McDreamy Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Well okay, I'll start off with the essential things. I'm 17 years old and I'm a guy who without trying to sound conceited is pretty attractive, physically and emotionally(according to others.) Now I'm in a relationship with a girl who just happens to be mormon. And as many of you may know that mormons have a strict code that they're to follow. Just very high moral standards. I've been going to church with this girl on Sundays for 3 hours for the past month and a half, and I can't do it anymore so I just told her I don't want to go. But she has this thought stuck in her head about marrying me. I mean this girl is honestly obsessed with marrying me. Mormons are known to get married at a young age so they can be sealed in their temple and what not. Now I was actually scheduled to be baptized recently, but I backed out. I just can't become mormon, because I know that my family does not approve and that they never will. And after I made that decision to back out, I realized, that I had no idea what I was doing. I'm 17 and am already planning out the rest of my life. So my situation is this: A lot of girls at my high school like me. I've been labeled the flavor of the year already and I'm a senior, so I don't know what to do. My girlfriend is just very clingy and talks about marriage nonstop. I care about her a lot and I thought I loved her, but now I don't know if it was love or just something for the moment. I have the urge to break up with her because despite her addiction let's call it to me, she doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I know I'm not sounding very modest at the moment, but I am an extremely good boyfriend going out of my way to make her happy and do things for her. I feel very unappreciated. I have a very strong urge to break up with her, but I'm afraid of the lasting effects it will have on her. She really loves me and I don't want to hurt her in that kind of way. I'm contemplating ways to break up with her, but I don't know how to do it where I would not hurt her. Advice, please. Thank you in advance.
shockandawed Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 McDreamy, You know, back in high school I was the flavor of the month as well. Well not really, but let me have a moment here, lol!! Seriously man, you got a long road ahead of you. I had the "love of my life" at 17 as well and I shutter to think about what would have happened if I had married her. I had the chance to see her again after 25 years and Oh my...let's just say some people age better than others. WOW!!! There is no way at your age you can even begin to have an idea of who you would like to spend the rest of your life with. Sounds like you are in demand and this is the time for you to get out and sample (and I mean that in the purest way) different girls, personalities, etc..Enjoy it while you can!!! It's admirable that you don't want to break her heart. Guess what, it happens to everybody and most of us make it ok. I am 42 and just got it done to me again. Chances are, she will learn from this and find other people better suited for her and her beliefs. And chances are, at some point, you will probably be the dumpee and have your heart smashed. It's part of life and she will grow from it. There is no way to do it without emotion and hurt, but you can do it properly. Be honest to her, no BS and NO MIXED SIGNALS!! Tell her like it is! What you want, your hopes and desires, etc and do it with class. I would stay away from the stuff about her not treating you well. She will grasp that and either deny it or attempt to change something. Stay strong and to the fact. She will eventually appreciate how you handle it. And you will mature greatly by doing it. Most of the miserable stories we share on here are from all the mixed signals and poor communication we received from our ex's. Do it right my friend!! You get one senior year, enjoy your youth!!!
sb129 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I agree. At 17 you are but a babe in arms... i still don't feel mature enough to get married and i am nearly 30! I am impressed with your caring attitude- it will take you far in the future my son, esp if you become a little more modest! Best thing is NOT to string her along, be totally honest as to your reasons why you want to split, DON't sleep with her if you intend to split up, and then respect her and give it some down time before you start seeing anyone else. She will respect you for it. (maybe not immediately, but over time she will) Thats the womans take...
McFadden Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Run for your life in the opposite direction, you don't want to be Mormon and if you stay with her it will be insisted upon. Haha sorry that's not helpful, but I've had someone attempt to convert me and once I figured out that they do not consume caffein, among other rules, I was so out (of that friendship as well as the church.)
the_total_package Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 at your maturity and insight for a guy your age, and quite articulate and funny. That is amazing that you spent 3 hours every Sunday for a month in church with this young woman. Not a lot of guys your age would do that for a girl. Shockedanddawed gave you some great advice, no need to add to it. I just wanted to say I wish all people your age showed your respect and kindness toward other people. That is very obvious from your post. Years from now, the woman who does capture your heart is going to be a VERY lucky woman.
Star Gazer Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Darlin', she'll be bummed since you're such a catch, but trust me, she'll be thrilled when she finds a Mormon-Mormon guy who WANTS to be just as involved in the church as she is. He's around somewhere - they flock to each other. Do what ya gotta do and end the relationship so that she can run off and get hitched while you grow into even more of a hottie.
sueidaho Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 first off i am a mormon, now if you don't want to become amormon and it sounds like she is dead set on the temple you had better break it off because it might be really hard on both of you but she has a different goal for herself.you both might want the same thing, getting married together, however you shouldn't change yourself unless you want it and she should'nt change herself. if either of you change for the other unwillingly there is going to be resentment later on in the future of your relationship.
ratingsguy Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 There are four things that determine whether an R will be successful: 1) Religion 2) Relationship with the in-laws 3) Views about raising children 4) Views about money If you get seriously involved with this girl and choose not to convert, 3 of the 4 things listed above will be an issue. If you do not want to become a Mormon, don't do it. The WORST thing you can do is convert simply to appease the person you're with. Convert because you believe in that religion and wish to practice it. All that being said, I agree with everyone else that you're handing this with remarkable maturity for someone who is only 17. But then again... you're only 17. Chances are you won't know yourself well enough and have a firm understanding of what you want in a relationship partner until you're 25 at the earliest. The same goes for this girl, despite that fact that Mormons marry young. In other words, you have a long road ahead of you... filled with all kinds of stuff, both happy and sad. From what you're saying here, you do need to end this R. Be gentle, kind and polite when doing it. Also make sure she understands that you two probably can't be friends until some time has passed. There's no way around breaking her heart, but it's really the best thing for the both of you. Good luck, brother!
forever12 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 your 17, don't get serious TRUST ME!!!..been there and now paying for consciences...religion thing...she can't change who you are..and it would be better to break it off b/c you don't want to be mormon, don't change b/c of her, it will end of ending in a big crash...you so young, theres so many girls out there, date aroung and don't get serious with anyoe till about 25 or so...depends on you...buz if you get serious, and you do love the girl, your young and you'll want to experience things, dating and such that you won't be able to ...and it will cause a lot of heart break..be ther done taht..and now paying for it..
Recommended Posts