magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 There is nothing wrong with baby steps... That's where you are wrong. There is only one way to "do" no contact. And that is, with no contact. Simple enough concept, but missed by many. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 That makes complete sense MH. I will actually just block him. Plus how else am I suppose to procrastinate? Although, at the same time, after a break up people recommend avoiding regular hang outs. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Although, at the same time, after a break up people recommend avoiding regular hang outs. Fair enough. One has to use their own judgement. I still say that any change to your "normal" behaviour will lead, consciously or subconsciously, to obsessing over them more. Believe it, or not, running into them in person is much more an exercise in getting over them, than thinking about where "not" to go. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 That's where you are wrong. There is only one way to "do" no contact. And that is, with no contact. Simple enough concept, but missed by many. But the point was, even if the "name" was on the list... she wasn't contacting them... so what if the name is there... that's what I meant, I didn't miss the concept... I don't delete everyone's contact information, and still can have no contact with them... Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I still say that any change to your "normal" behaviour will lead, consciously or subconsciously, to obsessing over them more. Believe it, or not, running into them in person is much more an exercise in getting over them, than thinking about where "not" to go. Personally I would rather see at a bunch of letters on a stupid IM list than to go to a place that I know my ex is at before I'm over them. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I don't delete everyone's contact information, Then the temptation remains. You must do everything to help yourself. You don't have to delete, if you think you may want to contact them in the future. But, for heaven's sake, give the details to a friend for safe keeping. Or file them somewhere hard to get at. File, and forget. That's the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Hey K, Why worry if he knows you blocked and deleted him? I have to agree with MH about not letting him influence your life in any way. I never thought about it that way. I am bored... up to only good (boring). ;-) Now that the weather has finally cleared, I suppose I will have to go back to work... yucky. Oh, is today Valentine's Day? I had forgotten. Interested in anyone K? D Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 Damn, lost my post! I was saying: Yesterday the whole day went by without a single coincidence! I am not ready to delete him just yet. You're right, I shouldn't care. But I do in part because I'm the one who insisted we be friends and also because we most likely will have a few run-ins next summer. My friend J and I tested out the delete thing - and if I ever add him again he gets a notice saying I added him. If I don't block him - he does contact me. EVERY TIME we're online at the same time. I really feel like I'm two steps away from really moving on (I also want to take a moment to realize that I've come a long way since that day I couldn't get out of bed because I was crying so much) and blocking him keeps me away from getting into any confusing situations. So D, up to only good hu? Maybe it's the calm before the storm. Or rather, after the storm in your case... (Hope you didn't have too much of a hard time getting out of your driveway!) I am not interested in anyone specifically, but I met yet another cute guy last night (I know I'm doing better and better because I am noticing more and more cute guys everywhere). A few problems with this one: 1) the friend who introduced us wasn't sure whether he was single or not. 2) He is, also, a musician. What the hell - why am I so attracted to musicians? (This is another thread entirely...) I don't get it! Fact is, all musicians I've dated are incredibly nice, very passionate, UNSTABLE people (It's the nature of the music world I think). (Notice people that I didn't say all musicians, just the ones I've dated... Yes the common denominator is me.) But the good news is that when she introduced us he automatically said, with a gorgeous smile on his face, that he remembered me from our common university days. So far in my life, those words have been code for : "and i remember you because I thought you were cute..." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 Another update... This NC thing is really working for me. I just had a moment where i really really really missed him. Like I don't think I had before. Don't know how to explain it. Being in NC probably provoked the feeling of missing him but also forced me to think through why I missed him - which in turn made me think about what it is that I did feel for him. How true he felt to me - how wonderful I felt with him. How much faith I had in him. I just cried for the first time in months. Because it also forced me to think through and accept that those feelings weren't mutual -despite his own efforts. He knew what I had to offer him was great - but just wasn't there in his own life. And I was able to see through my emotions without all the emotional turmoil of wanting him back. Also without all the tricks that my ego sometimes plays on me (the one that brings us to wonder if their feelings were true or not). I think I just had a very clear vision of what happened between us and why he walked away and never looked back. I saw potential in him he wasn't ready to live up to. I mistakenly thought he wanted the same things I did. Fact is, he wasn't ready for that and might never be up to it. And it's ok for me to want what I do in a relationship and it's ok for him not too. Wow, NC does work. Wish I had gone full NC way earlier. But I wasn't ready. Now, after week 2, I will no longer miss him, right? No longer think about him? That'll be great! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Now, after week 2, I will no longer miss him, right? No longer think about him? That'll be great! Add a zero. Or two (if you're anything like me). But the good news is that it does get (gradually) easier. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Now, after week 2, I will no longer miss him, right? No longer think about him? That'll be great! Good for you Kamille!!! I know about the sad moments in time, but it does get a little better. I'm on day 24 NC... I had a "missing talking to him" moment last night, but it wasn't the hurting longing, more like a "gee I miss talking to him"... then I talked to someone else instead and I was ok... Stay strong, you are doing good... Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I'm on day 24 NC... :lmao: I'm happy that you're doing better, guin_girl. But, for heaven's sake, STOP COUNTING, haha. Talk about pretending not to obsess when you're obsessing. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 :lmao: I'm happy that you're doing better, guin_girl. But, for heaven's sake, STOP COUNTING, haha. Talk about pretending not to obsess when you're obsessing. I don't care... I will count if I want to.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Right now the counting make me feel proud of myself... Like yes... 9 days. Was on a foward he sent to a bunch of people today, which fortunately just doesn't count as contact. My heart jumped when i saw his name in the mailbox though. The thing about yesterday's miss him moment is that it was actually really helpful in that I think it's part of letting go. And accepting it's over. Also, if I can see that he hasn't handled things in the best ways possible since the break up - (or maybe that's just because as long as I kept hanging on nothing he did would have been right) - I now feel like he was really a great guy. And you know what, accepting that is actually helpful as well. I'm finally over the hurt and the anger. (I was soooo angry at first...) So 9 days. I'm still counting. And proud of every one of those days! And MH, however long it takes to get over something - is how long it takes. I'm done feeling abnormal and guilty over this! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 And MH, however long it takes to get over something - is how long it takes. I'm done feeling abnormal and guilty over this! Sorry. That wasn't my intention. Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Right now the counting make me feel proud of myself... Like yes... 9 days. And you should be VERY proud!! guess what girl... you are almost a week and a half... remember when that sounded like forever... you keep counting... I'm going to keep counting right along with ya... h:bunny:ll I even remember how long it has been since the one stomped all over my heart... up and down... splat splat splat... kinda like mr bunny here and NO WHERE near as cute!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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