stylista Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 My MM wants me to go to a big work function (He's pretty much graduating into his line of work - don't wanna say too much in case it gives away what he does for a living) and I don't know if I can go and pretend for the whole day that I'm just a friend. I used to have to do it all the time before he moved and I don't know if I can do it again. I did go up to see him and met all of his colleagues and to be honest I think they must have guessed the situation. His wife and kids are going to be there aswel. Then again I want to be there to show my support for him and be with him on his special day. It is also the start of our new life together - I hope. After he graduates they are moving into seperate houses and I want to be there to celebrate that aswel even though that sounds awful! Any ideas what I should do...??
Kathleen Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Are you willing to wait until he's in his own house & divorced before you celebrate anything with him? IMO, that would be your best bet.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 My MM wants me to go to a big work function (He's pretty much graduating into his line of work - don't wanna say too much in case it gives away what he does for a living) and I don't know if I can go and pretend for the whole day that I'm just a friend. Don't go. It's inappropriate for you to be there, which is why you feel uncomfortable. HIS wife and HIS children are going to be there as well - Another reason NOT to go. I used to have to do it all the time before he moved and I don't know if I can do it again. I did go up to see him and met all of his colleagues and to be honest I think they must have guessed the situation. His wife and kids are going to be there aswel. See my answer above. Then again I want to be there to show my support for him and be with him on his special day. It is also the start of our new life together - I hope. After he graduates they are moving into seperate houses and I want to be there to celebrate that aswel even though that sounds awful! You hope? Uhmm, hate to tell you this, but there's a good chance he is NOT going to leave his wife and children. Maybe he wants to at times, but right now his actions do NOT meet his words. How long do you think it will before you tells you "now isn't a good time to leave...." Insert whatever excuse for his reasoning of not leaving his wife and children. How can anyone end a marriage and jump into another relationship so quickly? It isnt' that easy, they have children together so SHE WILL be in his life forever, like it or not. YOU will have to learn how to deal with her at some point, and are you ready to be step mom to his children? Put the kids needs first ahead of your own?? Trust, could you ever fully trust him? Fact is, if he is willing to leave his wife, break her heart, leave his children, break their hearts - HOW the in heck do you trust him not to do the same to you one day? Think about that.... He is giving up his WHOLE life for you? Don't mean that harshly, but take a step back and see this situation for what it is.
Meredith63 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I honestly would not go anywhere that his W and kids were going to be. Never mind how he feels and wants you to go. I would be uncomfortable and would therefore not go. Putting your own comfort first is not a bad thing here.
Author stylista Posted February 13, 2007 Author Posted February 13, 2007 But I do already know his wife and kids and to some extent I think that she does already know. And is it really that inappropriate to be there? Even just as a friend I would be going so surely not going will set alarm bells ringing more than anything else. I do know that he is leaving his wife. I know that they have discussed it and I'm not being naive about it. I've seen the two houses that they are moving into seperatly after this is all over and done with. I know its going to be hard starting up a new relationship but I'm not saying I'll be moving straight in with him. We've discussed this a lot and we are waiting at least 2 years before that big step. I know its going to be harder because his kids and wife know me and that my family know him. And there is a big age gap aswel. And yet I do trust him. I know he would be splitting up with his wife regardless of me. Therefore it has nothing to do with there being another woman involved. I'm still not sure if I should go. I know that I shouldnt really but then I know that I shouldnt have got with him in the first place and I did...
Meredith63 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I hear what you are saying, but truly, the only way that I would go would be as his date. That's just me, but otherwise, I would feel that I really didn't belong.
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 If I had all the answers I guess, I wouldn't be in such a stink of emotions. Men I find will do just about anything to be with ...a choice even for the moment if it feels right. I myself find it just prelonging a dismissal of sorts to the doomed 'end'. Whatever the case may be if I found out 'I' was the OW I truly would lose it. And not look back. Funny, I guess were just a big miss. Take it or leave it.
norajane Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 But I do already know his wife and kids and to some extent I think that she does already know. And is it really that inappropriate to be there? Yes, it's inappropriate. Unless he will proudly introduce you to all and sundry as the woman in his life, then you are still the dirty little secret and she is still his wife. Do you really want to smile from the sidelines while his wife and children are at his side on his big day? You want to see that?
BeenAround_N_Back Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Wow, if you go, it would be a very awkward situation.... what if the W suspects, would you put yourself into a sitation where you could face someone telling you off??
frannie Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 My MM wants me to go to a big work function (He's pretty much graduating into his line of work - don't wanna say too much in case it gives away what he does for a living) and I don't know if I can go and pretend for the whole day that I'm just a friend. Then don't go! I can't understand him inviting you, to be honest (well, I hope I can't... the idea of someone wanting their W and OW in the same place just disturbs me). And no, it's not a good time to be celebrating the beginning of your new life together... he hasn't ended his 'old life' yet. Support him in some other way, but not by going along to this. When/if the time comes, then you can be by his side officially... not as someone pretending to be a friend.
outofdarkness Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 My MM wants me to go to a big work function (He's pretty much graduating into his line of work - don't wanna say too much in case it gives away what he does for a living) and I don't know if I can go and pretend for the whole day that I'm just a friend. I used to have to do it all the time before he moved and I don't know if I can do it again. I did go up to see him and met all of his colleagues and to be honest I think they must have guessed the situation. His wife and kids are going to be there aswel. Then again I want to be there to show my support for him and be with him on his special day. It is also the start of our new life together - I hope. After he graduates they are moving into seperate houses and I want to be there to celebrate that aswel even though that sounds awful! Any ideas what I should do...?? whoa...put the breaks on....I am a BS...I would be absolutely be mortifiied if I found out at the time or later that my H's OW was at a major work function. Whether the people he worked w/ knew or or not, it would have made me feel humilated and belittled...My H's main OW; yes, there were mult. thought that I knew and was ok w/ it, or at least she convinced herself of it or my H TOLD her this, so I have the feeling they were out and about more then I know. It's sort of like going to a costume party, and you're the only one there w/out a costume on...At least that is what it would have felt like to me had I known or even later if I was to find out. Word spreads quickly in an office/co. about who's seening whom, etc...Office Gossip! It's alive and well and flourishing...Hope this has helped some. In summary, I would not attend if I were you. Ask him to have someone tape it for his "family"...
puddleofmud Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 Best that you consider that for the children not to go. Let's suppose someone took some pictures and the children later looked at them (10 years later) or that they remembered seeing you there. That would not be a particularly fair portrait of their lives...could be more of a cruel reminder. Let them have their family as it stands until things are "official" and they understand when and how the deviding line begins--with the divorce of their parents and some time for them to adjust. Until said time your "support" should be discreet as to their well being.
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