Eye contact: What does it mean?!?

[l-o-s-t]

I am an extreemly shy person when it comes to approaching girls. Let's just say I've been "effected" by some things in my past, and really have no faith in my ability to read people anymore. It's been a huge handicap for several years, but I'm finally starting to feel the ol' fire re-kindling somewhere deep down. I've gotten myself back to the point where I'm more willing to try things out again, but I've come up against old barriers.

 

So let's say there is a girl I fancy, more so than those in the past. I'd like to get to know her more - see if there is any chemistry. The problem is my shyness. I'm far to afraid to make any sort of moves without having at least a fair idea of her feelings. This is made all the more dificult by the fact that I have no real contact with her, no direct connections (in other words, I'd have to make them). So, I've been going about trying to test the waters, read the signs like. I try and pass by her as much as possible (without being creepy), and I always try to smile and catch her eyes. Often times I have found her looking back, so I hold her gaze as long as possible. Sometimes it's almost uncomfortably long (uncomfortable is a relitive term, probably 3-4 seconds for me). However, sometimes it's just a glance, like she casually caught my eye and moved on.

 

What is this? Is it something I should persue, or should I turn and run?

[guin_girl]

Just say hi... even if she's not interested, at least you have broken the ice.

 

or make light of it. "Hey, we keep running into each other, so I thought I would introduce myself."

[Am4Real]

 

What is this? Is it something I should persue, or should I turn and run?

 

If you keep trying to be noticed (like walking by) and don’t ever say anything she will eventually find you creepy or at least strange (I’m assuming there have been quite a few casual glances or walk by's so far). Like G_G is advising, just say hi and/or if she is at a distance give her a non-flashy wave or raised hand coupled with a smile. Just after you show her that smile you can expect something in return and if not, then slowly look away and keep walking as if waving to her is something natural. You have just officially let her know you are interested while keeping a distance. If she returns your “hi” verbally, then by all means go over and introduce yourself and let your conversation go naturally.

 

Best of luck.

[l-o-s-t]

I should note that this is occurring in school hallways / cafeteria, so it's not abnormal to pass by multiple times in a day, especially since the semesters just changed and people have new classes. The downside to this is that it makes approaching and introducing onself rather challenging, as there is only a fleeting moment of oppertunity. I have tried my best to flash a subtle smile lately, but I'm not so good at it. Waving seems a bit too obvious; I dunno if I'm ready for that. I highly doubt I could actually go up and introduce myself - hell, I can barely do that with guys, so forget girls. I'm really only looking to analyze at this point.

[Green]

look ur never going to get big chances to talk to girls so next time u have a fleeting chance just take it go over there say hi make some small talk joke around and ask for the digits

[l-o-s-t]

Look, I appreciate the advice, but I think we're going in the wrong direction with this. I'm not worried about how to approach her. When the time comes, I'll figure something out. What I AM looking for are some tips on reading body language - more specifically, eye contact. Is there something specific about it I shoud be looking for, some kind of pattern perhaps? Does it even tell me anything, or is the whole "reading" thing BS?

 

I've noticed over the past few days that I haven't gotten good, solid eye-contact like I had before. Casual glances at best. Perhaps I waited too long and blew it?

[LaughMachine]

I am an extreemly shy person when it comes to approaching girls. Let's just say I've been "effected" by some things in my past, and really have no faith in my ability to read people anymore. It's been a huge handicap for several years, but I'm finally starting to feel the ol' fire re-kindling somewhere deep down. I've gotten myself back to the point where I'm more willing to try things out again, but I've come up against old barriers.

 

So let's say there is a girl I fancy, more so than those in the past. I'd like to get to know her more - see if there is any chemistry. The problem is my shyness. I'm far to afraid to make any sort of moves without having at least a fair idea of her feelings. This is made all the more dificult by the fact that I have no real contact with her, no direct connections (in other words, I'd have to make them). So, I've been going about trying to test the waters, read the signs like. I try and pass by her as much as possible (without being creepy), and I always try to smile and catch her eyes. Often times I have found her looking back, so I hold her gaze as long as possible. Sometimes it's almost uncomfortably long (uncomfortable is a relitive term, probably 3-4 seconds for me). However, sometimes it's just a glance, like she casually caught my eye and moved on.

 

What is this? Is it something I should persue, or should I turn and run?

 

Your reading way too far in too this, but nothing to feel bad about because I know I do this as well! Your probaly just afraid of getting rejected, and embarrsed. Who wants to take a look the wrong way and misinterpret it for something totally different. Embarasing. So what I would do is ...don't go ALL out of your way to let this girl know you fancy her. Say hey whatsup, if she pulls away pretend as if you were only trying to make friends.

[Pretty Fly]

I've read/heard before that if you catch a girl looking at you and she quickly looks away, then she's definitley interested in knowing more about you.. or is it, if she looks away and then looks back. Aww hell, I can't remember. Anyone (esp girls) help me out here?

[Porn_Guy]

I've read/heard before that if you catch a girl looking at you and she quickly looks away, then she's definitley interested in knowing more about you.. or is it, if she looks away and then looks back. Aww hell, I can't remember. Anyone (esp girls) help me out here?

if she looks twice very quickly or holds eye contact for a long time then she's interested. but then there are shy girls who are interested who'll look at everything in the room but the guy they like.

[l-o-s-t]

That's what I've read - prolonged eye-contact and/or looking away quickly = intrest. As Pretty Fly said, perhaps some females could confirm this for us.

[Krytellan]

That's what I've read - prolonged eye-contact and/or looking away quickly = intrest. As Pretty Fly said, perhaps some females could confirm this for us.

 

So with this logic, everyone in the room should have the hots for you then. If not, just yell so they look at you. Then you're set.

[l-o-s-t]

Um, I dunno about you, but I tend not to make eye-contact with people I'm not interested in, and I certainly don't gaze at them...

 

Just found some info that stated that holding contact for too long can be threatening and creepy, but I seem to remember reading elsewhere that I should show dominance by not being first to look away. I must be over-analyzing this, because it can't be that complicated.

 

Perhaps it's time to bite the bullet and take a blind leap of a (very) high cliff.

[JCD]

Even if she finds you initially interested by giving you eye contact it doesn't mean she will marry you. She might get turned off later after finding you not her type for whatever reason. So don't take this eye contact too seriously. Go to her and start talking to her. Get to know her before you decide you like her.

[Green]

why dont u just do the normal thing and go and talk to her after u figured out u liked her and forget all this eyecontact bs I mean what if u liked a blind girl...

[LethalSRX]

i can relate to this nearly 100 %. in fact, i came online to find a specific answer to this question. and i doubt if there is really any one answer for this question because people are so different (i guess) from each other. i wish there could be an EASY button for this kind of material, but unfortunately reality sucks and you just have to make with whatever the situation gives to you.. analyze it and run with it. but that is easier said than done, of course. we're not all the annoying, full of ourselves "i can have any girl i want.." type. SOME of us are quite a bit deeper than that.

 

there's a girl that i work with (she's in a different department than i am though) who i have taken a liking to for quite some time. after i switched over to working the same shift as her, we started to encounter each other in the hallways more frequently. everytime she sees me she always says "hi" and gives a big smile. and yes, there is eye contact. and one day she even went as far as to tell me that "i am good." but what does this mean?

 

so it is a gender role thing? is the guy always the one who should take things to the next level? because this is really pretty murky. so what does this mean? probably nothing. but it's so hard to keep "feelings" to yourself... although i am getting better at it... kind of. they're distracting. so you do have to find a way to let them either vent, or translate the energy behind them into something else.

 

i guarantee that my last day there, i am going to find a way to convey my feelings to her. just so i don't have to keep it all inside. it won't matter because i'll be leaving, but at least i won't have to keep it bottled up forever. i'm curious as to what she will say.

 

everything is far too confusing. people are far too confusing. and some people are just flat out teasers. you are the only person who will ever be true to yourself. everyone else will just screw you over, and drift away over time. put all your energy and passion into achieving your dreams, your goals... forget everyone else. they'll only hurt you.

[l-o-s-t]

Amen to that Lethal.

 

Too bad it's always up to the guy, huh? Maybe if the girls had a bit more experience trying to make all the first moves, they'd be a bit more understanding. No one said life was gona be easy, but damn!

[GoldPenny]

Look, I appreciate the advice, but I think we're going in the wrong direction with this. I'm not worried about how to approach her. When the time comes, I'll figure something out. What I AM looking for are some tips on reading body language - more specifically, eye contact. Is there something specific about it I shoud be looking for, some kind of pattern perhaps? Does it even tell me anything, or is the whole "reading" thing BS?

 

I've noticed over the past few days that I haven't gotten good, solid eye-contact like I had before. Casual glances at best. Perhaps I waited too long and blew it?

 

I've only studied customer service, so I only mostly have textbook knowledge on a friendly professional level.

 

Since you focus on eye contact distinguishing, it depends on the culture. In a lot of the Western cultures (assuming you are interacting with folks that are deeply rooted this way), the typical period of eye contact is five to ten seconds that is comfortable; then sometimes glancing away is normal during interaction. However, in another part of the textbook, it says no longer than 3-5 seconds at a time. Looking away more often is conveying dishonesty or lack of interest.

[Porn_Guy]

people tend to look more at things they like and avoid looking at things they don't like...its just human nature.

[polywog]

people tend to look more at things they like and avoid looking at things they don't like...its just human nature.

 

How does this explain all the rubber-necking and gawking that goes on when there's a car crash?

[alphamale]

How does this explain all the rubber-necking and gawking that goes on when there's a car crash?

people subconciously like to see others in pain and suffering...

[polywog]

people subconciously like to see others in pain and suffering...

 

Well, this says a lot about eye contact!

[magichands]

look ur never going to get big chances to talk to girls so next time u have a fleeting chance just take it go over there say hi make some small talk joke around and ask for the digits

Take some pointers from a smooth operator.

[polywog]

Take some pointers from a smooth operator.

 

Yes, and be sure to make sure her nails are clipped and you have some astroglide handy....

[magichands]

Yes, and be sure to make sure her nails are clipped and you have some astroglide handy....

Forget the astroglide... look at her the right way and she'll take you for a ride down Niagara Falls.

[alphamale]

... look at her the right way and she'll take you for a ride down Niagara Falls.

I hope there's a barrel involved...