sounds, it matters to some. In fact, it can be a very real obstacle in some relationships. I understand you're trying to relay a helpful message, but I don't measure my worth solely on what I make. It can just have a very "real" effect on a life. Those who make more than they need will never understand. It's real easy to talk about how much money doesn't matter when you aren't wondering exactly how you're going to be able to afford to take a weekend vacation every few months because it's hard enough to make a car payment.
Pretty Fly Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 If you think someone is "out of your league" you have a definite confidence and insecurity problem. No one should be (or really is) out of your league. I like what you say because it encourages me. I tbelieve I have an issue with this. It's odd though, because there are certain types of girls (black hair, brown eyes) I think who are stunning and get butterflies in my stomach when I think about approaching them (apparently that makes me a wimp according to other threads). But a good mate of mine would thinks those same women are just "above average". And the women he thinks are stunning (mainly blondes), I think are just average (I think it's because I'm blonde myself). My point is "out of your league" can be subjective.What you may think is out of your league can be no big deal to your peers. I need to start taking my own advice!!
Author VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 I need to start taking my own advice!! That's good advice. Some people need to.
Star Gazer Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I've dated Attorneys who make 5x as much as I make (and I make 6 figures). Doesn't bother me a bit. I think the relative difference between your pay may have something to do with why YOU don't feel "out of their league." Earning 6 figures is quite a fnancial accomplishment. There comes a point when you've "made it" financially, and although there might be people who are "above" you in the rhelm of paychecks, having "made it" puts you all within the same league. I believe you, CaliGuy, have that made it sense of this financial accomplishment, and therefore aren't intimidated by others who have ALSO made it, regardless of how much more money they make. However, I think it's a different story when it's a guy who makes $33,000 versus a woman who's in her early 6 figures, don't you think? (And I'm speaking strictly from a financial perspective, NOT what one contributes to the community.) Whether you choose to admit it or not, there are "leagues" in life. There are still "classes" - lower class, middle class, upper class, ridiculiously-wealthy class...and these aren't all strictly about how much money is in the bank, for many of the upper class actually have a lower net worth than the lower and middle class. But still, for many, there are inherent difficulties in mixing classes (for purposes of dating) due to the backgrounds of each - the differences breed misunderstanding and resentment.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Well duh... it's little different in the non-profit world... try making less than 40k and come talk to me. And as nice and bubbly and spiritual as your post sounds, it matters to some. In fact, it can be a very real obstacle in some relationships. It only matters if you let your self worth be determined by how much you make. As long as you cling to that silly belief you will always think of yourself as less of a man. Really. What defines being a man to you? I understand you're trying to relay a helpful message, but I don't measure my worth solely on what I make. It can just have a very "real" effect on a life. Those who make more than they need will never understand. It's real easy to talk about how much money doesn't matter when you aren't wondering exactly how you're going to be able to afford to take a weekend vacation every few months because it's hard enough to make a car payment. Do you think I always made this much money? Nope. Do you think that at any point in my life I correlated my self worth with my bank account? Nope. Money to me is a tool. Just a tool. It has no bearing on my self-worth and never has. In fact, those who measure their self worth by their income usually never find happiness. If the focus of your life and self worth isn't on who you are 100% of time then you will always suffer from confidence and self-esteem issues and feel you will never measure up. It's up to you to break the cycle.
Author VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 I think the relative difference between your pay may have something to do with why YOU don't feel "out of their league." Earning 6 figures is quite a fnancial accomplishment. There comes a point when you've "made it" financially, and although there might be people who are "above" you in the rhelm of paychecks, having "made it" puts you all within the same league. I believe you, CaliGuy, have that made it sense of this financial accomplishment, and therefore aren't intimidated by others who have ALSO made it, regardless of how much more money they make. However, I think it's a different story when it's a guy who makes $33,000 versus a woman who's in her early 6 figures, don't you think? (And I'm speaking strictly from a financial perspective, NOT what one contributes to the community.) Whether you choose to admit it or not, there are "leagues" in life. There are still "classes" - lower class, middle class, upper class, ridiculiously-wealthy class...and these aren't all strictly about how much money is in the bank, for many of the upper class actually have a lower net worth than the lower and middle class. But still, for many, there are inherent difficulties in mixing classes (for purposes of dating) due to the backgrounds of each - the differences breed misunderstanding and resentment. Yes I would agree. That's one of the reasons why I asked how people felt about it. Sure there is the whole "appearance" issue but the classes is another one. Would people be willing to intermix the classes? Or would people be willing to intermix the "leagues" in terms in appearance?
Porn_Guy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Do you date or consider dating people "out of your league" or "in your league?" women tend to be much more in tune with the concept of "leagues"....if a man is not in her league he generally doesn't get to play ball, if you know what I mean. Remember that its the women who do the choosing.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I think the relative difference between your pay may have something to do with why YOU don't feel "out of their league." Nope, because it's never bothered me. Even when I was younger and making less than 25k a year. Didn't have a nice car, had to have roommates, didn't have any materially nice things but it never stopped me from dating someone who made much more than me (I remember a girl I used to date who had a new corvette and paid cash for it) and it never, ever made me believe I was out of someone's league. Earning 6 figures is quite a fnancial accomplishment. There comes a point when you've "made it" financially, and although there might be people who are "above" you in the rhelm of paychecks, having "made it" puts you all within the same league. I'd buy this if I had been making 6 figures for some time but I haven't. And like I said, it's never bothered me. Ever. Not once have I ever correlated my self worth with my bank account. I have in the past, when I've been in love, correlated my self worth with what SHE thought of me, but I've learned to get past those needless insecurities. I believe you, CaliGuy, have that made it sense of this financial accomplishment, and therefore aren't intimidated by others who have ALSO made it, regardless of how much more money they make. Again, if I thought this way when I was making less than 25k I would believe you. But I didn't back then and I don't now. Only if you let it bother you. Whether you choose to admit it or not, there are "leagues" in life. There are still "classes" - lower class, middle class, upper class, ridiculiously-wealthy class...and these aren't all strictly about how much money is in the bank, for many of the upper class actually have a lower net worth than the lower and middle class. But still, for many, there are inherent difficulties in mixing classes (for purposes of dating) due to the backgrounds of each - the differences breed misunderstanding and resentment. I don't believe in classes and never have. I just don't see life that way. We all put our pants on the same way. We all are human. We all are fallible. We all have strengths and weaknesses. To view one human being as being "better" than another is in itself nonsensical and irrational. God didn't make us better than others. He merely gave us different talents that we are to use for the benefit of mankind. Sorry, I just don't buy the "classes" thing. And in the US, you have an equal chance to be as successful or unsuccessful as you want to be. It's up to you. Nobody keeps you down but yourself. Therefore, logically, if you think of other people as being out of your class or better than you, they will be. But not because you are only because you THINK they are.
Author VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 women tend to be much more in tune with the concept of "leagues"....if a man is not in her league he generally doesn't get to play ball, if you know what I mean. Remember that its the women who do the choosing. Yes I've been told that but that does work the other way around too.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 women tend to be much more in tune with the concept of "leagues"....if a man is not in her league he generally doesn't get to play ball, if you know what I mean. Remember that its the women who do the choosing. This holds true ONLY if you believe it. If you don't let it bother you there's no one who is "out of your league or class." Period.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Yes I've been told that but that does work the other way around too. it does, but women do more of the choosing, alpha is right. and i think they are much more prone to think of a guy in terms of if he's good enough for princess, or not.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 As long as you cling to that silly belief you will always think of yourself as less of a man. I don't think K thinks he is any less of a man than you are, CG. I think he just feels awkward at times when he's not able to provide for his GF what she's used to - and able to - provide for herself. Yes, the times are a changin', but I totally understand a man's DESIRE to be the "provider" and his discomfort with the roles being slightly reversed. As for VA's most recent question, it's not about being "willing" to mix anything. I think we look for commonalities in our relationships. The closer we are in education, appearance, financial background (and which within each of said category exists "leagues"), the more likely we are to understand each other. Using $$ as an example, I believe a middle-class and a lower-class, or a middle-class and an upper-class person are more likely to be compatible than a lower-class and a uber-wealthy-class couple. The latter will just have way too much trouble understanding each other... And obviously I'm speaking in a huge generalization here, there are clearly exceptions.
Road Rage Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 If you are in the top 5 percent of your sex in any category, be it looks, money, personality, sensuality, etc.,....any of the things that the opposite sex finds attractive, you can date any league. But, if you have no superlatives, then league is all important and looms large. You stand a dogs chance in hell to date out your league.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I don't think K thinks he is any less of a man than you are, CG. I think he just feels awkward at times when he's not able to provide for his GF what she's used to - and able to - provide for herself. Yes, the times are a changin', but I totally understand a man's DESIRE to be the "provider" and his discomfort with the roles being slightly reversed. Does it bother her? If not, what's the problem?? Get over it. I'm sorry but being masculine and secure means you don't sweat minor details like this. If it does bother her, then he's with the wrong woman. FWIW, I don't think I am above anyone else. I don't judge people based on their income, where they live or what they drive. I just don't classify people like that. I've been in bands with people who live in multi-million dollar houses. I never treated them differently and had they looked down upon me they wouldn't have a minute of my time. Self-worth, confidence, etc. This is all in your mind. It's got nothing to do with your circumstances, unless you let it.
Author VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 As for VA's most recent question, it's not about being "willing" to mix anything. I think we look for commonalities in our relationships. The closer we are in education, appearance, financial background (and which within each of said category exists "leagues"), the more likely we are to understand each other. Now that I look back on that, "willing" was a wrong word to use. Sure now I'll agree with commonalities. I did that myself.
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