RocketMan2 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Hey everyone Well I've been feeling a bit better the last few days. I've not been thinking about her as much or in the same way. I thought 'im not going to jynx this and say anything until its been a consistent feeling for a few days' but i thought too soon I think the only reason i've not been thinking about her as much is because I'm just so tired of it all. I had a dream this morning that I was driving down the road and I saw her friend driving the other way. There were other people in the car but before i could even acknowledge who they were I woke up really upset I was so upset by a dream of knowing she might have been in the car with her friend. How ridiculous is that??!! I've been doing the NC thing, but even the slightest bit of (even imaginary) contact sets me right back I know that if I saw her in the street I'd probably have to run off. I know for sure I couldn't face her without breaking down I know thats why I woke up when I did, my brain knows it cant handle any contact from her. I've got my first appointment with a counsellor tonight, and I dont even know what to say to them anymore. Last week when I booked it I could have explained everything about my feelings. Now i dont even know. I just feel so apathetic about the whole thing. I just want to be better I feel so empty and lost. I don't even know if everything i've thought about her up to know is even true (i mean her actions wrt the breakup). Whilst im not in as much direct pain anymore, i feel like im still nowhere near healing because now im just questioning everything id been sure of for weeks. I'm such a mess Is this the next stage of healing or what (( Rocket
lovelorcet Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You are slowly moving out of denial and beginning to accept your situation and your inability to do anything about it. Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... swimming and swimming....
MotherGooze Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You're doing good. I know it's not easy but you finally realising that she won't come back. Now it's time to realise you don't actually want her back! The counselor will do you good. Even though youd on't feel like talking now, you might talk to him because he knows his job. It'll be a relieve; and it's something to look forward to
Motor35 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Hi Rocket! Sounds like you are on the right track. I think the counsellor will do you good. I know what you mean about not knowing what to say. Through the day, maybe you can try to write down what you feel and take your notes with you. I make a journal each week and then read through it before my sessions. Counseling is so expensive, it is nice to get your money's worth. Please let us know how the session goes.
thatmatt Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I know what you mean about the dreams man, as I've had a few about my ex in the month+ since we've broken up. It sounds like what you're going through is compounding and organizing thoughts. This is an ongoing phase. One second you've got 5 million thoughts and emotions flying around in your head, and you zone out and get carried away, and it bothers you for a day or so, and then you talk to someone or on your own just organize it, and BAM! you put together pieces of information like "she never listened to what I wanted to say, but always expected me to agree or keep my mouth shut." or something like that. And then you have a little more closure. Everytime you're dealing with thoughts, just think of it as compounding, compressing, and organizing emotions, memories, feelings, etc into smaller and less overwhelming fragments, and eventually they will become small enough that they're not overwhelming at all, and one day you'll be doing your thing and a thought will pop into your head, and it will slide right out, because it's been compressed and analyzed, and it doesn't overwhelm you anymore. I'm speaking to a counseler as well, it really helps you analyze thoughts, and replace them with positive things, and see things a lot more clear. good luck with your session!
Santiago 17 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Your situation sounds hauntingly familiar. I don't know your whole story, but it will get better. The journal thing works, and stay busy, also NO Contact. I wish I had gone to NC earlier.
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