Karl D. Posted February 11, 2007 Posted February 11, 2007 I could sure use some good advice. My wife left me. She said she needs space and that she is questioning every aspect of her life. She says she is sorry for hurting me and it is all her fault. I know she still loves me, but she isn't "in love" with me anymore. I believe she has had a mid-life crisis coupled with depression. She won't go to marriage counseling with me and won't see a doctor about being depressed. I have suspicions she is seeing someone, but i don"t have proof. I feel so sad and empty inside. We were "dating" for awhile trying to re-ignite our relationship, but now she doesn't even want to do that anymore. We are still talking, but that is about it. I still love her and desperately want to save our marriage, but it seems her heart just isn't in it. To make matters worse our 9 year anniversary is on Valentines Day.
Ladyjane14 Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You might do well Karl, to start by reading through a few other threads just to get an idea of what kind of similarities there might be in your situation as compared to some other guys going through separation. Here are just a few.... ILMW: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90264/ Bklk1227: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108933/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110971/ PWSX3: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t96821/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101383/
MoonGirl Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hi Karl, The marriage builders website might help too, maybe even if it's only to understand your wife's actions. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ Many people leave marriages because they are seeing someone else. It's sad that you have to go through this, and please write here when you're feeling down. We're all here to listen.
polywog Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I'm sad for you. I hope Gunny replies to your post... Gunny, you out there?
MattN Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Its sure is sad how many of these stories are all the same. Just read my story its pretty damn close to yours. I'm actually surprised she hasn't given you a list of all the dumb things you did wrong over the past 9 years to lead up to this.I put all my money on there not only being someone else but I'd also bet that she was seeing him or at least talking to him or something during the time you guys were SUPPOSE to be trying to re-igniting your marriage.Advise? This is gonna be hard to take but you need to listen.. You didn't mention if you have kids so I'm gonna assume you don't..Let her go and get your divorce rolling fast while she is still in the feeling guilty stage and is more likely to compromise. Don't call her or nothing just move on even if you have to pretend..Good luck man and trust me it will get better. I was exactly where you are 6 months ago..Shocked and in denial
Gunny376 Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 There's really only one strategy open to you at this point if you've got any chance in Hell of perserving your marriage, ~ and that's the "Barney Fife" option................that is to say, "NIP IT! NIP IT IN THE BUD!" She's either (1) already involved in an emotional affair (EA) or an physical affair, (PA), or (2) she's got someone in mind or (3) she wants to go out an explore the possibililties of doing so. She's depressed because she can't reconcile her desires with the realities of her current situation, and the reason she's not "feeling it" for you, is because she's "feeling it" for someone else. If it was me, I'd be making this little gals dreams a reality. I get a lawyer, file for divorce, have her served at work, change the locks to the doors, and everything else, get all the accounts in my name, and control of all the money, and assets. In the divorce papers I'd shoot for the moon, which puts you in the driver's seat. This accomplishes a number of things. First, as I said puts you back in the driver's seat of your life, and you regain control of your b*lls, (and that ain't meant to be bills there - Pal)! It makes her wake the **** up (maybe) as to just how much she's got to lose, to include a man, who's got a pair and is willing to "man-up" and not put up with her BS. Will this make her angry, mad,...................NO,...............ITS GOING TO DOWN RIGHT PISS HER OFF! But, what's she going to do? Cheat on you with some other guy? Leave you? Divorce You? Tell you she so called, "loves you, but isn't in love with you anymore?" What can she do? Read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95838/?highlight=wolfe Either it will snap her out of her cheap s*it, or you'll end up where you're probally headed anyway. To get your head wrapped around what's going on: http://womensinfidelity.com/community/ and http://www.womensinfidelity.com/index.html#home Best of luck
MoonGirl Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I agree with Gunny here. It may sound harsh, but it's in your best interest. With my abusive husband, I attempted to get him help, get us help, and then get myself help. Being nice to someone who treats you like dirt, even if it's in a passive-agressive sort of way like your wife is doing, doesn't work. When I left him after years of asking him to be nice to me (ha!), I took everything from the house I wanted, the kids, 50% of the balance in our bank accounts and didn't "ask" for his permission. As for the divorce, I'm also shooting for the moon. I'm asking for sole custody of the kids, both legal and physical and 50% of everything else. There's no reason to be nice because the only thing being nice will do is get you scr*wed.
Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 I agree with Gunny here. It may sound harsh, but it's in your best interest. With my abusive husband, I attempted to get him help, get us help, and then get myself help. Being nice to someone who treats you like dirt, even if it's in a passive-agressive sort of way like your wife is doing, doesn't work. When I left him after years of asking him to be nice to me (ha!), I took everything from the house I wanted, the kids, 50% of the balance in our bank accounts and didn't "ask" for his permission. As for the divorce, I'm also shooting for the moon. I'm asking for sole custody of the kids, both legal and physical and 50% of everything else. There's no reason to be nice because the only thing being nice will do is get you scr*wed. The thing about the "shooting for the moon" strategy is that you can always decide later how benevolent you want to be in settling for a "lower orbit"
kitesurfer Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 happened to me too...i went to counseling with her, begged her, all that stuff. after 4 months of me trying to make it work, i gave up and got on with my life. problem is, she got over the guilt in those 4 months and then financially screwed me. take the money, change the locks, cut off contact. get a lawyer. file. women only leave for another man (unless you are beating her). if she has moved out, she's moved on!
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