Sand&Water Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 The Story. Starting from the top -or rather, from the beginning. The 2 men I have come to know. Each one is described below. Man #1 - Call him T: I met T last year. More about him at this thread:Haven't Heard From Him Since December. Basically, the relationship isn't lifting off the ground. There have been some lag time in between lives, and tons of miscommunication. But, I like him and am trying to establish a more prominent connection with him than the one I already have. He is interested; he has shown that he likes me as well -at least last I checked. He's ultra busy at the moment and he and I are having a hard time communicating and getting our thoughts and intentions in order. This is the frustrating part but it is not that bad. He is the type of man that I can see myself being intimate with, and we do share a few passions and things in common; I am, after all, physically attracted to him but I am not entirely sure he and I are compatible emotionally, and intellectually. Likewise, perhaps it would be safe to say he and I need more time to explore all these areas before actually coming to a definite conclusion. Man #2 - Call him J: I met J about 2 months ago. So, mind you, this is not too long ago. I thought I made a new friend, and the conversations I had with him -even though there were a few disagreements and differing points of view -I enjoyed. There was something interesting about him -but I couldn't put my finger on it well because I hadn't really gotten to him well enough. He is very easy to talk to -I could talk to him for millions of hours, and to me it would seem like minutes. At first glance, he looked handsome in my eyes. I wouldn't say he is more handsome than T, but I think I could be physically attracted to him. He and I have tremendous amount of respect for each other, but sometimes I think he gets upset all to easily. Plus, he has said to me that he isn't sure about what he wants in life, and where he is headed. About a 2 weeks ago, I wrote a journal entry (NOT a diary) -something like a poem . . .a few thoughts that were going on in my head about J. These thoughts mainly consisted of the commonalities, understanding, the talks, and his overall presence -because I think subconsciously I liked him. I never thought much about this journal entry. They were just thoughts, and stuff floating around. A few days later, I was talking to J and out of the blue he confessed to me about his desire to get to know me more, liking, girlfriend potential, and all that love crap. I would have never ever expected this. It was like as though my thoughts in that journal entry made their way to him -as though things were aligned to happen. Creepy and freaky. Anyways, I made a mistake of telling J (Man#2) about T (Man#1). I was venting to him about T; how frustrated I was with T and the whole parade of rants. I tried to make it clear to J that I wasn't ready to get attached to anyone at this time, and that I am currently dealing with a lot of things/issues along with T -because I met T before J. All in all, I think I may have wasted a good chance. I'm confused, and don't know where to go from here. I'm still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. May be neither is the best choice. What do I do? Who do I go with? Thank you in advance. Sand&Water
Salicious Crumb Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Anyways, I made a mistake of telling J (Man#2) about T (Man#1). I was venting to him about T; how frustrated I was with T and the whole parade of rants. I tried to make it clear to J that I wasn't ready to get attached to anyone at this time, and that I am currently dealing with a lot of things/issues along with T -because I met T before J. All in all, I think I may have wasted a good chance. I'm confused, and don't know where to go from here. I'm still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. May be neither is the best choice. What do I do? Who do I go with? Well your mistake wasn't simply telling man 1 about man 2...your mistake is playing both sides of the fence. Any man that is worthy of a relationship won't put up with you seeing someone else....much less want to sit there and listen to you complain about the other man. But you weren't clear on what you perceive as a "mistake". Did the man you were venting to about the other get mad? Did he stop calling you or dump you? Or did his attitude towards you just become different after he found out you were seeing someone else? Thank you in advance. Sand&Water
Author Sand&Water Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 RE: Allow me to explain this, because I think it wasn't made clear. your mistake is playing both sides of the fence. Any man that is worthy of a relationship won't put up with you seeing someone else....much less want to sit there and listen to you complain about the other man. No. I am not playing both sides of the fence. Not at all. Man #2 knew about Man #1 because he had asked me about my status -being single or not -a few weeks ago. I could have lied to him about my status. But I didn't. I told him I am single but that there is someone else in the picture. Then, at a later time, I ended up venting to him about Man #1. Did the man you were venting to about the other get mad? Did he stop calling you or dump you? Or did his attitude towards you just become different after he found out you were seeing someone else? Man #2 and I are just friends. And, friends talk things out. When I vented to Man#2 about Man#1, he didn't get mad. Not at all. Rather, he was very supportive. He and I talked about it for a while, and he did his best to help me out and listen to what I had to say. I would never ever play games with 2 men simultaneously. Nor would I talk about having a serious relationship with both, knowing that I am quite uncertain about my feelings. Sand&Water
Salicious Crumb Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Man #2 and I are just friends. And, friends talk things out. Well you and Man #2 are just only friends...then I don't see what your problem is.
the_total_package Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 especially since you haven't been intimate with either one. Also, do not tell a guy your dating if you're dating someone else. You know what, this is none of their business until he has asked you to be exclusive. I have been seeing a guy a month, it so happens I really like him a lot so far and want to keep seeing him. When I am "busy" some nights and don't answer the phone or say "oh I was out and about" He'll say "with another guy" I'll answer "Oh just out and about, 'ya know?" drives him nuts and he is actually asking me out more and wanting to be with me more (but he doesn't get that yet, right now it's only once or twice a week at most or he's going to know he 'has' me.) Also....the first guy is nothing right now because he hasn't even made an effort to get you on a date. Busy or not busy....if he's absolutely intrigued and blown away by you, he isn't letting his so-called busy life get in the way of pinning down a date with you. So...that dude's not even 'in' right now. I would cut down on the long talks and communication with him, having brief responses to texts, emails, etc. and certainly don't return his calls at this point because if he really is into he'll call until he gets ahold of you. You have to be a prize worth going after. Like I said, if he likes you, he'll make the move of actually asking you out. If not, he just wasn't that into. I can't stress enough how NOT to discuss if you're dating someone else when another guy asks, he doesn't GET that info from you, not until he has asked for exclusivity and you have slept with him and made it clear that you don't 'share' your man once sex has started.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 You are right...there isn't anything wrong with dating two guys, multiple guys...whatever....at the same time. But don't be surprised if the guy you choose finds out you are dating others behind his back and moves on to greener pastures. Same thing happened to me right out of college...a girl I was dating pretty seriously wound up visiting an old boyfriend a state away...when she came back she expected us to pick up where we left off....I said sorry...can't do it. She explained that her and I didn't have a committed relationship, but wanted one with me....thats when I told her.."you are right...and because of that fact I am not mad at you....but if you want a committed relationship with me...that aint the way to go about it." And I ended it. I know that is not the case here. She said man 2 was just a friend...so I really don't know what she thinks she is messing up.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 ok are u interested in man #2? u said ur just friends and u vented to him about the other guy who u were dating? did man #2 ask u out also? do u like him? i guess i'm a little unclear whether u have actually dated both, or one is just a friend and the other u have feelings for. are u thinking about getting involved with man #1 as well? anyway, it sounds like ur trying to chose between the two. do u like man #2 as a bf or just a friend? and which one do u like more? seeing two guys at one time can be very confusing, i have been there. decide who u like more, and go for it!
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