claudio Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 My girlfriend is the most important person in the world to me. Lately, we have made some new friends, and she is spending more time with one of them than I am comfortable with. Im a very neurotic person. I always worry about things, and im paranoid about things that dont really exist, regarding our relationship. Im driving her away with all my craziness, and its killing me. Ive been trying to work on not worrying so much, and trying to be more positive. Weve discussed things and im trying to stop being so neurotic, because this is the only way i can save our relationship. She feels that I am driving her away with all my worrying, and i see how i am. I tell her that im concerned with how much time she is spend with him, and she tells me im just being paranoid. If she says there is nothing to worry about, i believe her. I have to stop being so paranoid and stop being so worried all the time. If i dont stop, i will lose her, and i dont think i can handle that. please, can someone tell me how i can learn to not be so paranoid and worry all the time? also, im sorry if this is unclear. Im extremely upset over this, so i hope im making sense. this is my last hope at saving our relationship, because i dont think i can learn to stop on my own.
confucious Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Your post wasn't too informative about what kind of time they are spending together or your personal past taht makes you worry so, but here is a post I found awhile ago that I found insightful!! This type of jealousy comes from insecurities and the only way to really improve is to start to building up your self esteem and to work through your fears. First, worse case is that she cheats. There is nothing you can do about this. If she does it, she does it and you won't be able to stop her. You will just pick up the pieces of your life and move on. Dwelling on this will only make you miserable and it's pointless to stress. Secondly, If she loves you she won't cheat on you AND SHE IS NOT THE OTHER WOMEN THAT HURT YOU! Lastly and most important, take the focus off of her and put it on you. When you find yourself thinking about this, STOP! Refocus. That is why having a hobby is so extremely important. When you start to obsess on this, stop and go do your hobby. If it's running, run. If its writing, go write. If it's baseball, go throw the ball around. Whatever it might be. If you don't have a hobby, get one! Hobbies also build self-esteem. Working out is a great hobby because you can refocus and get your body in shape! You can also do it anywhere at anytime! To sum it up. Build your self-esteem and understand that we can't control other people. You can't make her love you or not cheat on you. The only person you can control is yourself. Take a long look at you. What needs to change? What makes you so unhappy? You, and only you, have the power to change it! Spend more time with your buddy's too. Don't make your whole life about her and what she is doing or might do. Life is to short! Remember this, actions usually start with a thought. You think about her, than it grows and grows. If you stop it at the first thought it will never grow into action. You may have to refocus a hundred times a day at first, but after awhile it will lessen and before you know it, it will not be in your mind again. Stop entertaining the thoughts and they'll leave. One point though - sometimes when we feel like you are there is very good reason. Yes, try to get away from paranoid thoughts but don't let the situation become one in which you bear ALL the blame...in which you are "crazy" and she can do whatever she wants with another man. In many situations married women and men do not hang out alone with single members of the opposite sex unless they are related or old friends. There is a reason for this...a good one. Good Luck!
georgejungle Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 chill out. There may be nothing to worry about with your girl hanging more with others, but your insecurities will definitely drive her away, i've seen it happen. Focus more on yourself. i'm serious. Find some comfort in yourself and stop worrying about losing her or maybe she's having more fun without you or maybe your doing something wrong, etc etc etc. Build some confidence. There's no point, absolutely NO POINT in freaking out and getting paranoid about everything. You'll feel a WHOLE lot better if you take the time to relax and calm down and stay focused. Try MEditating and taking some time to think positive. tell yourself only positive things. Don't make yourself Un-Attractive to her by acting needy and insecure. Gals like a stronger man. When you act like it doesn't bug you so much and you have more confindence she'll notice, i guarantee.
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