lightitup947 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 First off, im 20 years old. I've never had trouble dating, but recently I have realized that I've primarily been with girls that are very emotionally expressive. About 8 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. Since then I've just been hanging out, doing the college thing with my friends. 9 weeks ago I met a girl completely randomly when we literally bumped into eachother and started talking. I got her number and didnt do much with it for a few weeks, random text messages (im a large text messager as is everyone i know). 6 weeks ago I finally took her out on our first date. It went great, then I hugged her and she went inside. The next date, we went out again, and came back to my place and talked for 2 hours on my couch, it was fantastic. It was established that we were interested in eachother, and she was available. She seemed to be a very physically shy girl, we kept hanging out and talking for hours and laughing all the time for about a month of hanging out pretty much once a week, we would flirt-hit and stuff, you know. A few nights ago we finally kissed and it was amazing. We were kissing for an hour and a half and it got pretty heated. Now, this girl works 40 hours a week and goes to school full time, and has a major that demands an extreme amount of homework. I know there isnt another guy as well. She is super busy (works very late), and seems to make enough time to see me at least once a week. Now, sorry for all the blabbing, but here is my problem: She hardly never says anything to keep me going. I sometimes send her things like 'you make me very happy' and random, not too heavy/smothering things like that, and she always replies with a 'you make me very happy too!' or varies it somehow. A week before we kissed she even said she was sorry she was so shy. I am just confused about what this status is. I don't want to ask her in fear of killing things. We are basically together but not at all, I don't know. I have eyes for pretty much only her at this point and would love to BE with her. I want to tell her this, and i can deal with how busy she is, but I don't want to ruin anything. My biggest fear is her just having a really good time with me, but not wanting anything serious. Is this why she is unexpressive about her feelings? or are some women just like that? I honestly don't know. I'm starting to think this is just a cross into adulthood. Any suggestions? Do i talk to her about it or ride it out a while longer? Thanks!
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Wow, Im a 32 year old woman...and to me it sounds like you have a girl taht knows what she wants and simply is trying to ensure that everything is done right. I don't see any game playing here, not from what you have said....she sound sto me like she is worth the wait. Leave it alone, let it ride and take your time. The best things come to those who wait... )
che_jesse Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Sometimes we meet people and we seem to have everything we need to build a relationship with them but it just does not seem to come easily for whatever reason. People communicate in very different ways, I for example am very physical I would rather hug you instead of talking. My boyfriend on the other hand is very verbal. At first I was confused as to why he would blab after sex about stupid things. It was strange, he would come and instantly go into some sort of rant "Whew yeah ok... you win.. you get promoted... yeah promoted... like that guy I work with.. but better... with a better car" and he would still be blabing 20 minutes later about anything, about the news, about what he read online, about his sister, when I asked him about it one day he said "Its not because I just like talking, I dont want to leave and talking to you about anything makes me feel like were together. Its just his way of showing affection. (If your interested as to why this is the case there is an astrological reason, but I wont get into that here) Now as you can imagine it took us both a little while to mesh our two very different styles of showing affection and sometimes we are still learning about what the other is really trying to communicate. In the same way people argue in very different ways. Sometimes when people date everything seems to be going well but just cant make it happen even if they both want to, upon closer inspection you will usually find that the problem was in the two of them not understanding eachothers "signals" or "moves" or just being genuinely puzzled about why the other partner is not "moving in", when to the partner they are, in their own way and they are sitting there wondering the same thing about the other person. If you and this girl have what it takes to learn about it eachother in that way I dont know, but it definitely sounds like the two of you just show affection in different ways. What might help you learn something about her is asking her what the perfect date is, or how she would like to spend an evening at home. It might give you some insight.
the_total_package Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 She's taking it SLOWLY with you. She's busy, she's young, she has obligations. She's got you going crazy wondering, doesn't she? That's because she has a life. She likes you a lot or she wouldn't be continuing to see you. I think you might be used to the girl you date calling all the time and fawning all over. Well this girl's actually not living her life for you and not basing all her happiness on YOU. Relax and keep doing what you're doing. She's refreshing in that she's actually letting a relationship develop normally, not rushing, rushing, rushing. She's an awesome catch you have there, young man, don't let her go.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 thanks for the responses, but total package you really made me feel tons better. Although the meshing styles of affection is very true as well. I figured she wouldnt keep seeing me and all this if she wasnt very into me. I just had this silly fear she was doing it to be nice. I guess I'm funny like that. Oh well, I'll ride it out for a while, I just want to have this locked down so I can know for sure where we are. Is that the type of conversation one should avoid? When do you KNOW you're basically in a relationship? We have been dating for 6 weeks and we arent seeing any body else... I almost want to go to a party and have a friend go 'so are you guys together?' so I can look at her and we can talk about it, haha.
the_total_package Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Tell her you consider her your girlfriend, or just ask? It's 6 weeks, I think that is a good time for you to ask about your status. I'm glad you're hanging in there, from what I am reading she is very into you.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 Well, that kind of scared me, because while I tell her all the time it's totally cool when shes busy, I'd love to see her more than once a week. I hope I don't come off that way to her. I've always been nothing but patient. I got her tickets to see a band we both love for next month, I think that kind of gift is perfectly gauged for where we are in our relationship for valentines day. I have a large feeling I won't get anything back. I don't really care about an actual gesture really, I just want to know she cares. She doesnt tell me unless I say something first. I think I'll bring it up next time we hang out.. but what are the words you know? In my opinion, using 'girlfriend' straight out (even though thats what I want her to be) wouldnt be the best course of action.. but I really have no idea. Maybe telling her that "I really want to be with her." Man, you think you know it all until you get put back to square 1.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I agree that I think she's into you. What it sounds like to me is that she's taken some lessons from Alphamale! She's good at playing it cool to reel you in, and apparently it's worked I think in high school some of us weren't aware of the dating "rules" (at least I know I wasn't, but I can't speak for your exes). So now that you're older and dating older girls, they might be more aware of these rules. One of the rules is to act only somewhat interested and keep at an arm's length to keep the guy pursuing you. Now personally I hate the rules and don't totally abide by them, but she just might following them to a T and succeeding! At any rate, congrats because it sounds like you've got a keeper! Best wishes and Happy Valentine's Day!
Author lightitup947 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 I'm just kind of sick of always being the one to initiate speaking or text messages or something. Valentines day is tomorrow and she can't hang out, and I don't want to be a sucker and say happy valentines day when I haven't gotten any response from her in 2 days. I kind of feel like i'm driving the car and she's asleep in the passengers seat. Is it bad form to just stop and wait for her to contact me (which she ultimately does, just not for a while if i havent said anything), or will that push her away? Aghh.
luvtoto Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 She's taking it SLOWLY with you. She's busy, she's young, she has obligations. She's got you going crazy wondering, doesn't she? That's because she has a life. She likes you a lot or she wouldn't be continuing to see you. I think you might be used to the girl you date calling all the time and fawning all over. Well this girl's actually not living her life for you and not basing all her happiness on YOU. Relax and keep doing what you're doing. She's refreshing in that she's actually letting a relationship develop normally, not rushing, rushing, rushing. She's an awesome catch you have there, young man, don't let her go. Very good post, ttp. Whenever I try to explain this to some people, they say it's "game playing". It's not. It's taking things slow, having a life and not making a man the center of your world. Even if ya gotta fake it sometimes.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 well yes i agree with the fact shes taking it slow completely, i thought she was playing games at first too, thanks for that insight. i just cant over the feeling of unimportance in her life. I've taken her to parties and shes met most of my friends, yet I havent met a single person she knows, but then again she does spend most of her extremely rare free time with me alone. I wish she called me randomly, or invited me places maybe? I have always wanted to ask for both those things to happen.. but if she wanted to, wouldnt she have done it then?
Author lightitup947 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 man, its been 24 hrs and still nothing from her. no replies to my text today. do i call her tonight and just act fine or wait for her to contact me?
JCD Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I can tell you only this, you draw your own conclusions from it. When I'm in love with a girl I put her in the forefront of everything else in my life. I've been in a situation where I had to initiate everything and it was like pulling a tooth out. Not very fun. Of course you're questioning your position in this relationship as you should. You don't want to waste your time with her if she's not that into you.
JCD Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 To answer your question. If you care about her then contact her ASAP and get this issue resolved pronto. If you don't care about her and want to toss her out then don't say anything and act like you don't care much about her. Look, right now she is making you crazy. You have every right to know what is going on with her as you have plans for her. She should at least let you know so that you don't waste your time making plans that will be futile.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 arrrrrr i called her and she didnt answer, then hasnt called me back for a few hours, or respond to a random text i sent early today. i cant get over the feeling she has just dropped me ah hit me in the head
Pretty Fly Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 I'm curious to know how this turns out as i've been in similar situations where I've just said that's enough and walked away. However, when talking about it with others they've said she was just being cool and taking it slowly. In my gut I didn't believe that.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 AHHH so i called her today, no answer, then i sent her a text saying 'call me back when you can today!' and i get a text 2 mins later 'i have no voice, i am sick' which i pretty much believe because shes been sick, and im losing my voice too. but then i sent a reply right away asking how her week has been, and no answer, so then i sent a 'blah this is weird.' im pretty sure something is up, im at the point where i want to just ask her. im sure my insecurity drove her away even though I never really showed her it .
Krytellan Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Good lord, stop texting. NO ONE EVER TEXT SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX EVER AGAIN UNTIL 3 MONTHS INTO A RELATIONSHIP!!! It is evil.... EVIL
Author lightitup947 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 See, i agree with you, shes not a phone person. And how am I supposed to talk to this girl, especially on valentines day if she wont call me. If she wont even whisper in the phone. I am about ready to send her a text that is asking if shes still into where this is going. I am sick of not knowing. She just told me she cant talk on the phone, so what else am i going to do.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Well, i just sent her one that said 'forgive me for asking, but are you still into where this is going between us?' i dont care if she says no, i can probably deal, i just want to know.
Krytellan Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 And how am I supposed to talk to this girl, especially on valentines day if she wont call me. If she wont even whisper in the phone. She wasn't calling you anyway. If she doesn't want to talk to you, texting her is not going to change that. From what you have said so far, so could not be any less into you romantically. My opinion.
Pretty Fly Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Well I reckon this is interesting, because a female poster says this about the situation: She's taking it SLOWLY with you. She's busy, she's young, she has obligations. She's got you going crazy wondering, doesn't she? That's because she has a life. She likes you a lot or she wouldn't be continuing to see you. I think you might be used to the girl you date calling all the time and fawning all over. Well this girl's actually not living her life for you and not basing all her happiness on YOU. Relax and keep doing what you're doing. She's refreshing in that she's actually letting a relationship develop normally, not rushing, rushing, rushing. She's an awesome catch you have there, young man, don't let her go. and this.. I'm glad you're hanging in there, from what I am reading she is very into you. And a guy thinks this about the situation: She wasn't calling you anyway. If she doesn't want to talk to you, texting her is not going to change that. From what you have said so far, so could not be any less into you romantically. My opinion. If she's palying hard to get, this goes to show that you can take it toooo far.
Author lightitup947 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 well she replies with "Where is this going?" so i say 'somewhere really good, ive come to come to care about you a lot, i just hope we're on the same page'
Krytellan Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 well she replies with "Where is this going?" so i say 'somewhere really good, ive come to come to care about you a lot, i just hope we're on the same page' Why dont they listen... Bad choice, but at least you'll finally get your answer. Prepare for the worst. If her response is anything other than something about wanting to date you... PLEEEAASE tell me you understand that there is nothing there, OK?
Sevenmack Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 ^Agreed Krytellan. You can't make someone want to be with you. Period. A person, be it man or woman, will eventually share the same feelings for you that you have for them if that's where their heart lies. And it definitely won't happen if you behave in a needy manner. Especially if she's sick, has lost her voice and thus, not in the mood for succoring anyone except herself. Lightitup my pal, you don't need to be dating. You should spend some time alone and figure out why you're so needy and obsessive; a woman in your life isn't going to fill the hole within. If you don't figure it out, you'll end up repeating this pattern ad nauseum.
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