Danita Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hi everyone, I posted my story here a while back but briefly: I cheated on my boy; I lost him and now I'm trying all I can not to burn the bridge between us. Of course I want him back and of course, as everyone's been telling me, I know I don't deserve to have him back, but just the shock that I've been able to cheat on someone I professed to love has made me really look at myself. I've started counselling in an effort to work through issues I never really understood I had, I've been reading books that plainly (and painfully) pointed out where I went wrong in the relationship... in short, I know it's a cliche and I know these are things that people run to when they suffer the loss of a big breakup, but I truly want to change and I believe I can. A week after the breakup, I decided to ring my ex-boy. I handled the breakup pretty badly, getting really drunk, being hysterical and blaming him *cringe* and I wanted to meet up with him to apologise properly for my part in the breakdown of the relationship without blaming him or getting hysterical. He sounded really nice on the phone and said it was good to hear my voice. He offered to come round immediately but I said no as I was living with a friend then. And then he suggested we meet up Friday but I had something on that I couldn't cancel so I suggested he give me a ring the next week and we could meet up whenever he has free. I wanted to keep it light and pressure-free as I was painfully aware that my actions on the night of the breakup must have put him under enormous pressure. Early the next week he rang to say that he was busy and tired with a few job interviews and that we would meet the week after. When I didn't hear from him Thursday week, I sent a friendly email asking how he was (and not mentioning meeting). I got a short but not unpolite email saying he'd been busy, he's moving on the weekend and that "we will meet sometime soon, but not sure when". I sent a funny, warm and friendly (according to my friends) reply a few days later where I said I would like to apologise for a few things and I promised not to be hysterical. I also said the meeting was at his convenience and to let me know if he's okay with it. The email was sent 9 days ago. Other than a "thanks" to a birthday text a few days ago, I haven't heard back from him. My question now is, where do I go from here? Should I take his silence as a sign that he never wants to hear from me again? Or should I stop with the words and give him a (casual) ring sometime next week instead? Please bear in mind that whatever your view on my cheating is, I am trying to act in a way where the door to reconciliation isn't shut forever. I know I should just gracefully bow out, but I am afraid that if I do that without him ever knowing how sorry I am, his last memories of me will be as a hysterical, crying person. Also, it's an overused word, but I'd like a bit of closure. At the breakup he said he still loved me and wanted to be friends and maybe we could get back together in the future. I want him to say he doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't want me in his life. Otherwise, I just hold on to stupid hope. It's been soooo hard to not ring or email or msg him. Especially on his birthday, when I wanted to talk but forced myself to send a msg instead. I've caused enough damage - I just want to do what's right now, and hopefully, in a way that may bring us back together in the future sometime. I pray that's not too impossible. Thanks in advance and sorry for the length of the post - brevity used to be one of my strong points, but not anymore I guess. --Danita--
the_total_package Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I hope that when you are with your therapist, he/she is telling you to try and move on from this relationship. You have made it clear to your ex that you want to get back together. From his actions, and his brief 'thanks' text to your happy birthday text, I don't think he is really interested in a reconciliation with you. Last week he called and you couldn't get together, could have been he was horny and looking for some fun....well, now he has said he doesn't want to get together anytime soon.....he is or already has moved on and I would really focus on you doing that, too. Do NC from now on, for your own healing. NCNCNC for a LONG time, even if he breaks down and calls. From what I am reading, it's never going to go back to where it was, he is showing all signs of having fallen out of love with you, whether it was due to the cheating or the relationship has simply died for him.
ShoeGirl Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Danita- Speaking from my experience (my ex cheated on me and had continued text, call, text, message me, etc. It's been over 3 months now) I would recommend that you stop contacting him. All that my exes messaging has done to me is piss me off, and I'm guessing that your ex is probably getting irritated with your calls/messages too. When he is ready to talk to you he will contact you. Until then let him be. I know it will be hard but you need to stop yourself from contacting him if you want any chance at talking to him again!
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I couldn't agree more with SG's post. It times time to sort through this mess.
Author Danita Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Yes, I guess I just have to wait and wait and move on... he may never contact me again and that's something I have to come to terms with. It's so bleeding hard though, isn't it? Thanks for the input, much appreciated.
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