tonyp56 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Ok, to make long story short, ex-wife left September 8th 2005--for another man, after being married almost 7 years (7th anniversary would have been November 3rd 2005). We were together for over 11 years all together. Anyways, first milestone in my mind to get over her was to find someone else, did it, next have sex with someone else other than my wife (she was my first and only before this moment) did it, and I fell in love with that person, which for simplicity sakes is another story all together. Then came file for divorce, then came last divorce court date, which was about 5 months ago. I get enough time--won't say plenty cuz I wish I had more--with our kids, I pay child support, I do all of the stuff that is expected of me. I love my kids, and I am willing to walk across fire for them. I miss them when they are not with me, and I love them more than anything. However, I can't get over my ex-wife! I still think of her, I love her, and I miss her. I want to say so much to her, and I wish I could take so many things back, but I know I can't. At present, I wish only for one thing, that I knew that she really ever loved me. See I can't get over that she hurt me as bad as she did, and I still love her--don't tell her, am always nice to her, but don't talk about us--so by her acting like I'm someone that she crossed by on the street, does that mean she don't love me now, nor did she ever? What was it all for, if she never loved me? Or is she doing the same thing I do, simply not talking about us? I can't stop, I feel like this is driving me crazy. I wouldn't take her back now, but I still feel love for her, and I want to know that she feels love for me. At least did, but then I go back around asking "How can she not love me now, if she really loved me then? I loved her then and I still love her now, regardless of how she hurt me." Sorry, trying to be short, and to the point. Simply I can't let my ex go, she remains nice to me when we see each other, but I feel like she treats me like our love never existed. Since I know that I truly loved her--still do--I am confused as to how she felt/feels about me. I need some guidance, I just want to let go and truly, and finally move on. After all of the milestones I've set, I've never been able to let go of her, I've only been able to hide it deeper. She's still with the man she left me for, and believe it or not, I wish them to be happy, because I don't want her back--I'm actually married again, I know, too soon, but sometimes humans jump off the deep end. I love my current wife BTW, that is NOT at issue, my past via my ex is the issue that I'm having. help or advice welcomed. Thanks
MoonGirl Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hi Tony, Yes, it sounds like you remarried too soon. Have you been to individual therapy? I think it might help you a lot. As for some of your questions...why does it matter to you if your ex ever loved you or if she still loves you? She probably did love you or she wouldn't have married you. People change over time, and she probably fell out of love with you. She is nice to you right now because the two of you share children. She is being polite for their sake, not for yours. She treats you like your love never existed because she probably doesn't love you now, and she doesn't want to give you the wrong message. Why do you love your ex even though she hurt you? Probably because you have a long history with her, and you didn't give yourself enough time to heal after the divorce. Try to concentrate on your new wife and give her the attention and love she deserves. Harboring deep love for your ex could mean bad news for your current marriage even if you love her.
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