sakeeta Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 My boyfriend and I moved into our own place after 4 months of staying with the roomates that he was living with when we got back together. We had seperated for about 4 months when he called me wanting to get back together. I thought about it long and hard before I decided that we would do this again, and I made sure that what my expectations were in the relationship were crystal clear, giving him every opportunity to bail if he couldn't take the pressure. I was living in another town several hours away, and had no plans to ever see him again, and it was a big decision for me. Everything has been pretty good, and we've been working on our house, and we finally got to move in a week and a half ago. Moving weekend his attitude toward me changed, and he's been snappy and grumpy at me since. He seems like he's trying to pick a fight with me, and just seems unhappy. Then the other night we went out for a couple of drinks, and there was this Spanish Lolita looking lady in there and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her...right in front of me. Then he made a comment later to someone else that made me think he definitely was looking at her and Lord only knows what he was thinking. My thinking tends to lean on, if he's grumpy, fight picking at me and now has a case of the wandering eye, then he's not happy where he's at. I love this man very much, but now I have doubts about the strength and status of our relationship. That wandering eye thing really got me..he's never done anything like that before. We will have been together 2 years come July, and we seem to have a good relationship..but our situation has always been rocky..not stable. Now we have a house and the opportunity for that stability, and all of a sudden he's unhappy. What should I do or think or prepare myself for..or am I just overreacting??
BeenAround_N_Back Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Sorry to say but I would never be with a man who openly dissrespects me (ie, by having a wandering eye right in front of me, or even saying something about another woman!! ). I wouldn't put up with it unless there is a valid medical excuse (insanity?). Sorry to be blunt but I would not waste anymore time on this guy, even if he professes his love for you. You deserve better, someone who treats you with respect.
Madea Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 .Boy, do I feel for you. I have put up with the wandering eye for the last year and it really makes you wonder how happy someone can be with you if they are always staring (not looking really quick, but STARING) or looking for someone to stare at. You need to talk to your bf about this now, let him know how it makes you feel. And, if he cannot stop it, don't make the mistake of marrying him and hoping he will change. Sounds as if your bf might regret how deeply involved he has gotten with you, afraid of being tied down. Then again, he could have just been in a bad mood this past weekend for whatever reason. Talk to him about it and I wish you luck. PS If he was making comments about this lady, I would darn sure bring it up with him. As the above poster stated, you can do better.
Island Girl Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 It could be that he was fine as long as planning was going on but actually moving into the house made his life flash before his eyes and he is now feeling resentful of the situation and feel it may be going too fast - it could have sparked a kind of "this is the rest of my life!". A friend of mine went through this but she was married with a new baby! He was fine with the marriage and the baby until they bought a house together. It really freaked him out and he panicked due to the responsibility. It wasn't HER or the baby or the house - it was all of it - the finality of it that did it. Just so you know - they did work through it and are now extremely happy. It was a tough fix though. In the end he just had to decide that he really did want to be married with a family and commit to it. You could try talking to him about it but it is tough because, if this is the case, he will feel like if he is completely honest he may lose you. It is really a tough situation and I really feel for you.
Author sakeeta Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Thanks for the input everyone. I just really am surprised by his behavior, especially after all that we have gone through and how hard he worked to get me back. I guess I expected more than this. I don't know what is worse, his attitude or the wandering eye. Everytime I think about it I feel like telling him if he thinks the grass would be greener with Miss Spanish Lolita, then he can just go get it if he thinks he can and not to let the door hit him on the a** on the way out. And oh, by the way...don't even think about coming back in that door. He has just never done that before, especially so blatently. I may try to talk to him when I can be calm and productive about it, but I don't think I can manage that right now. He knows he's in the doghouse about something, because I've been barely able to speak to him at all and I don't act like my usual self around him. I don't pretend and hide things very well. I guess we shall see what happens!
Madea Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 You definitely need to calm down before you talk to him about it. You definitely have to talk to him about it soon or else you'll do like me, say nothing and just watch in disbelief as it continues and eventually you will explode. I'm sorry you were disrespected and hurt in this way but put your foot down on what is and is not acceptable behavior for you.
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