retoactive jelousy

[Catticus]

i've been visiting here quite alot recently since i looked up "retroactive jelousy" and ive been going through the threads and i know what people will say and what advice will be given to me.

but just the fact i've found somewhere to post will probably make me feel a little better.i've tried talking to friends but they dont understand and ive tried talking to others and they say the same as what ive read in threads here.

i know the main answer is get over it. or end it.

i'm now seperated from my ex because i just couldnt handle it and i've tried being away from her and ive tried seeing her but not actually being in a relationship with her and nothing really helped.

we love each other so much it's like we cant be without each other.but to me its i cant be with or without at the minute.

i've read that you can get some medication for it but thats far-fetched and i wouldnt even know where to start with that and dont really want to be on anything for something so stupid and immature.

i'm aware that the past is past. but it's the situation that makes mine a little more different to others what ive seen posted here.

she has never been in a serious relationship.

she's had 1 one night stand

and she went to meet someone she spoke to over the internet and txt and had sex with him and then met him again and thats when she said she realised she was gay.

 

but before these she had a period where she had sex and did things with her now gay best friend.i've gotten over the 2 other people (it only bugs me when i see them) but i think the reason this gets to me is because i see him with her all the time.

so many things get to me.

i think "well how can you tell he wasnt gay?" because he's so camp.

and i think things like how could you do that with a friend because they were friends before then did things and then they both turned out "gay" and now they're best friends.

i'm probably going to get grilled so much more than others who get this jelousy thing because yes he's gay so nothing would happen.right?

but its the fact that i have to see them together and the fact that i dont understand how someone could be like that with a friend.i just cant imagine me doing that. and i think me not understanding is a huge part in not being able to get over or on with it. if they wernt friends then i wouldnt be going through this.

but another thing is that she tells me it was years ago but then i found out she had a 3some with him (the best friend) and someone else, this was actually when he'd come out. the other person was male. so maybe they didnt touch each other? maybe they did.

i just cannot understand how she can do such a thing with a friend. him aswell. they supposedly put their past behind them and then do a thing like this.

maybe im jelous shes had a more exciting sex life than me, but if i was wouldnt i actually feel jelous towards that? wouldnt i know that thats what it is? but i dont think or feel that?

i had 1 male before her and i was with him for 3years.it took me 6months before i could do anything with him because i wanted to lose my virginity to someone special. since i had the problem with her i ended it, went out got drunk and slept with someone. i had my first 1 night stand out of spite and i didnt and dont regret it but i know that i dont deserve her and that she didnt deserve that. i know what your thinking now and im not defending myself but i was a wreck didnt know what to do, got drunk and something stupid.

 

i just dont know what to do.

truth is, i love her and she loves me.

i do want to be with her but find it really difficult.

i dont even know why im posting because i dont think thers anything anyone can or will say that will either help or something i dont know already.i just needed to get this out because tbh its building up inside me so much that i just needed to

[norajane]

Your post is all over the place, so I'm not entirely sure what exactly you're upset about. Is it that she had sex with a guy who turns out to be gay and he is now her best friend? Or that she had a threesome with him and another guy?

 

You were with a guy for 3 years, and now you're straight? And because you were mad at her one night, you had a one night stand with someone else, so now you feel guilty?

 

I'm confused.

 

In any case, yes, the past is the past, especially since it all happened before you were together. Yes, she's friends with her gay friend that she slept with, however, poeple experiment with their sexuality when they're younger, and sometimes they are "bi" for a while until they figure it out. And they have threesomes for fun. If this isn't something you can handle - that she experiemented and had some fun without you before she knew you - then you have to end this relationship.

 

And if you're going to cheat when you get upset, yes, you have to end this relationship. It's not fair to her. She's not having sex with other people now - you are.

 

Decide what is most important to you - being with her, or being with someone who's past you can live with.

[Catticus]

i'm female

its not just that they had sex it was like he was her everything, her first at everything. and i dont think its me i think most people try and chose someone at least a little bit special. And dont say she did because he was her friend because friends are friends. You just dont mess with them for fun.

 

When i had the one night stand we werent together. I told her i couldnt handle it, ended it but we're one of those people who after being split up still see each other because we basically dont have the willpower to not. I told her about it and yeah she kicked off but then after she said she still wants me back.

 

I dont actually know what im upset about. I think its the fact that i have to see one of her ex's daily. Most people cant stand just the thought of their partner having ex's but having to live with it day in day out is totally different. It's just there in my face and i find it to hard to deal with.

Can you imagine being with someone who had sex with there now best friend and even had a 3some. Maybe its just me and where ive come from but you just dont mess with friends