oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hello, I was just wondering how long into a monogomous relationship do you decide that you no longer need condoms (I guess assuming you're on the pill and the condom was only to defend against STDs). For me it's probably a couple of months when the trust really kicks in, but I wanted to see what everyone else thinks.
KittenMoon Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I'd say once you feel you can trust them AND you've both had a full run of STD tests done. If you want to be extra safe- wait six months and do the tests (just in case HIV is incubating). That being said, I think using both the pill and condoms is a must unless this is a person you could handle an accidental pregnancy with- I've known too many examples of a single bc method failing.
milvushina Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I might sound prudish, but except for my husband I always dated a boyfriend at least for three months before we had sex. Then used condoms for a while and had an STD screening. The first part is just to make sure I wanted to get serious, since I never liked for the number of people I have slept with to get larger, the second is just something I needed for my peace of mind. One night stands and stuff, not that there have been that many, used condoms. But after about 5 or 6 months I trust someone to not knowingly give me a disease. Maybe I am paranoid? You just never know. I've never had any fears of pregnancy with my pills as long as I took them every day. I personally don't know anyone who got pregnant while taking their pills every day. So, I feel pretty safe with that now.
georgejungle Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Too many people put their Sexual needs before what's responsible and the "right thing to do". HIV is no joke, so make sure you and your partner get tested. It;s true, You Never know. And yeah, Unless you can see yourself having a child with this partner, there's always the risk of pregnancy and a lot of these newer Pills don't seem to be working with a lot more accidental pregnancies happening, or so i've been reading and hearing. You just never know, so I'd say the answer to your question is up to YOU and YOU alone. do the right thing, stay safe and be responsible.
Pretty Fly Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I might sound prudish, but except for my husband I always dated a boyfriend at least for three months before we had sex. Maybe getting off topic here, but can I assume from that that you slept with him before 3 months. Presumably you flet something different with him then? Which doesn't sound prudish, sounds like you were looking for something and found it. I bet that makes him feel pretty good!!
roxy_1980 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I find it takes about six months for me to trust someone enough not to use condoms. However, it varies. I always used DepoProvera and there are less chances of becoming pregnant with it, cause the rate of hormone release is more constant. STD tests were always involved. I always felt that if I was old enough to be having sex that I should be ready to handle a child if the protection failed. Course, that was before my ex cheated on me 1.5 years into the relationship and almost gave me syphilis. I was on antibiotics at the time in question, so we were using condoms as a back-up in case my birth control failed. Lucky! I don't know how long the next guy will have to wait before we go bare-back. A little gun shy I guess now.
RecordProducer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Sorry, but this I might sound prudish, but except for my husband I always dated a boyfriend at least for three months before we had sex. and this One night stands and stuff, not that there have been that many, used condoms. kinda don't go together. I mean, you've had one-night stands, but you've waited for 3 months for the "srious" boyfriends. Isn't that hypocrisy? You were pretending to be a "virgin" with the guys you liked long-term, but didn't mind acting freely with the guys you didn't take seriously.
insomnie Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Hm. Things moved really fast with my boyfriend. I spent the night at his place the day we met, and we had sex about a week after. I was 18, a virgin... I'd had boyfriends before him, but I wanted to wait until it "felt" right. With him it did, and I guess my gut instinct must not have been too off because 3 years later we are still going strong. He's the only person I've had sex with...but I think if we were to break up and I were to get involved with someone new....being slightly more mature and wary of how nasty people can be, I would wait a while to make sure I am right about who it is I feel I know before jumping into bed. As far as condoms go... we stopped using condoms a month in (as soon as I got on the pill, which I took EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME) and I got pregnant. So, I'd recommend them to everyone who isn't planning on having a child... you really can never be too safe, so uness you know exactly how you will handle an accidental pregnancy... use a condom. As far as how long it takes to "trust" someone not to give you something nasty... I don't think there is any right answer. Of course you should always get tested before stopping the condoms, but I don't think there is a point after which you can be more "sure" about someone not being cheating scum. We generally go out with people we have a good gut feeling about, and the longer we know them the more we trust them... and still sometimes we are wrong.
roxy_1980 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 As for newer pills resulting in more accidental pregnancies, there is no conclusive evidence it is actually the pills and not the people taking them. The newer b/c pills have the same lab tested failure rates as any other b/c pills. However, many people take them willy-nilly whenever during the day and think it gives them good protection. The hormone level needs to be consistent and constant for the pills to work properly, that means taking them at the same time every day. Otherwise, the hormone level fluctuates and they get pregnant. Also, being on antibiotics more or less neutralizes the chemical forms of the hormones used in b/c. Therefore, for the 10 days that you are taking your penicillin, use condoms or better yet, don't have sex if you can't handle a pregnancy.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 i have been on depo provera for 4 years and havnt gotten pregnant. i started on it with my ex bf who i was with for 2 1/2 years. we stopped using condoms about 3 months into the relationship (after he got tested, i get tested regularly when i get my shots). with my current bf who i've been with for sex months, i slept with him faster than my ex bf (3 weeks after we became exclusive, we dated for a month casually). i had him get an STD test just to be on the safe side, he said he had never had sex without a condom. so actually i have never used a condom with my current bf. i fell for him real fast and slept wih him fairly quickly into the relationship, and i hadnt been using condoms for a long time with my ex bfs so i wanted to continue to do that. (my birth control is working, i havnt used condoms in a very long time). but i trust my bf and get regular std tests and pregnancy tests, so i'm not worried about it.
hindsfeet Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 id say when your married to them. you dont know if its really gonna last and you dont wanna get crotch rot from them right as the relationship ends and be stuck with some junk you cant get rid of.
katiebour Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 When I used birth control pills my libido disappeared and I gained weight. We use condoms to avoid the hormonal side effects. But it has the added benefit of being safer if it seems likely to you that you might catch an STD from your partner. Just do whatever feels safe for the both of you- if it means using two forms of birth control, do it. If you don't want to use condoms, get a full screening before you stop using them.
Violet_Sky Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 first of all, waiting a while to get to really know someone, her comfortable period is 3 months, is not pretending to be a virgin. It's getting to know someone and having time to fall in love with them, and giving them the time to fall in love with you....because you see them as longterm possibilities, they know you're for real and will stick around that long if they're in it for real, too. guys she just wanted a one-night stand with, it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter if they call or not the next day or if they stick around, in fact she may not want to hear from them again. so there's no hypocrisy here at all, you are just associating waiting to sleep with a guy for three months as being prudish when actually it's smart.
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 ... you are just associating waiting to sleep with a guy for three months as being prudish when actually it's smart. So, is three months the magic number? In my day, some things were just worth waiting for!
Violet_Sky Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 everyone has what they're comfortable with. I just didn't feel like the poster who said she liked to wait about 3 months for serious boyfriends and had one night stands, I didn't think that made her a hypocrite, because it's her choice and her body.
Pretty Fly Posted February 17, 2007 Posted February 17, 2007 everyone has what they're comfortable with. I just didn't feel like the poster who said she liked to wait about 3 months for serious boyfriends and had one night stands, I didn't think that made her a hypocrite, because it's her choice and her body. But then couldn't you argue that... if she was with a guy she was into and he was into her and wanted it to go somewhere, according to what was said before, she'd be holding off on the sex. But what if then he found out she'd had one night stands? To a guy that's a bit confusing. He'd be thinking, she won't sleep with me, but she slept with that other guy(s) after only a few hours. She mustn't be that into me, adios!
Violet_Sky Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 it doesn't matter what I've done in the past, if I've done things with guys faster than others, had one night stands...I would expect him to respect me if I didn't want to have sex right away....plus I don't share this info usually if I have or haven't. I think guys know the difference between a one-night stand and a relationship and of course those are handled differently.
Pretty Fly Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I would expect him to respect me if I didn't want to have sex right away. Well, of course. My point is make sure the guy knows why you're waiting. I don't mean outright tell him (that's a bit of a mood killer), but make sure he understands that you see him as having "potential".
VinaAmez Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 I think guys know the difference between a one-night stand and a relationship and of course those are handled differently. They do? Not all of them. ------- As for the whole "protection" thing, yes I would use it no matter what. Especially if your sleeping around. Sure a test or two may come back negative but that shouldn't be an all go to keep it unwrapped and away you go. In my day, some things were just worth waiting for! Yes I agree and over time I think that will be a thing in the past. Something unthinkable IMO.
Author oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 18, 2007 Author Posted February 18, 2007 As for the whole "protection" thing, yes I would use it no matter what. Especially if your sleeping around. Yes obviously if you are sleeping around, you need to wear a condom. That's not what I was talking about however. I've never "slept around" in my life; anyone who I've had sex with was in a monogomous relationship with me (well except for one who was cheating on me!). I'm talking about being in a committed, monogomous relationship. I do agree with the posters, however, that you need to be ready for the possibility that birth control will fail and if you don't think you could handle having a child with that person, then you probably shouldn't take the condoms off! Two methods of BC are better than one
IpAncA Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Two methods of BC are better than one Yes they are.
happygilmore Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 Condom, thats a swear word....... Hate them, only a few times used them, if i get away wit it i dont use them. Condoms ruin the feel and ive lost 1 before , if u know wat i mean.. But i know i should sumtimes, get worried when im told history of sum1 after sex...
RecordProducer Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 it doesn't matter what I've done in the past, if I've done things with guys faster than others, had one night stands...I would expect him to respect me if I didn't want to have sex right away....plus I don't share this info usually if I have or haven't. I think guys know the difference between a one-night stand and a relationship and of course those are handled differently.What about honesty? Would she tell her potential-prey guy that she is holding off sex from him, because she really likes him, but had had one-night stands with people who weren't good enough catches? I truly doubt she would admit her strategy. according to what was said before, she'd be holding off on the sex. But what if then he found out she'd had one night stands? To a guy that's a bit confusing. He'd be thinking, she won't sleep with me, but she slept with that other guy(s) after only a few hours. She mustn't be that into me, adios!Not only that, but I would think she is playing games with me. It also implies that she has no problem with viewing sex as a quick tool of pleasure with some guys, but when it comes to me, it's suddenly a tool of big love and potential. How is having sex destroying the potential of any relationship? If anything, it's straightening it. It just all sounds to me like 'My mamma told me to run a few circles before I give it to him, cuz then he'll marry me.' I'd run far away, if I were a guy.
milvushina Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 Sorry, but this and this kinda don't go together. I mean, you've had one-night stands, but you've waited for 3 months for the "srious" boyfriends. Isn't that hypocrisy? You were pretending to be a "virgin" with the guys you liked long-term, but didn't mind acting freely with the guys you didn't take seriously. Well, I don't think it's hypocritical. I never gave any guys I liked the idea that I was a virgin. Almost everyone has indiscretions sometimes. I discovered I don't like sex for the heck of it much, but when I really liked someone I tried to respect myself and then by not jumping into bed. But yes I am human and there have been times when I guess you could say my impulses got the best of me, when I let myself get carried away by people I wouldn't want a relationship with. Make better sense?
milvushina Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 What about honesty? Would she tell her potential-prey guy that she is holding off sex from him, because she really likes him, but had had one-night stands with people who weren't good enough catches? I truly doubt she would admit her strategy. Not only that, but I would think she is playing games with me. It also implies that she has no problem with viewing sex as a quick tool of pleasure with some guys, but when it comes to me, it's suddenly a tool of big love and potential. How is having sex destroying the potential of any relationship? If anything, it's straightening it. It just all sounds to me like 'My mamma told me to run a few circles before I give it to him, cuz then he'll marry me.' I'd run far away, if I were a guy. You know, you're being pretty hostile. I don't mind if you have issues with what I'm comfortable with, but do you really need to talk about my "potential prey"? In my experience, having sex right away does complicate a relationship. And it has nothing to do with running circles so someone is more likely to marry me. I've had "one night stands" twice. Twice in 12 years of sexual activity. I just like to feel like the relationship isn't going to fizzle right away and if we like each other after a couple of months without sex, I feel better about it. It's not just sex either, I don't expect a guy to buy me presents, pay for all my dinners, etc., in that time either. Anyway, if I do disclose the number of partners I've had, let's just say I've been discreet, so it doesn't sound hypocritical when I say it is something special. So sorry I didn't mean to go off topic but that bothered me a little.
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