Rainer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Here's my story.... My ex and I broke up ~2months ago, we were engaged and lived together. It was more his idea than mine, but all in all, it ended alot of stress and heart-ache and so at the time I was glad that it was all over with despite being sad that he didnt want to work it out. We decided to be friends...but in the 5 or so times we have seen each other we have been intimate 3 times. I'm not seeing anyone, but he is out there playing the swinging bachelor thing, meeting new girls. I feel like I should do the NC thing with him for a while, so I can really move on and he can meet someone and there will be boundries in the future. I'm scared on some level that I want him back, but I dont at the same time. (Does that make sense?!?) I do want to be friends with him, but how do I go about it when there is still chemistry...
AtAGlance Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 NC or Friends? I'm sorry, but I don't believe you can be "just friends" if there is any chemistry between you. It will always end in heartache. If you are a real friend you'll be happy he has a new partner can you imagine that yet? I don't think so - not if you still end up in bed together. Give it some time - 2 or 3 months - of no contact and then try to be friends. It will be hard at first - this is the person you have relied on for so long, and not speaking to them will be so difficult, but it will be better in the long run. AND you won't feel as if you have been used as a substitute when he doesn't have a date. Good luck Ata
Davis Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I do want to be friends with him, but how do I go about it when there is still chemistry... You can't. As long as there are feelings and emotions on your part, you're just going to continue to get used and hurt. I think continuing to get intimate is a really bad idea. I would say you're going to have to go NC and probably for about six months until your emotions for him totally fade out. If at that point you still have chemistry for him, you may not be able to be friends for a long time if every. Sorry. You'll get through this! Good Luck!
ratingsguy Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 NC is the tool you use so that one day you can be friends. I agree with Davis... you need at least six months of NC. There is no way you can immediately go from being engaged to just friends. It's not possible! Besides, you just can't be friends with someone whom you have an emotional attachment to. Go NC for about 6 months. After that time, reasess where you are emotionally, and if you think you're ready to see him again, go for it. Either you will find that you have no feelings left for him and are ready to be friends... or you will feel bad after seeing him again, missing him and whatnot. If the latter is the case, you go NC again until all of your feelings for him are gone. For some people, permanent NC is the only way to accomplish this. Not me though... it took 6 months of NC to get over a year long relationship. It depends on you and how strong your feelings were for that particular person. Good luck to you!
Grrlish Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 We decided to be friends...but in the 5 or so times we have seen each other we have been intimate 3 times. I'm not seeing anyone, but he is out there playing the swinging bachelor thing, meeting new girls. Uhhh...this isn't 'being friends'. This is getting a piece of @ss. For you, for him, both? I don't know. I agree with RatingsGuy. You need to let some more time pass before you two can be just friends. You need to have dated some other guys to put some emotional space between you and him. Right now, he's having his cake and eating it, too. Man, his ego must be PUMPED. What are you doing to yourself? Stop it!
BlueEyedSarah Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Here's my story.... My ex and I broke up ~2months ago, we were engaged and lived together. It was more his idea than mine, but all in all, it ended alot of stress and heart-ache and so at the time I was glad that it was all over with despite being sad that he didnt want to work it out. We decided to be friends...but in the 5 or so times we have seen each other we have been intimate 3 times. I'm not seeing anyone, but he is out there playing the swinging bachelor thing, meeting new girls. I feel like I should do the NC thing with him for a while, so I can really move on and he can meet someone and there will be boundries in the future. I'm scared on some level that I want him back, but I dont at the same time. (Does that make sense?!?) I do want to be friends with him, but how do I go about it when there is still chemistry... I beleive you can not be friends with an ex. It just doesnt work out very good. Have NC, let yourself heal, move on.
Author Rainer Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Have started NC. Easy atm...I have the feeling it will get difficult. Closure is closure, unless the door is locked.
the_total_package Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Your biggest mistake was having sex with him. He knows now you'll satisfy his physical needs without commitment....plus isn't it really disgusting to know that he is out there on the swinging bachelor scene and possibly slept with another woman in between times he was sleeping with you? He doesn't respect you at all anymore. please focus on never, ever seeing this guy again, he's totally using you for sex and it will never go back to a serious relationship, in his head it's 'been there, done that but she's still putting out so I'll go to her when I need guaranteed sex.' Hope this helps you get over this guy, you just gotta move on. You say you want him as a 'friend' but why bother? Focus on getting over him totally and meeting someone new! Here's my story.... My ex and I broke up ~2months ago, we were engaged and lived together. It was more his idea than mine, but all in all, it ended alot of stress and heart-ache and so at the time I was glad that it was all over with despite being sad that he didnt want to work it out. We decided to be friends...but in the 5 or so times we have seen each other we have been intimate 3 times. I'm not seeing anyone, but he is out there playing the swinging bachelor thing, meeting new girls. I feel like I should do the NC thing with him for a while, so I can really move on and he can meet someone and there will be boundries in the future. I'm scared on some level that I want him back, but I dont at the same time. (Does that make sense?!?) I do want to be friends with him, but how do I go about it when there is still chemistry...
Author Rainer Posted February 15, 2007 Author Posted February 15, 2007 For the record, we never slept together again...and the 'using' part was mutual, but it doesnt change the fact that it happened. I will be friends with him, but right now NC is needed. And NC is going well so far, just a couple of months to go.
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