Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Ever been into your MM's/MW's marital home? This issue was highlighted in another thread but I think it deserves one of its own. I feel venturing into the BS home is almost like a double betrayal - it's her territory and I personally couldn't go in an see the life, their pictures, their home. (Yep, I know, her H is her territory too but thats not the issue I'm discussing) I can see why there are those that would be really curious to see inside those four walls. Ever ventured in? If so, was it the MM who asked you? Did you feel wrong in doing that? If the MM didn't ask you was it something you did to satisfy your curiosity?
sadbuttrue Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 i have been to MM's house. he took me there one day, no one else was at home-and no, nothing happened there. i did feel like i was trespassing. i hated seeing the family portraits. he showed me their room and bathroom. i could not step into the bathroom, there on the counter were her brushes, hairdryer, i felt like such a terrible person in that moment.
frannie Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 NO WAY. I can't imagine anything I'd like less than going into that place they share. Not only would it be full of things I couldn't cope with and would never, in my entire life, want to see. But it would be a hideous, horrible, vile tresspass on everything that is hers. And looking at that just reminds me how, in inviting us into their lives at all, MM (and women) are inviting us to trespass on everything meaningful and precious to their spouse... the person they live their lives with and share a promise with. It's absolutely wrong. Anyone who can't go into their physical space but happily holds hands with him is really being an enormous hypocrite. And that includes ME.
Kathleen Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 The Lions Den that WAS the marital home doesn't & has never concerned me.
addicted2love Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 No way...I didn't even want to see pictures of MM house. He showed me "accidently" anyway. It felt like he was trying to rub my nose in it like...see what you could have had if you hadn't married me instead of someone else. (we both married our rebound person) From a BS point of view I have to say it is a horrible feeling when you discover that the OW has been in your house..... When my H cheated I wasn't living in our home....He was about to get out of the military and I was across the country living w/ my parents. I had been offered a great job and the plan was for us to move back home with our child so that she could be near her grandparents. I was saving money so that we could buy our first house when he got out. When I came back to the base to get him I found out (from mutual friends) that his OW had a key to my house and let herself in and out freely. Not only did my H sleep w/ her in MY BED...(the very same one we conceved our daughter in) but the OW's child slept in my daughters crib!!! Needless to say I couldn't even enter the house again. I felt like he had taken a giant sh*t on all of my happy memories of that place. It was the home we brought our daughter to when she was born. Nice guy huh? I told him he might as well light that bed on fire because I would never get in it again! (and I didn't) So as bad as I feel for being an OW myself that's one boundry I wouldn't cross. edited to add: I don't know how his OW was able to be in my house guilt free...to this day it boggles my mind...my dear H had taken our wedding pictures down but he left up the family pictures of the three of us. The ones of us holding our daughter the day she was born etc. The day I met OW the look on her face was priceless...she didn't know I was coming to have a little "chat" with her. She must have recognized me from the photographs in my house!
sadbuttrue Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 a2l, that is how i found out what MM's W looked like too. i saw their family pictures. i dont know why he took me there, i think he just wanted to share more of who he is with me. that was the only time i went there though. he does joke about me coming over and bringing my kids though, and that bothers me. i dont know how he could think that it would be comfortable for me to be there with him and his W together.
Guest Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Good question, but no I never would go there. He wanted to bring me to his house by the lake, show me his boat, etc., I told him he was crazy! Just the thought of looking at something he shared with his family - not a chance in hell he'd get me there.
forbidden fruit Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Well i have the mother's of all mothers. My mm and as you all know live close to each other and we were all friends so I have been in his house tons and tons of times. My mm for some reason always wanted to do it in his house. He wanted to do it on his wifes couch, her kitchen and even one of her beds. What was he thinking? I think he must disrespect and hate her so much if he would intentionally want to do that. I personally cannot walk into their house anymore I get physically ill, however he had no problem walking in my house and making himself right at home. By the way Day 4 of NC. Spent the day with my H because we are trying. Oh wow is it hard. Trying to get over one person and trying to make it work with another.
Author Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Anyone who can't go into their physical space but happily holds hands with him is really being an enormous hypocrite. And that includes ME. I know...it's unbelievable how hypocritical I can be as the OW. It was fine for me to rip his clothes off at any given moment? But the thought of seeing their scatter cushions on their sofa? No way! I think if I was a BS, having my husbands OW in my house would be the ultimate betrayal. It would be like desecrating every memory that the house held of us. My MM has tried to show me a picture. I think more to show what he has "built up". But he doesn't realise maybe I don't see what he has built up, I see what we are destroying. Forbidden Fruit - well done on the NC. He sounds lovely! Doing it in his wifes kitchen? JEEZ. Now that is out of order. How would he feel if his wife did it in his tool shed?? lol
erika2610 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Ever been into your MM's/MW's marital home? This issue was highlighted in another thread but I think it deserves one of its own. I feel venturing into the BS home is almost like a double betrayal - it's her territory and I personally couldn't go in an see the life, their pictures, their home. (Yep, I know, her H is her territory too but thats not the issue I'm discussing) I can see why there are those that would be really curious to see inside those four walls. Ever ventured in? If so, was it the MM who asked you? Did you feel wrong in doing that? If the MM didn't ask you was it something you did to satisfy your curiosity? I'm now so ashamed to say that I have. And I was hesitant to admit it. I don't know why I did. She was on vacation. But at the time, it was like nothing to me to say "Yea, I'll come over". It just hit me while I was there though. Seeing her things. Seeing the kids things. Seeing the family pictures. He wanted me to do it on the kitchen table. I even napped on their couch. Geez I sound like an awful person. Looking back now though, I realize what a horrible thing it was to do.
Audero Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Never went in there. I was with my ex MM when he went to pick up his things, but he didn't invite me into the house, and I had no desire to go in.
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Ever been into your MM's/MW's marital home? No. Not interested in what his family life is all about -- their business, not mine.
ratingsguy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Great topic. I've never been inside my MW's home, but I have driven by out of curiousity. It's a huge home... 7 bed (I think)/7 bath and three stories. Meanwhile, I sit in my tiny one bedroom apartment. Early on, when we were looking for places to meet, I suggested her home when she knew nobody was home. At the time, I didn't really consider why that was a bad idea, but she didn't go for it anyway. But her reason was that she wasn't sure if it would be "safe". So, I guess she didn't think it would be a bad idea either, if she could get away with it. As time passed, she did mention a couple of times bringing me over her house to see it, but it never happened. She does have a lakehouse that I spent the night at with her. I have to admit that it was kind of depressing to see the many photos around the house of her, her H and their kids. And like another poster, this was how I learned what the H looked like. It truly was depressing seeing a family photo from a trip to Jamacia... taken about 10 years ago when they all looked fairly happy, but underneath my MW's smile, she was truly sad... all the while, nobody suspecting a thing. And the rest of the family were smiling, unaware that 10 years later his W and their mother would separate and the marriage would be over. It made me feel a little down looking at that photo. I felt bad for the H and kids... still do. She showed me where the spare key was hidden and said I could go up there any time I wanted by myself or with friends... provided that I call her first. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do it.... and I attribute it largely to the pictures in the house. It was truly that depressing. I've also been to the MW's high rise apartment now that she's separated (which she shares with the H on different days) and I felt a little wrong about that. They have separate bedrooms, but I still felt kind of bad about it. But probably not nearly as bad if I had ventured into their primary residence. Tomorrow is day 10 of NC, and God do I miss her... with all my heart.
Meaplus3 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Ever been into your MM's/MW's marital home? This issue was highlighted in another thread but I think it deserves one of its own. I feel venturing into the BS home is almost like a double betrayal - it's her territory and I personally couldn't go in an see the life, their pictures, their home. (Yep, I know, her H is her territory too but thats not the issue I'm discussing) I can see why there are those that would be really curious to see inside those four walls. Ever ventured in? If so, was it the MM who asked you? Did you feel wrong in doing that? If the MM didn't ask you was it something you did to satisfy your curiosity? I guess I take the cake here! YES! I have been in XMM's home a dozen of time's. But I guess when you have and " A" with your nextdoor neighbor that's is bound to happen.. Did I feel bad? YES very much so. His W is not a bad person she is very friendly, however some one that I could never connect she is still a good person. AP
YoMomma Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Great topic. I've never been inside my MW's home, but I have driven by out of curiousity. It's a huge home... 7 bed (I think)/7 bath and three stories. Meanwhile, I sit in my tiny one bedroom apartment. Early on, when we were looking for places to meet, I suggested her home when she knew nobody was home. At the time, I didn't really consider why that was a bad idea, but she didn't go for it anyway. But her reason was that she wasn't sure if it would be "safe". So, I guess she didn't think it would be a bad idea either, if she could get away with it. As time passed, she did mention a couple of times bringing me over her house to see it, but it never happened. She does have a lakehouse that I spent the night at with her. I have to admit that it was kind of depressing to see the many photos around the house of her, her H and their kids. And like another poster, this was how I learned what the H looked like. It truly was depressing seeing a family photo from a trip to Jamacia... taken about 10 years ago when they all looked fairly happy, but underneath my MW's smile, she was truly sad... all the while, nobody suspecting a thing. And the rest of the family were smiling, unaware that 10 years later his W and their mother would separate and the marriage would be over. It made me feel a little down looking at that photo. I felt bad for the H and kids... still do. She showed me where the spare key was hidden and said I could go up there any time I wanted by myself or with friends... provided that I call her first. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do it.... and I attribute it largely to the pictures in the house. It was truly that depressing. I've also been to the MW's high rise apartment now that she's separated (which she shares with the H on different days) and I felt a little wrong about that. They have separate bedrooms, but I still felt kind of bad about it. But probably not nearly as bad if I had ventured into their primary residence. Tomorrow is day 10 of NC, and God do I miss her... with all my heart. RG - thanks for the OM perspective! I wonder how my exMM felt coming to my house, I never gave it a thought of how HE felt about it. Too late now I'll never get the chance to ask him - I don't think it bothered him much - he was too much into himself so to speak I know when we first started seeing each other it was weird when he told me he drove past my house - it was something I only thought a women would do. Then again - he worked a few blocks away so it wasn't much of a stretch for him
kymberann Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Not that I am proud of this but with first MM I was in his house quit often. We were best friends before anything had happened so I had been over there more than a few times. When we started A we still continued to meet at his house. He had a seperate downstairs where we would go and he even called his guest room "our room". I didn't feel remorse or ill about it. With tht MM, what hapened happened. Now with second MM, NEVER! I would not have wanted to. I didn't want to know, but I was certainly curious how she decorated, as opposed to me and my style. What did she have that was better than me. Weird I know, but I was interested in how she lived and how she kept the place. MM often explained what his house looked like but we never once went there. Oddly, when the W found out she asked me if I had been to her house with her H. Now when I was going through the BS part of my life, my XH took his OW to our house and yes, they did it in my bed, in my house, in my guest room. ANd yes I was sickened!
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Like Kymberann I have had 2 MM. i never discuss the 1st on this board...he was just not that important to me...so i will post as a guest. the first MM was just supposed to be a ONS. and we went to his home that night. somehow that one night morphed into 6 months. we never went back there though. we 'drifted' apart and still remain friendly. every once in a while he suggests starting up again but i am not into it. not impressed with myself over that whole situation.
MustBeLove Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I have been to MM house 2 times. The first time we went up to his house to pick up his child because his W's car was not working and he had a hurt foot and could not drive. So I drove his car up there with him to pick up his child. His W was there. MM and I work together,so she though nothing of it. I didn't do it because we are having an A. I did it because he is my best friend and I had to put my feelings aside and help him. It was so so so horrible! I was sitting in there living room with her while he was getting stuff to come back to work. ( he lives 1 1/2 hrs away) It was very painful, and hard. The second time was to drop him off, because I needed to use his car because mine was in the shop. I didn't go in side, couldn't do it.
Author Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 I'm now so ashamed to say that I have. And I was hesitant to admit it. I don't know why I did. She was on vacation. But at the time, it was like nothing to me to say "Yea, I'll come over". It just hit me while I was there though. Seeing her things. Seeing the kids things. Seeing the family pictures. He wanted me to do it on the kitchen table. I even napped on their couch. Geez I sound like an awful person. Looking back now though, I realize what a horrible thing it was to do. We all do things when we're in love/lust/infatuation that we look back on and question whether we were actually a different person doing that. I'm a relatively shy person but some of the things i told/showed/shared with MM was bizarre for me. It was like he'd opened a little window to my soul which hadn't been there before. Answersplease - it's weird, dont ask me why, but the fact that you sort of already know the house/the wife/their home it seems less threatening that you have been in the house. I think it's more like quantum leaping into someone's life that you dont know, like your a ghost that has wandered their hallways without her knowing. It's just freaky! The nearest I got was dropping him off in a cab - this was before anything happened. I cant even remember it. I was sort of curious as to what it looks like but I dont even go near that area for fear of bumping into her.
outofdarkness Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Ever been into your MM's/MW's marital home? This issue was highlighted in another thread but I think it deserves one of its own. I feel venturing into the BS home is almost like a double betrayal - it's her territory and I personally couldn't go in an see the life, their pictures, their home. (Yep, I know, her H is her territory too but thats not the issue I'm discussing) I can see why there are those that would be really curious to see inside those four walls. Ever ventured in? If so, was it the MM who asked you? Did you feel wrong in doing that? If the MM didn't ask you was it something you did to satisfy your curiosity? just curious...why do u call it the lion's den?? I think I posted in that other thread that my H's main OW went to our home during two open houses that we had; different homes of course, and took her time poking into everything...Then whe I received the d day letter and made the requested phone call, she told me all about it. It was upsetting, but you get over it. I don't think she was being spiteful, as she is not this type of person, I think she was just curious after being with him 7 or 8 years...
Author Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 There wasn't a specific meaning to the Lions Den, OOD, not for me, more that a Lions den would be a pretty scary place to go and that Lions are pretty territorial lol. I just wouldn't ever ever be curious. I cant believe your OW looked through your things. What an absolutely appalling thing to do to satisfy curiosity. Your pretty understanding about your OW. I know it's probably strange for OW's to judge each other as at the end of the day, we're all committing the same act. But I do judge some other women, and I think snooping, sending a letter to you and then regaling the tales of being in your house? That's bad form.
Ripples Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I think lion's den is quite appropriate. Certainly in my own case, I am territorial and would have gladly ripped the OW's still pulsing throats out with my bare hands given half the chance. I'm now over that, btw
outofdarkness Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 There wasn't a specific meaning to the Lions Den, OOD, not for me, more that a Lions den would be a pretty scary place to go and that Lions are pretty territorial lol. I just wouldn't ever ever be curious. I cant believe your OW looked through your things. What an absolutely appalling thing to do to satisfy curiosity. Your pretty understanding about your OW. I know it's probably strange for OW's to judge each other as at the end of the day, we're all committing the same act. But I do judge some other women, and I think snooping, sending a letter to you and then regaling the tales of being in your house? That's bad form. mabey she's more spiteful then I thought. I think that my part in the whole thing was just not being informed enough, being too trusting and always looking for the postive in things. This is a good trait to have, but lets face it..some just don't have any positive qualities!!! As I said, it was upsetting, but I can't focus too long on stuff like that or well...I get into the goo...and the goo is really bad for me! I just got an alarm system, park my car in the garage, and know that should we sell another property, I would not allow any open houses, and I would be here whenever it's shown. I know many people do this nowdays with the way the world is now...If they really want to buy it...they won't care whether or not little old me is there w/ it! If I let things like that eat away at me then mabey people that do things like that out of spite, would get what they want! To upset someone else? As I said, there are mean people in any group...
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