Author LilAngel41211 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 It must be really irritating to get hit on only for your sex appeal. How do you ever know when a man is interested in you for anything more than that? At work, your attitude has to leave no room for misinterpretation - be firm in saying NO to the flirtations and advances. Don't give anyone the opportunity to dismiss your brains and ambition. It's totally possible to shut a man down with just one look. Practice it in the mirror, and use it. It is irritating and it is destructive to me. I honestly feel that no man has ever liked me for who I am. I feel I am the kind of woman that men only like for one thing and that other women are the ones men really want. I am always thought of as stupid, even though I have many degrees and am very intelligent.
norajane Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 It is irritating and it is destructive to me. I honestly feel that no man has ever liked me for who I am. I feel I am the kind of woman that men only like for one thing and that other women are the ones men really want. I am always thought of as stupid, even though I have many degrees and am very intelligent. Have you ever discussed this with a mentor? Perhaps an older female who can provide some coaching on how to succeed in a business setting, how to get people to pay attention to your ideas and accomplishments?
cbl Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 It is irritating and it is destructive to me. I honestly feel that no man has ever liked me for who I am. I feel I am the kind of woman that men only like for one thing and that other women are the ones men really want. I am always thought of as stupid, even though I have many degrees and am very intelligent. appearances is undoubtedly important in this society, in the workplace, in the dating world. first impressions do count for someone who don't know you - but as long as people get to know you, they would know you are more than the "sex appeal" that they know about you (or that you present yourself). show them your intelligence, your broad knowledge, and your various interests. you are who you are and you need to present that to your friends and associates. i like the idea from norajane.... especially if you work in an environment where the men dominate.... then you will get hit on every man you encounter. instead of avoiding it, you need to figure out a strategy how to face it, or even take advantage of what you have.
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 There has got to be more to this than you're mentioning. I was once in your shoes, but only because I didn't realize that I really was flirting with boyfriends and bosses. Every girl you meet with a boyfriend isn't just going to hate you for absolutely no reason, just as a boss isn't going to repeatedly flirt with you so shamelessly without thinking that it's welcome....
Author LilAngel41211 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 I Have thought of that. My personality is naturally very happy. I am often smiling and laughing and always have something witty to say. I can be very serious but just my natural way around all people that comes out is more happy and lighthearted. I am like this with everyone, male and female. I have often struggled with the fact that perhaps I should change my personality. So I try to not smile so much and not laugh and not say witty things but I feel unfomfortable, like I am not being myself. It is just so natural for me to smile when I talk, to laugh at something funny, to think of a witty comment. I feel great when I am being myself. I always feel so happy. I dont think of it as flirting though because its who I am and I am with all people, male or female. When I flirt I flirt. I think I just have a naturally charming personality. I hate having to force myself to change it because I really have a great time with my personality and I dont feel like I am myself any other way. Yes I can be serious and have a very deeply serious side but my personality is just more outgoing.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I think just be you. And let him do what he is going to do, since you can't control his thoughts either way. Don't flirt back, so if he wants to flirt, he does, just don't do anything to encourage it. So what. Enjoy it for what it is and move on...Dont read into it, or make a big deal of it...Sooner or later he'll get tired of you not responding the way he wants ya to and he'll forget or move on.
norajane Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I really have a great time with my personality Really? It is irritating and it is destructive to me. I honestly feel that no man has ever liked me for who I am. I feel I am the kind of woman that men only like for one thing and that other women are the ones men really want. I am always thought of as stupid, even though I have many degrees and am very intelligent. Doesn't sound like it you're having a great time. Sounds like your personal and professional lives are affected in a highly negative way.
cbl Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 I Have thought of that. My personality is naturally very happy. I am often smiling and laughing and always have something witty to say. I can be very serious but just my natural way around all people that comes out is more happy and lighthearted. I am like this with everyone, male and female. I have often struggled with the fact that perhaps I should change my personality. So I try to not smile so much and not laugh and not say witty things but I feel unfomfortable, like I am not being myself. It is just so natural for me to smile when I talk, to laugh at something funny, to think of a witty comment. I feel great when I am being myself. I always feel so happy. I dont think of it as flirting though because its who I am and I am with all people, male or female. When I flirt I flirt. I think I just have a naturally charming personality. I hate having to force myself to change it because I really have a great time with my personality and I dont feel like I am myself any other way. Yes I can be serious and have a very deeply serious side but my personality is just more outgoing. then just be who you are. you are lucky to like who you are. quite a few people don't. but then go back to your original post... if you don't like the way this MM treats you, then draw a line.... lightly, with your humor. people like them will get the hint. they probably get rejection all the time... since they are MMs.
Author LilAngel41211 Posted February 12, 2007 Author Posted February 12, 2007 then just be who you are. you are lucky to like who you are. quite a few people don't. but then go back to your original post... if you don't like the way this MM treats you, then draw a line.... lightly, with your humor. people like them will get the hint. they probably get rejection all the time... since they are MMs. I have been thinking about everything that everyone has said. I am thankful for the advice. I do like who I am and I do enjoy my personality. What I mean by enjoying my personality is that it makes me feel good inside to smile and laugh and enjoy life. I am generally a happy person. Yes I have negative aspects to my life, like anyone, which cause negativity inside of me. My negative aspect is that men make me feel that they only like me for one thing. But this does not mean I am depressed and sulking all the time about it. It upsets me when it occurs. Sometimes I get sad over it. But I have so many other things in my life that are positive that it does not make me miserable. Overall I am upbeat and positive about life. My goal in posting here was to find an answer to the question, "is a married man I know hitting on me?" I wanted to know what other people thought because often I can be wrong about things if I do not get outside feedback. I also wanted to know what I should do to make certain that I never give the impression I am interested in return if he was hitting on me. I do not want any man who is married to think that I was ever making any advances on him because I never would make an advance on a married man and I certainly would never accept an advance from a married man. I am not interested in being with a married man. Never will be interested in being with a married man. I simply was concerned about a situation and that is why I posted, to get feedback and advice on how to protect myself if I was being hit on. (Protect myself as in make certain I do not send the wrong signals, make certain that a man does not think I am interested, etc.) I am thankful for the advice from those who gave me their advice.
cbl Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 My negative aspect is that men make me feel that they only like me for one thing. sometimes it's about them.... some men tend to be almost always flirtatious. and some men do like to use others for sex, regardless of how that's going to hurt others. it's not a negative trait of you.... that they make you feel that way. if they make you feel that way, it's their negative trait.... but you need to make sure that it's about how they show their feelings towards you and that they are flirtatious towards every girl and not just you; not about how you present yourself to them. observe those men more on how they socialize with other women then you would know. My goal in posting here was to find an answer to the question, "is a married man I know hitting on me?" I wanted to know what other people thought because often I can be wrong about things if I do not get outside feedback. I also wanted to know what I should do to make certain that I never give the impression I am interested in return if he was hitting on me. no one really knows the answer because the MM does not post here, neither do we see how your interactions were. he could be a person who's just overly flirtatious. or he could be someone who likes to give compliments when they see something or someone nice. if i suspect anything, and i know this person really well, i would probably be jokingly asking him, "hey, are you hitting on me?" with a big smile on me, when i think he's going overboard. hope this helps.
the_total_package Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 you've posted this same thread twice now and not really accepting when people say change your image, be professional at the office because you just can't change your oh so sexual self which draws all men to you like flies. "I try to repress my sexuality, but the more I do the more it comes out." see, whatever advice people give you have this excuse which puts you in the role of victim again. I think the reason you have problems having real relationships with men is because you don't have much depth to you beyond your sex appeal, and something about your posts strikes me that you are a very vain person. Men don't fall in love with your sexuality, they fall in love with your mind. Sorry I'm not buying this whoa is me, I like sex a lot, and all men can sense this and it gets me into trouble. most women enjoy sex a lot, this is nothing new, they still go to work and are professional without getting hit on because they impress people with their minds, not their 'sexuality'. If they are hit on, they ignore the behavior or ask that it be stopped, it's pretty simple. You're sort of like, whoa is me, I'm too pretty, men just think of me sexually..like you're this victim or something, this is a bunch of bull to me. Basically you need to get over yourself and focus on doing your job, not if the married guy is ogling you or not. because if you do what people told you on there, ignore the guy and just do your job, your whole 'problem' ends there. You said the whole point of your post was to ask if this guy was hitting on you and several people answered 'well he is certainly flirting.' Hitting on you is if he actually asks you out or suggests to you that you spend time intimately together. Has he done that? If not, he has not,he's not hitting on you, just flirting, like when he said your high heels looked good on you. So your have your answer here, hon.
crazy_grl Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 One bit of advice I have for you is when you accidentally brush against someone, apologize for doing it. You didn't say whether you did or not, but when you don't, it can make it seem more like you were doing it on purpose to flirt. And when doing the apologizing, don't make eye contact or smile. Just do like others have said and don't respond to his flirting. If it continues to be a problem, you can tell him that his comments make you unconfortable.
BenThereDunThat Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 Total Package - Thank you. You said exactly what I was thinking.
Topper Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 this reminds me of a stupid commercial on TV " Don't Hate because I'm beautiful."
the_total_package Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 His wife will probably be expecting him at home with a romantic dinner and champagne...and some under the sheets time at home, especially if he has bought her roses. I wouldn't count on VDay as a date with your MM. I am very sexual too...as a matter of fact last friday made two weeks since my MM and i were together (needless to say Valentines Day it is ON!!) sorry dickstracted...umm...where was I?? put the sexual tension aside...you will have that with many men by your comments...
Recommended Posts