Wendyrite12 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 My boyfriend and I broke up in December. Not a bad breakup, I mean it hurt but we've been really respectful to each other. We were obviously spending the holidays apart. He was going to Brazil with his dad to take a little cruise on a boat. We started texting again as he left for his trip. My best friend is from Brazil and was back home for the holidays. I suggested to him that he get in touch with her since she could probably give him some suggestions, places to go et. and some other male (gay) friends of ours where down there also hanging out with her, along with a guy she always liked but who was never interested in her. I emailed her and told her he was in her town and could he call her and maybe meet up. So everyone was happy and he was going to touch base with her for the 2 days he was in town before the boat thing. I didn't hear from either of them for a day and a half. I kinda started to panic like mabe I shouldn't have been so gung ho about them hanging out. Finally later that day my ex wrote that he had met my friend out at dinner with his dad and then she offered to drive him around to sight see. He said she was a little annoying and he ended up having to pay for everybody. He and I continued our correspondance as usual with what he was up to, still no word from her. As, a friend, if I was hanging out with someones recent ex, I would call right away so they didn't think something happend! Anyway, almost a week later she wrote me, no details of their hang out, just that he told everyone how much he loved me but it seemed he just needed to party and be alone for a while. Fast forward...we are all back from vacation in January. My girlfriend asks me to pick her up from the airport. I can't cause I'm working but I say "what are you doing tonight, let's get together and catch up!" she says "no, I have plans" which was kinda wierd since she usually tells me what those plans are. The next day we decided to do lunch. I said "how were your plans last night?" she said "oh it was really fun. It was a reunion with all the people who hung out in Brazil but no one else was invited because they ALL wanted it to be the core group and no friends or significant others were invited (which seemed a little strange to me). She said the only person who didn't show up was my ex, but all the gay guys and the guy she liked went. I thougth it was a little wierd but glad he hadn't gone. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I asked her what she was doing for valentines day. She said she wanted to tell me so I didn't hear it from anyone else but that she had been emailing my ex to congratulate him on a promotion at work and she thought they should have another "reunion" dinner with the Brazil people and no one else. She said the people going were, the guy she liked (who doesn't like her) maybe the gay guy if he wasn't with his boyfriend and my ex. She said it was important for her to stay in contact with my ex since they are in the same business and he has the power to hire her et. I found this all to be a little strange and found it odd that she never told me she was writing him et. and was setting up dinners with him behind my back!! I'm not sure he even would have gone as he is super busy (why we broke up) cause he was just promoted and works like 20 hours a day and he didn't go to their last dinner either. He's kinda friendly with the guy she likes and the one gay guy he works with also. I think to him if anything it looks like a harmless work dinner that he probably won't attend but does this behavior seem way inappropriate on her part??? I confronted her and she said I was crazy and had lost my mind and then proceeded to tell me that a friends had actually thought her and my ex would be a great couple but she had told that person that she could never go there or do that to me! WHAt the heck is that??!!! I feel like bringing this up to my ex but I don't want to look juvenille. He just asked me to go matress shopping with him so I'm trying to keep NC over on that side!
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 He's your "ex" right? Why does it matter? You should change the title to read: "Is my best friend after my EX boyfriend?"
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I guess setting them up wasn't a good idea. And I know you didn't "set them up" in a sense of something happening, but things happen...Obviously they bonded or something clicked between them. Look, forget the ex, TALK to your bestfriend about this.
Author Wendyrite12 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 Haha, yes Cali guy your so right! It should say EX boyfriend but I'm new here and don't know how to change it! As to the rest of your response, it does matter to me because I don't want a close friend who goes behind my back. It's not as if we have been broken up over a year or have other partners. We are still talking and figuring things out and I've been confiding in her so for her to contact him behind my back makes her untrustworthy. If she wanted some guy from 5 years ago that would be one thing. Im just not sure if maybe the whole thing is more innocent on her part than it seems.... If you had just gotten out of a relationship and were still communicating with your ex and your best friend had been emailing them and trying to get together a "group" dinner, wouldn't you wonder about your friend??
Grrlish Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 First, CaliGuy is right. He's your EX-boyfriend. Second, if this is truly your best friend, then I don't understand why you would suspect her of doing something...anything...behind your back. A friend is someone you trust, at least in my world. Maybe all of these people, including your best friend and your ex, had a really great time together in Brazil. Wouldn't you being there sort of put some stress on the social aspect? I mean, wouldn't there be some tension between you and your ex that would possibly affect the easy flow of things? I mean, seriously...it's Valentine's Day. Plus, umm, you weren't invited... I'm a little confused when you say "I'm trying to keep NC over on that side". On what side? It sounds like you've been in touch with your ex. Am I incorrect? As for the best friend, you better figure out if you value your friendship and if you really think she'd be doing something behind your back like that. Several years ago, one of my best friends accused me of sleeping with a guy she was dating. The guy was a total player and she knew it. She went out of town for the weekend and I stayed at her place (I was living out of the area and liked to come home now and then). Small town, he passed me in his car while I was walking down the street. It's been a long time but he either asked me if I wanted a ride or if I wanted to go get coffee or something. I told my friend about the conversation. He had her feeling so insecure that she insisted that I'd slept with him! Good thing that I love this woman because she's still one of my best friends. She knows that I'm a loyal friend and after I directly reminded her of this, point-blank, she apologized, and I let it go. Never another mention about it. If you value your friendship with that woman, I'd offer up a heartfelt apology as soon as possible and get over it. Business associates...friends...whatever...what do you CARE? We're all adults, right?
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