When will the pain go away?

[amberwboone]

I am 24 years old and this is the first time I have ever been dumped! Me and my ex fiance have been togther for four years we have a two year old daughter. I am so impressed with my lack of strength. He says he just wants to be single or "alone'. We got into one fight and he says our whole relationship was a shamble.

The thing is he will hug me and kiss me and he still tells me he loves me. It is so hard for me to get over him cause I am forced to see him when he gets my daughter on the weekends! I know I need to be strong and have someone else take her to him and pick her up but I am affraid he will forget about me and that will lesson the chance of us getting back together.

Why can't I stop calling him! He doesn't like it when I call him all the time! Someone needs to take my phone and burn it!

He says I need to give him time and he doesn't know if we will ever get back together! so I can't help but wonder if he means like a couple weeks months years? IT has been three weeks my daughters b-day is coming up not to mention valintines day. I just want him to come home to me1:love: Anyone have any advice. I could sure use some.

[Zankon]

i think you have to let go and you're right, gimme your phone I ll burn it.

Here is the thing, the more you call (thinking you're trying to fix things) you're actually just making it worse because he feels empowered and without him you're weak. Of course he'll kiss you and say he loves you cuz he's been saying it for... hmmm... 4 years you said?

 

I can't give you advice more than that becasue you have a child together and it makes things far more complicated. Don't think about the 2 of you but about the well-being of your child.

 

I know it sucks... sucks real bad but you gotta do what you gotta do!

[Final Destination]

Zankon is right on the money. The more you call all you are doing is re-enforcing to him he made the right decision by leaving.

 

We all know how hard this is. We all think we can convince them to come back. It doesn't work that way.

 

Do NOT contact him except about your child and household things such as finances preferably by email. Do NOT guilt him saying his child misses him because he will only see that as a manipulation.

 

If possible have a family member meet him with the little one for visits.

 

This is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done...letting go. Its like an addict trying to get clean. You CAN do this.

 

How does he know what he is missing if you are still in his life? The thing to remember is you need to be noticably absent from his life. It will either wake him up because if he is gone he was gonna stay gone and more important it is about YOU knowing you can live without him.

 

Stay busy. If I were you I would contact a lawyer in regards to child custody, child support and visitation. Beyond anything else protect your child no matter what he says in regards to taking care of her now and in the future. Get it in legal writing. First visits are usually free. He is going to act hurt, angry and offended when you do that. So what? Let him.

 

He needs to know no matter how bad you are hurting you will NOT play games and be a doormat.

 

Lean on the people here, your friends, your family. You WILL survive this whatever happens.

 

Do not bring up your D's bday to him. He was man enough to make her he should be man enough to know when her Bday is. If he forgets then HE can tell her why..not you. And nothing..no phone calls ecards for V day.

 

He not only left you he left his D. Get MAD. It will push you into doing what is best for you and your D...not wallowing over him.

 

You can do this.

 

FD

[amberwboone]

Thank you sooo much! It took me awhile to find this! I don't know how to keep track of my threads! Hmmm. Oh you don't know how good it is to here from someone! I really appreciate it and you where write I am getting throught this!

Thanks soooooooo much

Amber