Krytellan Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Sorry all, not trying to spam the forum tonight, but DropDeadLegs reminded me of something. Long story short, I moved here after a separation and divorce from my wife and have been here for 5 months through a drawn out divorce. I kinda live like a bachelor (mattress and bedspring on floor, TV on floor, and no couch) because I only brought what I could fit in or on my pickup. I left most things behind in anticipation of having to settle property distribution with the ex. I work in Mental Health so I can't really afford to run out and buy a new couch just because. As such, my gf and I spend about 99% of our time at her house (which she owns and lives in alone) because I'm rather embarassed of my place and it's not all that comfy. I have no qualms about going to her place, and she seems fine with it. When we spend the night together it's at her place, but she has been to my place a handful of times. We just never really consider going to my place to hang. I plan to ask her about this, but am curious. So, my questions is who is the lucky one, me or her? I like not being at my place honestly. Does she likely enjoy us being at her place a lot or is there any way to know that? If you were her, would you be happy with a similar arrangement? And yes... I plan to ask her as I just remembered, just looking for thoughts.
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 How can we possibly answer that? That's like asking someone whether they like tomatoes. The responses will vary depending on preference. In my experience, I have generally vacillated back and forth between wanting to be at my place or his. It really depended on what was most convenient and/or fun at the time.
Author Krytellan Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 How can we possibly answer that? You did just fine.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 well i'm sure she probably understands that u have a "bachelor pad" and so since she has a nice house that she lives in alone she probably doesnt mind being the host most of the time. has she voiced any concerns about u always staying at her place?
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 As a side note, when I was dating an ex who was in the process of divorcing, it drove me CRAZY that he didn't have a stove. They were just finishing a kitchen remodel when they split up, and he didn't want to invest in a new stove if she was going to get it through the settlement. It drove me NUTTY. I would imagine that if you and I were dating, it would drive me crazy that you didn't have any furniture... especially after 5 months. What is your estimate on getting some? At least a real bed? A couch? A table and chairs?
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Oh, and another thing, it might bother your GF that you're always at her place simply because your place isn't even really an option. I would imagine there could be some resentment building.
Author Krytellan Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 I was aware that resentment could be a factor, thats why I was curious. I'll talk to her about it. I have all that furniture stuff waiting in MI for the final OK to keep it, and that's 2000 miles away
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I would just casually discuss it - like how you're so excited to go get your stuff, etc. That way she knows it's on your mind and you're not just being lazy. Seriously, that stove thing bugged me big time. And that's all his fully furnished place was missing... he was so stubborn. hahaa.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I prefer being at my place and he prefers being at his. That whole situation is how I came to LS! There was no equity in time spent at my place, it was always at his. My place is more comfortable in ways that are important to me; furniture (especially beds), # of bathrooms (2 full) TV's (1 for everyone!) pots to cook in, groceries (I actually have them) and if I choose to leave my Sunday night dirty dishes until Monday morning, I feel comfortable in doing so. At his place I feel obligated to leave it in better condition than when we arrived; dishes done, floors swept, mopped, and vacuumed, bathroom fully cleaned, and laundry done. He prefers his place because he has all his tools. He can tinker with his lawnmower, motorcycle, truck, etc. He buys food "by the day." If he had a computer I would be more content when he's doing his thing. I'm not a big TV watcher on weekends. He often has friends stop by to visit. Now that there is more equity in time spent at either place, it's pretty good. He tinkers with my car upon request. I occupy my time with cleaning. He's not really messy, as he lives alone except for visits from his daughter on weekends. I still don't like that my kids do not have a room (or a bed) as his place is 2 bedrooms and one bathroom, and since we often have 5 people one bathroom can be tough. His daughter rarely comes to my house, although she is welcome and likes it here. She and my older daughter both have jobs now. My older daughter never goes to his place, she prefers to stay home. He is getting a new place in a few months and I think it will be much better as it will be larger. In time we will probably make the big move to live together, but not for several months at the very least. I think a year or more is more likely at this point.
Author Krytellan Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 Thanks for the input guys. I actually have already talked to her... yeah, I can't wait when I think about something. She actually was wanting to mention it to me because she felt "bad" that I was always going to her place and having to work caring for my dogs when being away for an extended period. She expressesd having absolutley NO concerns about always being at her place, and offered to spend time at mine if I ever wanted to, she would understand completely. She rocks... what a doll
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Sounds like you've got quite the keeper, K!!!
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