She Says that we never do anything or talk about anything.

[AetherNox]

here's the deal its kind of a long story but I'll try to sum it up. Me and my gf have been together for almost a year officially, a year and 3 months unofficially. i cheated on her 4 months ago. i was drunk and since then i have not taken a sip. i amazingly regret that. i have cheated on previous girlfriends and found out that they don't mean much to me and i move on. i know, i know, I've been horrible person but I've changed. Thats probably hard to believe but my most recent girlfriend has changed me so much. I've become a stronger and more confident person.

 

Anyway, after cheating, we both kept talking and we solved some issues and she actually gave me another chance. i do not deserve that chance but i know I'm going to use it to make everything better than it was before. recently we broke up because she says that we never do anything when we're together and that when we talk on the phone we never talk about anything. "its always the same boring stuff." she says.

 

I don't know what to do she lives in Hawaii and i live in Seattle. she says its like we don't have anything in common anymore and that she feels empty inside. I don't know what to do. Even though we're broken up we still talk to each other once a day. we always try to make sense of things because now that we're broken up she says she doesn't know what to do either. We both miss each other but its like we don't have anything else in common to talk about. i think it's because its a LDR but what can i do to save this? i know she's the one for me and there will never be any other but i can't figure out what to do to save this. i NEED HELP.

 

anyway. thanks for reading all that. if you have any advice PLEASE tell me.

[Lauriebell82]

ok if she as the one for u, u wouldnt have cheated on her. sorry to say that but it sounds like ur gf is nuts to even think about giving u another chance. if ur in a LDR and u have nothing to talk about then it would be difficult to keep a relationship going. i dont know why she'd bother staying in a relationship where A) her bf cheated on her and B) she doesnt have anything in common with. sorry i'm being rude but just let her go so she can find someone who is better for her and maybe lives in hawaii.

 

again, if u really thought she was the one for u then u wouldnt have cheated in the first place. if u've cheated on other gfs too, maybe u should just think about not being in a relationship and just casually dating. LDR require a lot of communication and trust and it sounds like u and ur gf dont have either. case closed.

[RecordProducer]

Even though it seems like it's easier to talk in person because things happen so you can comment, you can watch a movie together then talk about it, you can gossip about mutual friends, etc.... in practice, conversations are more boring in person than via internet. I am telling you this from my own experience. The fun is better IRL, but the conversations are deeper online. If she needs to talk about "something" and has a feeling that you talk about "nothing," you two have very little in common. Trust me on this! This type of gap is the worst of all.

[thatmatt]

Did you cheat during Long Distance? Are you guys both in school, or working? How often do you guys talk, and for how long? I'm asking all this because I was in a LDR for 4 months that came to an end, not for cheating or anything like that, but it did end, and I learned a lot.

 

You said you guys talked about the cheating incident, and got it figured out. I think something as severe as cheating, even though it was a mistake and she forgave you, creates a huge emotional gap in a relationship. There is probably a LOT of pressure on both sides to try hard and make everything perfect, and sometimes that pressure drives one or both sides away. I asked how often you guys talk, because it could be you're talking too much, trying to force it, because there is such pressure for the relationship to be good. The best cure for that pressure is to give space, however, your relationship is still in the mend emotionally, so it could be a lose-lose situation.

 

I seems like there are a lot of factors prohibiting this relationship from being fully repaired, and sometimes all you can do is be together with each other. That's why I asked if you were in school, will you two see each other for a summer, in how long, for how long? If one or both of you works, then unless the distance is bridged fairly soon, your relationship might not be able to fully recover.

[AetherNox]

Did you cheat during Long Distance? Are you guys both in school, or working? How often do you guys talk, and for how long? I'm asking all this because I was in a LDR for 4 months that came to an end, not for cheating or anything like that, but it did end, and I learned a lot.

 

You said you guys talked about the cheating incident, and got it figured out. I think something as severe as cheating, even though it was a mistake and she forgave you, creates a huge emotional gap in a relationship. There is probably a LOT of pressure on both sides to try hard and make everything perfect, and sometimes that pressure drives one or both sides away. I asked how often you guys talk, because it could be you're talking too much, trying to force it, because there is such pressure for the relationship to be good. The best cure for that pressure is to give space, however, your relationship is still in the mend emotionally, so it could be a lose-lose situation.

 

I seems like there are a lot of factors prohibiting this relationship from being fully repaired, and sometimes all you can do is be together with each other. That's why I asked if you were in school, will you two see each other for a summer, in how long, for how long? If one or both of you works, then unless the distance is bridged fairly soon, your relationship might not be able to fully recover.

 

 

We see each other every few months for a week at the least. we talk all the time like 4 times a day but mostly its just boring conversations. but recently i've been trying to cut down on the talking. and trying harder to find things to talk about. i talked to her last night and we realized we always assume things of each other. and thats why we never say anything to the other one. we always assume that the other one doesn't care. but yea, she's in school and i'm working. we both don't wanna stay apart for too long we just wanna fix that which is broken.